XXIV. UGLY
Opening the front door to the house, Emi flinched and was genuinely horrified. In front of her stood an ugly creature of short stature, no taller than Emi herself, with thinning pink hair, wrinkled greyish-beige skin sticking out in folds and large pink and purple blotches. It turned its back, revealing two enormous scars placed diametrically on the left and right sides. It stood on massive legs with thick, bear-like feet. Its arms hung almost down to the floor. Everything that had once looked so graceful on it, having lost its proportions, now looked like a mockery of fate. That “ugly creature” was Fleya.
— God… oh my God… — Emi whispered in disbelief. — My God…
Emi sat down on a cabinet, covered her eyes with both hands, and burst into tears. She didn’t just cry — she screamed, screamed as painfully as Fleya had when she was being cut.
— Hi, — Fleya said awkwardly. — Try not to be too afraid of me, I’m still the same as I always was.
Emi opened her eyes and tried to touch one of Fleya’s folds of skin, but immediately pulled her hand back. She couldn’t bring herself to do it because of the overwhelming horror.
— You… what have you done to yourself… you’ve disfigured yourself beyond repair… No… no, no! I don’t want to believe it, this can’t be real!
Emi, still standing in the corridor, was in hysterics, and as soon as Fleya tried to calm her and pat her on the back, she jerked away again and almost ran off. She couldn’t reach the room and returned to the corridor, her face fixed on one single question: “Why?”, which she did not even want to say out loud.
Mariam still knew nothing. She was sitting in the garden near the house with Salome, preparing to say goodbye, but kept postponing the moment so long that almost an hour passed unnoticed. Salome heard screams and became terrified:
— Did you hear that? You heard it, right? — she asked nervously.
— Screams? Yeah, that’s creepy… I heard it too, — Mariam replied.
— It’s coming from the house!
— No, it’s not from the house, it’s further down the street.
— It sounds like it’s from the house! That’s Emi!
— Em… I’ll check, wait a second. — Mariam went to the door and knocked several times. No one opened. — See, everything’s fine, she’s probably gone up to the upper floor and can’t hear us.
The screams gradually faded. Salome sat in distress, crying and saying nothing.
— Are you still scared? — Mariam asked softly.
— Yes. Hearing screams like that makes me think of my father. I imagine how he screamed when he was killed. Please let it not be that!
— Don’t worry so much, there are definitely no dead people here. It’s probably just drunk people.
— But we’re also still drunk… Or has the alcohol already worn off?
— No, only two hours have passed. It’s so cold, I just want to go home and sleep.
— Alright, then let’s say goodbye?
— Okay… although wait, do you want to come to mine for a bit? You’ll warm up at least.
— Why would I need to warm up? — Salome perked up, smiling. — I live five minutes away anyway! Alright, let’s go!
Mariam entered the house, Salome behind her. No one was there. “Yes, she’s definitely upstairs,” Mariam thought. “We should check.”
— Hey, let’s make Emi a gift? — she whispered. — It’ll be quick.
— What gift? — Salome asked.
— Let’s make something sweet. I know a recipe for a mug brownie with chocolate and milk. Emi loves it. We should cheer her up, she’s probably sitting alone studying, exhausted.
— Well… — Salome thought — okay, let’s do it, I’ll help if needed. Will it take long?
— No, fifteen minutes. You were going to do homework when you get home, right? Don’t worry, you’ll have time!
— I’ll probably go with it undone.
Mariam carefully prepared the dessert, stirring it with her strong hands so much that drops and crumbs spilled out of the glass. Salome watched her admiringly, sitting with her elbow propped, waiting for when she would be needed.
— Done! — Mariam announced happily. — Let’s go!
She went upstairs and knocked on the door, Salome standing behind her. For a full minute no one opened. Mariam was already starting to worry, when Emi cautiously approached and opened the door. Emi looked exhausted — her face red from tears, messy hair, as if she had just woken up. Mariam scanned the room, raised her eyebrows, and her heart sank when she saw Fleya sitting by the wall. She wiped her face as if hoping not to see it again, awkwardly stepped to the table and placed Emi’s gift there, then turned to Fleya and asked:
— So… you’re done hurting yourself?
— I am, — Fleya sighed sadly. — The doctors did everything they could and sent me home. They said I can’t go any further: too high a risk of death, even though I’m a goddess. I still haven’t become human. I probably won’t die, although at this point it’s hard to say. I’m still invisible to humans and so on. That girl standing by the door, I’m sure she has no idea I exist. Is she your third one now?
Salome stood at the far end of the room with wide eyes, carefully listening to every word and movement. “So that’s who she’s talking to? Not Emi? Would she even speak to Emi like that?” she thought.
— I hope you finally find peace, — Mariam said calmly. — I don’t care how you look. The main thing is you’re alive and well. Welcome back!
Mariam hugged Fleya. Emi sat on the mattress, curled up in a corner, silently watching with a dead, emotionless expression. Salome flinched: “What is this? What’s wrong with her?” She ran up to Mariam, silently asking with her eyes what was happening and whether she could help anyone in the room. Mariam grabbed her head. “Right… she doesn’t know anything… she can’t see her,” she thought.
