Chapter thirteen
What happens when Michael and Lucifer go to a grocery store:
Michaels POV
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When Michael and Lucifer entered the grocery store, the first thing that attracted Lucifer's attention was a frozen poster. He ran over to look at it.
"Like frozen?" Michael asked him curiously.
"Chuck no. I'm hoping that if I glare at it long enough it will disappear and go to Heaven."
"Why not hell?"
"Didn't you just listen to me? I want that thing not a single mile near me." Michael laughed then basically had to drag lucifer away from the poster. When he did Lucifer cursed it to heaven, which made some people confuse but afraid.
"5 minutes here and you can't convince a single person here your normal." Michael dragged Lucifer with him to the bakery section.
"Oh we should buy Dean a cake that says 'We know what you are trying to hide, but like this cake you can't hide your true flavor forever' then when he cuts the cake he'll see that it's rainbow flavor." Michael rolled his eyes wondering if rainbow could even become a flavor and continued shopping for the pie Dean wanted.
"Why don't we just go cheap and buy a box and write on the outside 'Like in this box we know what has been inside you' and when he opens it there's a picture of Cas."
"See this is why I'm friends with you."
Michael smiled at that and looked for the pecan pies.
It took forever to get the stuff that he wanted because lucifer was running around the whole time asking Michael if he could have this and that and this and that.
It also took a long time to find Sam something healthy because as Lucifer stated "This is America, even the fat free yogurt isn't fat free." They finally found a salad which would have to be good enough.
"Oh free samples!" He heard lucifer yelled and saw him run to the free samples stand.
Michael continued shopping deciding that he would find lucifer lately. He was thinking about how much a child Lucifer is but was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard.
"Take just one free sample? I'm sorry lady but do you anyone will agree with that rule?!" He turned around and sure enough it was lucifer. He began walking over there.
"Look at this sign lady! Free SAMPLES! Not sample, when a word has a 's' at the end of it it means plural, and plural means more than one. Geez now I see how you're working at Wal-Mart."
"I'm sorry sir." The worker said. "But you are only permitted to only take one."
"And who made that up! A rich guy who can just buy all the free samples he wants!" He realized Michael was behind him and he smiled and put an arm around his waist.
"Unlike that guy me and my husband are broke and can barely afford one free sample." Michael was about to tell him a free sample was free hence the name. But he didn't get the chance too.
"We have 4 gay kids to feed. And gay kids need more protein than most. And gay-briel, you should met him, can eat a whole cake in 5 second and that counts as a midnight snack! So if you excuse me I'll take this whole tray and leave."
"Security." The woman said into a walkie-talkie.
"Oh Jesus on a bicycle run!" He yells while taking Michael's hand and pulling Michael with him while he is still holding the tray of free samples.
Suddenly two guys wearing uniforms appeared behind us and started to chase us. Lucifer started to dragged me out of the store and Michael tried to stop him.
"Wait I didn't pay for these-"
"SCREW IT HUNNY WE HAVE 4 KIDS FUCKING RUN OR POWER WALK AT LEAST!" While lucifer is running and forcefully dragging Michael, they lost security and are currently behind the store, panting because they are lazy fucks that can't even run for 5 minutes.
"Worth it." He says and starts to eat the free samples.
"You fucking child when we get home I will kick your ass." Michael tries to be scary but Lucifer can't help but to find him cute.
"Can't wait honey." He winks.
"What am I going to do with you?" Michael sighs Frustrated while leaning against the stores wall.
"Oh I can imagine a lot of things you can do with me."
"I'm going to put you in a fucking cage."
"Oh kinky."
There's no point In trying to talk to him Michael thinks while slowly closing his eyes, hoping for a moment of peace.
"Hey, boss I think they are back here."
But course security is right around the corner as soon as Michael closes his eyes.
"Hon we have to run like Josh Dun." Lucifer says while quickly eating the last free sample and pulled Michael up with him and bent down. Michael was confuse.
"Stop enjoying the view and get on you tired banana." Michael was too tired to decline so he got on Lucifer's back and took a little nap while ignoring the shouts of anger from the security guards and Lucifer.
He woke up and was sleeping in the back seat of his car.
"What happened?" He asked with a yawn.
"Fell asleep on my back, and I had to run around in 10 different grocery stores for security to lose us."
"Oh." Michael replied. "Was it worth it?"
"Hell yeah."
Over the car ride home they decided that they would tell "their children" about how they almost got arrested for stealing free samples another day. Lucifer felt like if he told Gabe that Gabe would turn him in.
"WE'RE HOME AND WE GOT FOOD GAYWADS!" Lucifer yelled as they walked in.
