eighteen.
Normani's POV
It's been three months since I last talked to Lauren. Lauren was someone who I deeply cared for and I was so in love with her, and my mind was just wrapped around her. I forgot who I was. The album ended up getting remade since I was in the process of writing the last few songs, but it didn't feel right. I didn't want to release anything that didn't explain how I'm feeling currently. All the songs were written when I was in love with Lauren. All the songs revolved around her. I was just about to release it, but then we broke up.
So now, I've redone my album, kept some songs from the previous record, but this one explains me more. There's more emotion and it's not just focused on love. It's focused on trust, heartbreak, love, and finding who I really am. It is a lot different from the last one. It was more of a fun, hip hop, pop, album, and now this one is more sensitive and lyrical. I'm not just talking about how much I'm in love with someone. I'm actually explaining myself.
The only songs I kept on this album were The Way and All Things Go. These two meant a lot to me. Especially The Way. I don't want to disregard my feelings I had with Lauren, they are apart of my story, and they should be told. The Way focused on how much I loved her and the way she did things. She made me feel good and happy, and I hadn't felt that in a while. All Things Go was my favorite. It is literally self explanatory. All Things Go. From the most important things to people. It just basically explained how I'm human too and I face issues that almost everyone goes through.
Currently, I released two songs, one called Just Different and the other called a Million. Both songs are about what I went through in my previous relationship, but both give a different vibe. Just Different is about my heart will always love Lauren, but it'll never be the same. Million is just talking about how her love went deep and how it was such a good feeling with her.
Tonight I had performed both songs on Jimmy Fallon. It was an outdoor concert I had done for the fans, since it's the most I can do for them since I pushed the album back. Both songs got such positive feedback since I released them so the most I could do is perform them live for the first time. I was going to wait for tour, but I wanted to surprise them.
Just Different was one of my favorites. I wrote it right after the break up and I recorded it in my basement back at home in Houston. It was a more pure affect to the songs on this album since everything was recorded in my homemade studio I made when I was a kid. At home, I'm more able to actually write everything out, since I'm in my comfort zone and I don't have people around me telling me I need to hurry up with the lyrics.
No one is prepared for this album. This is one is more me. No co-writers, ghostwriters, just me and my notepad. Everything on this album was done by me. I mainly produced the whole thing, but I got help from a former friend of mine.
Tonight, I'm dropping the album. No one knows it's coming. It's a complete surprise. The only thing people know is that I recorded two songs and I'm still in the recording process. I told them the album should be out late May only because I want them to think it's going to be forever.
"Babe," My boyfriends arms wrapped around my waist as I quickly exited out of what I was looking at on my laptop. "I know you were reading about Lauren and that girl." He said, snuggling his face in the crook of my neck. "But you gotta let that shit go." He said, kissing my neck softly.
I moved my head, and turned and looked at him. "Diggy, it's all over the internet. I can't run from it. It's not like I'm looking at it on purpose." I told him.
"Good, because I'm actually loyal to you." He said, winking at me. "Your album dropped a couple minutes ago. Twitter is going crazy, and you don't even seem happy about it."
"I am," I replied. "I'm glad people like it, but I just have a lot on my mind."
"Like what?"
"I'm hungry. I'm thinking about food."
He shook his head and laughed at me. "While you were napping, I went and bought you a hamburger and fries." He walked over to the microwave and pulled out the white bag and placed it in front of me.
I smiled once I saw it was from my favorite burger spot since I was a kid. He remembered.
"You remembered," I said happily, pulling out the burger.
"I always remembered." He smiled, taking one of my fries.
Diggy and I had been talking for quiet a while. A month after the situation, I came back home and recorded the album. Diggy decided to help me, and it felt like older times when we'd be in the basement making raps about school and awkward pre teenager love stories. Being with him brought back so many memories from when we were together. The reason why I got with him was because he was someone I trusted a lot and he was the only guy that I actually liked. We always had a spark between us, but we never got together. We finally did and everything worked out, but then we broke up.
Now, I'm here getting all these feelings back for him.
But my heart was still with Lauren. Even after three months.
It had been a week since my album has been out and I had to do promo for it. I did tv appearances, performances, radio interviews, and interviews. Everyone asked where did I go on social media since I went M.I.A for awhile. Just till I could get myself together and work on this album. The questions about Lauren were very uncomfortable. They talked about how she's been seen with this model recently as well as Tori. But I've been seeing her with Tori more than the model. Seen walking the streets together and going into a warehouse together which was odd. It made me a bit jealous to see her move on so quickly, but I can't let it bother me. People move on, it's apart of life.
As long as she's happy, that's all that matters to me. Whoever she's with she finds happiness within them. She loves hard and I know from experience and seeing how long she was with Camila for. It just didn't work out for us.
I think of her often. More than usual. All the memories comeback and the major memory was when we were in Hawaii and we recorded the song together. That moment was so much fun. We were in pajamas and eating, stuff you won't do normally in a regular studio. Everything was authentic.