— Mariam? — Salome cried out anxiously.
— Fleya, you’ll have to meet her, — Mariam said.
— Fleya? — Salome was surprised.
Salome felt a cold, slightly slimy hand touch her. At first she thought it was Mariam, but when she turned, she saw a completely different being.
— Huh?.. — she whispered. — Is that Fleya?
— Yes, it’s me, — Fleya replied. — Don’t be afraid, please.
— I’m not afraid of you, but… who are you and how are you here, and why couldn’t I see you all this time? Anyway, I’m Salome, if that matters.
— That’s a long story. Are you Emi and Mariam’s new friend?
— Kind of.
Salome looked questioningly at Mariam, as if expecting an explanation. She glanced a few more times between Fleya and Mariam, then gathered her things and left.
— Alright, I should go. See you tomorrow!
— See you tomorrow, — Mariam replied. — It is Friday, right? Come after school.
Mariam wished Emi goodnight and went downstairs to her room. She quickly fell asleep, thinking neither about Fleya, nor Emi, nor songs, nor anything else.
“A strange day,” only crossed her mind. “But still… thank you for it.”
Emi was still lying in silence. She was neither asleep nor awake — she was in that state where a person, devoured by thoughts, can spend hours that feel like both a single moment and an eternity. Fleya was in a similar state.
— Are you in pain? — Emi asked quietly after midnight.
— I am, — Fleya replied.
— Where?
— My whole body. Especially my back, where my wings used to be.
— Do you regret it?
— Maybe.
Emi fell silent and tried to fall asleep.
Even though Emi went to bed after one o’clock, she woke up very early, around seven. She began getting ready for university, took her huge folder and started packing her work into it, but then stopped, sat down on her mattress and burst into tears. She cried endlessly, without stopping, until everyone else woke up.
In the morning Mariam was fresh, and as soon as she got out of bed, she started making breakfast. She hummed lines from a draft of a new song:
“I’m the last hungry worf,
Hunting in the woods for your
Love...”
She went up to Emi’s room. The door wasn’t locked, and Mariam entered without knocking.
— Let’s go to the kitchen, — she suggested.
Emi didn’t answer. She was sitting turned away, sobbing quietly.
— Emi? — Mariam called.
She still stayed silent.
Mariam went up to her, took her hand, and said again:
— Emi, come on! Let’s go, why are you sitting here, come on!
Mariam brushed Emi’s wet hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear, then took her hand again and tried to lead her out.
— Will you leave me alone or not! — Emi suddenly screamed. — Go away!
Her scream woke Fleya as well.
— Good morning… — she murmured, disoriented.
Mariam sat there in confusion.
— Fine, — she said, — I’ll go eat, and I’ll still be waiting for you.
A couple of hours passed. Mariam sat alone. The sweet breakfast didn’t make her feel any better, and music wasn’t coming at all. She decided to just lie down on the sofa and wait, to pass the time until around 1:50, the hour when middle school classes end.
Before leaving, she went upstairs again. Emi was no longer crying or sobbing. She was just sitting, staring endlessly into one point. Fleya lay next to her and had fallen asleep again.
— Emi, — Mariam said, — are you feeling better?
Emi didn’t answer.
— Maybe you want to go out with me and Salome?
— No.
— Why? Salome wants you to come too.
— I don’t want to.
— Is it because of Fleya that you’re like this?
— Yes.
— You know, I love her anyway. I think it’s the first time I’ve used the word “love” for this being. I wonder if she can hear us while she’s sleeping?
— Have you even seen what she looks like now?
— I don’t care. The main thing is she’s alive. I’m glad she came back and won’t suffer in that clinic anymore. She made a mistake, she understood that you can’t cheat nature, and now she’ll go on living. Her life isn’t over because of wings or perfect skin. She will still love us humans, she will still be cute to us, she will behave like a small, gentle child who desperately craves a little more of our attention… And we couldn’t give her that attention. Sometimes I can barely handle even you, and now there’s Fleya too. We’re just different — no matter how you look at it, we can’t be together. Humans and gods aren’t made for each other. It would have been better for her never to know us. I feel sorry for her, but I don’t know how to help her. I just hope she’ll be okay.
— I ruined her… It’s me! It’s my fault! — Emi broke down. — I didn’t give her attention. I was always with you or Sophie, and Fleya… Fleya was always alone, without me, she loved me, she suffered! I keep destroying other people’s lives. Does anyone even know what happened to Sophie, after she disappeared from our lives… or rather, after I kicked her out? What if she did something to herself too? What if she’s even dead? I need to die, I do! I always ruin everything, I always destroy everything… I’m disgusting dirt!
— What are you saying? — Mariam asked with a horrified expression. — What are you talking about, Emi? Is this really you? Have you lost yourself?
— It’s me, it’s me!
— You’re just… you don’t understand what you’re saying! If you were disgusting dirt, would I even be with you? Would so many people love you sincerely?