They caught them watching sponge bob and Lucifer and Michael gave a semi-true answer why they were home so late. And Lucifer met Lisa, Deans girlfriend, and guess that it was their secret sister, which was super awkward.
Lisa eventually left and Michael and Lucifer joined them. Michael would be damned if someone said that the next 10 minutes of his life were about to happen.
"Hey." Dean whispered again. "I'm getting tired of these Losers, want to go out somewhere just to get away from them?" Dean smiles cheekily at Cas. Michael rolled his eyes at how obliviously gay they're being.
"Okay." Cas smiled back."That sounds good Dean."
"You know we can still hear you dickheads right?" Lucifer said loudly.
"Yeah why you gotta be so rude Dean, out of all the hurtful things you have said to me that has to be the worst. Talking about me behind my back. How dare you!" Gabe said in a mocking voice.
"Oh just let it go." Castiel and Lucifer froze and stared at Dean with wide eyes and Lucifer knew what was coming but Michael was confuse. Along with Dean and Sam.
"Why the fuck did you have to say that?" Said Lucifer who was preparing for what was about to happen. Shielding Michael with a pillow.
"What? What did I say?" Dean asked, unknown to what future trauma will come his way,
"Dean you really shouldn't have said that." Added Castiel looking smol and as terrified as Lucifer. Michael was confused at what was so bad about what Dean said.
"LET IT GO!! LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE!" Gabriel started singing loudly and Michael just looked at Sam confused.
"WHY DEAN WHY? WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO YOU! I HATE THIS FAMILY WHY CANT I GO BACK TO HELL!" Yelled Luci.
"Wha-?"
"No time for questions Dean, just run now." Cas began running and Dean quickly followed.
"I HATE THIS MORTAL WORLD! IT SUCKS AND I WILL MAKE IT MY PERSONAL MISSION TO BURN IT!"
Sam looked at Michael confused but had no context and just shrugged.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Lucifer yelled and threw and conveniently placed chair at Gabriel. But Gabriel seemed to have known that this was coming and duck. A second later there was a big bang.
"And the cold never bother me anyway." Gabriel finished smoothly and bowed. Sam and Michael confusedly clapped and Lucifer looked at Gabe with intense hatred.
"Thank you, thank you." Gabriel said. "I'll be here all day possibly in hell tomorrow."
"Or possibly right now." Lucifer corrected, walking over angrily the Gabe. Michael knew he had to calm Luci down every though he was severally afraid to.
"Whoa. Before anyone does go to hell why don't we all call down a bit." Michael said putting a hand on Luci's shoulder. "It's just a disney song, right?" Michael laughed nervously.
"It is not just a Disney song." Luci answered looking straight at Gabe.
"Disney songs are the reason I only get 4 hours of sleep at night. Disney songs are the reason I can't take a shower in the morning.
Disney songs are the reason I can never watch a Disney movie again without seeing flashbacks of Gabriel's singing which have traumatized me!"
"My singing is amazing I am offended!" Gabe said half heartily. "How could you be traumatized by something so good." Lucifer didn't replied but just looked at Gabriel angrily.
"You are lucky that Michael is here or your throat would of have already been on the ground." Michael smiled at Lucifer and was glad he was the thing keeping him from tearing out his brothers throat.
Michael wasn't paying attention because a second later Gabriel and Sam were gone.
"I swear when I see that kid in hell I will put him in an anti- Disney world." Lucifer said angrily, putting his hand on another chair.
"Whoa whoa whoa." Said Michael, disconnecting his hand from the chair. "Let's go to the couch and away from things you can't throw." He sat lucifer on the couch.
"Just uh...punch this pillow to get your anger out."
Michael had never felt worst for a pillow his entirely life. But it was worth it to make Lucifer less blood hungry for Gabriel.
"So feeling better?" Asked Michael, who was now traumatized and sat down slowly by lucifer.
"Yeah now I'm tired." Lucifer yawned and laid his head on Michael stomach.
"Sing me something." Said Lucifer.
"What?" Michael asked. Singing is what caused this in the first place.
"Sing me something, so I can sleep. And I swear if it's anything Disney related I will not hesitate to kick your ass."
"Love you too." Said Michael. And lucifer smiled a dopey smile. Michael began singing at song he heard on a show.
"Soft kitty...warm kitty...little ball of fur." He looked down and saw Lucifer eyes closing. "Happy kitty...sleepy kitty...pur...pur...pur." It was only two verses but that was enough to make Lucifer fall asleep. Michael smiled at his little devil and began to fall asleep for a bit as well.
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A/N
I hope you liked this chapter. It was very fun to write and now it's time to get back on the Michifer plot again!
I hope you have a wonderful day
Buh bye <3