When I heard about Lauren being with Jilly, I didn't want to believe it at first, but everything seemed so real. I just wouldn't expect Lauren to do that, especially after everything that we did. Then I heard it from Lauren, and knowing that it was true, my heart shattered into a million pieces. We just needed a break from each other. I couldn't handle being around her and being in love with her, knowing that she cheated. This break between us was the best thing. If we were still around each other, I'd probably hurt more and more each day.
I have to focus on me and do what is best for me physically and mentally.
-
Lauren's POV
Tori and I had recorded some songs together and made an EP. There had been a total of six songs, and we had been doing a lot of promo for the songs. We held a secret show for the fans, and made it into a livestream.
The songs were written by both of us, and they were recorded right after the fashion show and right after Normani told me she wanted space. So the songs are very much about her.
Now, three months later, I'm dating people. Not hooking up, just mingling around. Currently, there's two people in my life, but I don't know who I want to be with. They're both amazing, but they aren't Normani. Nothing feels right, but there's no possible chance of me getting back with her. She's in a relationship.
My heart will always belong to her, but it's best if I move on. If love fails, it wasn't love.
Today was rehearsals for this concert that featured many other artist called the Spring Bash. It was a tour that lasted for all of March and we went to thirty cities. This was my first tour in a while and I was pretty nervous. I hadn't performed in front of a whole audience of people in a couple years and now I am. The first show is tomorrow and today was very hectic.
We had been rehearsing since twelve this afternoon and now it's almost eleven at night. We did soundcheck at the arena and went over the lighting.
For this tour, me and Tori are performing the EP and then I'm performing another six songs from my album.
"So, I was thinking for your guys set, you perform two songs acoustically and then the rest with the band." Cookie told me and Tori.
"When are we performing acoustically? After the band? We don't want the audience to be bored." I stated and Tori nodded her head in agreement.
"Of course after, we want the crowd to be pumped up."
"So Funny and I Was Made For Loving You could be the acoustic songs and then the other four songs could be with the band." She told us.
"Sounds good." Tori smiled at the both of us and I reciprocated the smile.
"I'm so nervous." I said to them, biting down on my lower lip. "I think I'm getting sick guys." I frowned.
Recently, I had been coughing and sneezing a lot. My throat has been dry for the past couple of days, and I had been on vocal rest. I just hope by the time we get to Miami I feel better. That's my hometown and I want to put on a show.
"Just keep drinking water and tea, and stop talking." Cookie instructed me. "Now I want you guys to start it from the top. Don't sing from you throat either Lauren."
I nodded my head and adjusted myself on the stool. "Funny or I Was Made For Loving You?" I asked Tori.
"I Was Made For Loving You."
I nodded and picked up my guitar next to me and started strumming. Tori sang the first part of the song, and then I came in.
Hold me close through the night
Don't let me go, we'll be alright
Touch my soul and hold it tight
I've been waiting all my life
I won't scar your young heart
Just take my hand
Tori then sang the rest of the song with me as she strummed the other notes on her guitar.
Cause I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you
Please don't go, I've been waiting so long
Oh, you don't even know me at all
But I was made for loving you
I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you
I Was Made For Loving You was written by both Me and Tori. It was created by us talking about relationships and we kept saying we were made for loving whoever we were in love with. Then she just sang 'I was made for loving you' and then we just started making the song.
Throughout the whole recording process of the EP the vibe was good and I actual felt good after I got everything off my chest. I can't just walk around with all these feelings inside of me and not letting them out. Letting them out in a song and getting good feedback from the song is like a feeling of relief.
We sang Funny next and it was a song that was close to me. It was about being in this lifestyle and how you meet different people that don't really want the best for you. This was a song that we had written when we were together but when we broke up, we never got to recording it.
After we finished singing Funny, we finally had a break. I went to go grab a sandwich from the snack bar backstage and I got to see everyone set up for the interviews backstage.
"Are you excited?" Asked Tori as she stood next to me.
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged, eating the last piece of the sandwich I had.
I'm not really excited for the show, it's hard getting over a break up, and I'm still suffering from it. Even though I've been dating around, I feel odd. Nothing feels the same as it did with Normani. She had this type of love that couldn't be replicated. Her love was amazing and you could feel that she cared for you. With these people, I don't feel that. What I feel is something weird. They don't want to be with me for who I am, they want to be with me because of what I do.
"Well, I bet your nervousness will go away soon," The blonde assumed. "I have to go do an interview in a bit, but I'll see you soon." She smiled at me, wrapping her arms around me for a hug.
It was weird between me and Tori. We are flirting but we don't want to be together. She wants to make the next step I believe, but I don't know if I'm ready. Especially with Tori after what we went through.
I reciprocated the smile and checked my phone. Twitter was going crazy and everyone was angry. There were many tweets towards Normani and I was confused on what happened. Everyone was saying our relationship wasn't real and I should've stayed with Tori or find someone like Camila.
I never really invest myself with social media drama, but for some reason, I wanted to see what everyone is talking about.