— Can you at least once take off that mask you always wear, Mariam? Can you stop forgiving all my disgusting actions, all my vile behaviour, just because you say you love me? Although I think you don’t even love me. You just don’t want to be bad.
— That’s not true. I’m sorry. I love you. Maybe you’ll still come with us? Salome really likes you.
— No, I’ll stay here.
— Fine, I’ll come back soon. Please don’t hurt yourself and don’t do anything stupid, I’m begging you.
— Okay.
— We’ll think of something in the evening. Maybe we’ll cook something nice. I think I won’t be late today.
Mariam went straight to the school. After the bell rang, along with the stream of running children, Salome came out holding Mariko’s hand. Seeing Mariam, Salome ran toward her without letting go of her sister, who ran after her.
— You came all the way here? — Salome was surprised and hugged Mariam.
Mariko also started hugging her and almost jumped on her.
— You look so beautiful today, — she said to Mariam. — Your hair is so fluffy!
Mariam walked them home. Salome left her sister with their aunt, promised to buy her sweets in the evening, and left. Walking down the hill, Salome casually mentioned:
— I’ve actually wanted a tattoo for a long time. Maybe someday I’ll be able to… but it’s so expensive, and I think you’re not allowed before eighteen.
— You can, — Mariam replied. — I know a studio where they don’t ask for age. Sophie got a tattoo on her neck there when she was seventeen.
By the time they reached Rustaveli, they had already turned into the salon.
— I’ll pay for everything, — Mariam assured her.
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing…” Salome thought. “I’m going to burst from happiness!”
She sat in the chair, blinking, watching tattoo artists with dyed hair, all covered in piercings and tattoos, running around and discussing something. For a month now, she had been touching a bigger, adult world, where cool people and spaces existed beyond her cage.
— Hi! Do your parents allow this? — the artist asked softly, noticing how small the client was.
— I don’t have parents… — Salome answered shyly.
— Huh? No parents? — the artist was surprised. — Oh God… I hope everything’s okay?
— Yeah, don’t worry. Everything’s fine.
— What’s your name, girl?
— My name is Salome.
— Wow, me too! What do you want to get tattooed? Can you show a reference?
Salome showed the design. It was a white skull with red-painted lips and a gothic inscription “Kiss me” in gothic letters.
— On my right arm, please. Near the shoulder.
— Alright, great choice! Wait a minute, I’ll go get the materials.
Salome had to take off her sweater, revealing not only her arm prepared for the experiment, but also the one with a large, drying bloody wound. When the artist returned to the room, she got scared:
— Hey, are you okay? I mean, I’m just doing your tattoo, but you can talk to me. About anything.
— Yeah, I’m fine, I guess. Thanks for asking. It’s nothing special… my father is a murderer, and my mother died of cancer last week, I was abused my whole life by relatives, and at school I was always an outcast… Recently I got a friend who brought me here. She plays in the band “ANGELIC KISS”.
— Mariam? No way!
— Yeah, she’s somewhere outside the door right now. Do you know her too?
— Of course, I think the whole city knows her. I think you’re lucky to have her! Everything will be okay, I’m sure! You’re kind, I can see it in your eyes.
— Thank you. She really is very cool.
The needle had already pierced Salome’s arm, and on her small and wounded body the outline of one of her small dreams began to appear.
— Does it hurt?
— No, I’m used to pain.
For Salome, the time she spent in the chair felt like a moment. Finally it was done, and holding her tattoo with her hand, she left.
— Bye! — the artist called after her. — And remember: tattoos are a kind of pain that helps you gain freedom. If you ever feel like hurting your skin again, call me and come here with your friend — we’ll do it together!
With shining eyes, Salome ran out to Mariam, who was sitting in the hallway looking at tattoo and piercing sketches on a black wall. They went to the cashier.
— That’ll be two hundred lari, — the receptionist said.
Mariam took out the money and paid.
Outside, Salome hugged Mariam tightly, even tried to kiss her and awkwardly leaned toward her face. Mariam melted into a smile.
— I really like your tattoo, — she said. — I’m glad you said it back then when we were walking down.
— Thank you! You just made my little dream come true… But why do you always fulfill my dreams? Why mine?
— Because I love you, sweetheart. Because you need that love.
Salome suddenly stopped in the middle of the avenue.
— You know, I’ve been thinking about that Fleya… She’s so strange. How is she connected to you? Who even is she?
— Oh… — Mariam hesitated. — Emi found her a couple of months ago and since then she’s been living with us. She’s not quite normal: only those who touch her can see and hear her.
— Wait, what?
— Kind of like magic, — Mariam smirked. — I was shocked too when I first heard about it.
— Honestly, I just can’t believe it… And she was with us all this time?
— Not exactly. She left for a while, and only recently came back. She left when you and I met.
At sunset, Mariam left, leaving Salome with a kiss on the cheek, a tattoo, and a lot of questions.
“I still don’t understand anything,” she thought as she walked home. “But maybe now I understand Mariam a little better”.