So I checked her Instagram and it was her with her boyfriend I'm assuming and I could feel my heart sink down to my feet. There were three pictures of them, one they were holding hands, the other he had his arms wrapped around her, and the last one was them where he's looking down at her and she's looking up at him. Then earlier on Twitter, she had tweeted 'She could be everything you wanted".
What was pretty fun was that the replies were filled with things like 'Is this about Lauren', 'Laurmani rise,' 'just @ Lauren then', and 'this better be about Lauren.' Then there is always those fans that tweet the simple I love you and 'please read this' tweets.
Now, they see it was about her boyfriend and everyone has gone mad. She doesn't deserve this hate. There's no problem moving on, they have to understand that. Her happiness with him should be something they focus on.
I was going to tweet something, but I didn't feel like getting involved. If she's happy that's all that matters to me.
I could hear the crowd roaring as the announcer was giving away hints that I was up next. It was such a great feeling to get so much love from people that look up to you and idolize you. My favorite thing is when you sing to them and you look in their eyes and they're filled with happiness. This very moment is a moment that means the most to them. You can see the love that they have for you.
What else I love is when I'm performing acoustically and all the lights go up and you hear your words being sang back to you. I like when I don't sing the lyrics and all the fans are singing them back. It gives me chills.
Tonight, that is exactly what happened. Typically, I'm the one who tells them to forget about all their worries while they're at the show and leave feeling refreshed. Tonight, they were the ones telling me that. I felt all the love on stage and I saw their smiles which made me smile. During the meet and greet, there was so much positivity and many, tight hugs. These hugs were what I needed. My fans knew what I was going through and they are always the first to make sure I'm okay and happy.
After the last performance, I ran to the bus, and was accompanied by Cookie. She had been sitting with her legs crossed and had a big smile across her face. "Lauren, that was one of the best performances I've ever seen you do." She congratulated me, handing me over a water.
"Wait till the Miami show," I said, breathing heavily as I plopped down on the couch. "It was all the fans. Their energy was amazing tonight." I said once I caught my breath.
"Your fans are dedicated." She commented.
I nodded in agreement. "Very. They're special to me." I smiled.
I picked up my phone and this was the time where I usually go through my mentions or my tag and tweet the people who met me or were at the show. It was something I did a lot after shows, like my daily routine.
"Don't read the negativity Lauren," Cookie reminded me.
I nodded my head as I tweeted the fans. Supposedly there was a live stream for the show, so practically the whole fanbase watched.
"You think Normani watched the live stream?" I asked Cookie, setting my phone down for a second.
She shrugged. "You never know Lauren."
"It's not like I wanted her to watch it, but I mean, it would be great if she did." I replied, going back through my mentions.
"You are so in love with this girl." A voice said, popping her head out the bunk.
Ally jumped down and sat down next to Cookie.
"I can't help it." I replied truthfully. "But I have to move on. If I want to be just as happy as she is, I have to let go. I have to move on. Go have fun. I can't be caught up in a relationship that is nonexistent.
"Glad you finally realized that." The smaller girl laughed. "But seriously Lauren, that's what's best for you. You can't be so caught up in this relationship anymore. It's been months. It's time for you to be happy."
"I understand, and I'm trying, but it's going to take awhile." I frowned a bit. As I was scrolling down my timeline, there was a promotion tweet about Normani's album. "She dropped an album." I told them.
"What?" Cookie said, furrowing her brows and moving over to my side of the couch, Ally followed.
We all took a look at the album cover, and it just reminded me of how beautiful she was. Her features captivated me and I was just in awe with her. She was flawless.
This is a great way to get over her.
"There's a lot of tracks. A couple feature her boyfriend." I said as I scrolled down the tracklist.
"Jealous?" Ally joked.
I rolled my eyes and went to the back of the bus. I shut the door so I could be in private and I listened to her album. The songs were so meaningful and they were definitely about our relationship. The lyrics were powerful and everything she was singing about was true. There weren't any diss tracks, but the songs did bring back memories. Everything she said we did, I remembered, and then I would hurt.
I was hurt for many reasons. Not trusting her, not loving her the same, and hurting her. All this pain came back, and I felt terrible. Neither of us should have to go through this pain, we should be happy. Happy together, and the only way that would've happened was if I didn't do what I did.
She would've been backstage cheering me on or calling me right after I got off stage to see how it was. It would've been this way if I hadn't screwed up.
A/N : This chapter was a bit short, a updated late. Writers block. :p. I'm currently back in school, so I don't know when I'll update, but I'll try not to make it a long time span haha. I hope you guys liked this chapter, I literally had no clue what to write so I just flowed with things.
Sorry if there are spelling errors, I'm super tired because it was my first day back at school sadly. ):
I'm also in the process of writing another fic, so I'm writing that so I could give you guys something else to read if this one doesn't update. I'll let you guys know when I post it. (:
As for the songs in this chapter they are:
Just Different - Teyana Taylor
Million - Tink
I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly
Funny - Tori Kelly
Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a nice day/night. Don't forget to comment, share, and vote. (:
- Raven