nineteen.
"Thank you New York!" I waved to the audience after I finished performing. I rushed to the tour bus right after I got off the stage.
"You seem like you're getting sicker," Ally commented as she watch me plop down on the sofa. "Are still going to Tori's album release party tomorrow night?" She questioned.
I nodded my head. "I promised her." I replied after I coughed.
"But the Miami show is the next day."
"I'll be fine. I just have to rest up."
"Alright, I know how much this show means to you. Just don't get sicker."
We had been a couple days into the tour and I had gotten sicker. Performing has gotten a lot tiring and my throat is getting dryer. I can't hit certain notes, and I am on the verge of losing my voice. So because of that, I have been on vocal rest. I can't talk the whole day because I have to save my voice for the show. The only time I can talk is during interviews.
It sucks because I'm not really suppose to talk to the fans in the meet and greets. The doctor told me not too, but I can't do that. They traveled and waited so long to speak to me, and I just don't want to let anyone down.
I went to my bunk and had got a facetime call from Liam.
Hey sicko.
"Shut up." I rolled my eyes.
How excited are you to finally come home?
"I don't know if Miami wants me anymore." I laughed, referring to all my mistakes I've made in my past and how they let down my city.
Don't say that, everyone out here has been going crazy about your album. Local news channels have been going crazy about you.
"Really?" I furrowed my brows.
Yeah! If you haven't noticed, promotion for your album is crazy out here. You have a billboard and shit.
I raised my brows out of shock, "That's so crazy. You know, sometimes I forget I'm famous and when I hear stuff like that I either don't believe it or it comes to me as a shocker."
You've been famous ever since you were sixteen Lauren.
"I know, but I don't feel famous. I'm a normal girl with an abnormal lifestyle."
You know how proud Camila would be if she was still here?
I chuckled at the thought of her cheering me on at shows. "Yeah, I probably wouldn't have fucked up my life though. Everything would've went smoothly." I frowned a bit.
Well, look at the benefits of it. Think about it this way, if you hadn't made those mistakes, you would not be the person you are now. If you haven't lived through that stage, you wouldn't be as wise as you are now. You wrote about your love life and your life and now everyone wants to hear your story. Now you're back on track and even better.
I reciprocated the smile he gave and was very appreciative of his words. "It was all because of Normani. If Normani hadn't came into my life and helped me out, I probably would've gotten worse."
It was all you Lauren. You made the decision to change your life. Normani was just someone who was by your side, giving you words of encouragement. She didn't make the decision to change for the better, you did.
Liam had a way with words that could just make someone feel amazing. He was one of my best guy friends and whenever I was going through something, I would give him a call, and he would listen to all my problems. It's a good feeling to have someone like him around.
Speaking of Normani, have you guys spoken? I don't trust these tabloids.
"Nope, haven't spoken to each other in like months. It sucks. She moved on, I guess I kinda did."
So, who is this mystery girl that you posted a picture with, but she wasn't showing her face.
I chuckled and shook my head. "A friend."
Keana?
"No!"
Damn, chill out. So, she's a friend that you won't tell me about?
"I haven't told anyone. No one knows who she is. Only reason is because we don't go to restaurants in the same car."
So, are you going to tell me?
"You'll find out soon."
Mystery girl is going to the party?
"You have to wait and see, but I gotta go, early morning."
Talking to Liam is always good. He helps me get my mind off things, and he's a very nice person. I'm really excited to see him tomorrow.
Morning time arrived and I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep, and my body felt terrible. I felt so sore, my throat was dryer than yesterday, and I had the worst headache ever.
Today, I had a couple of interviews to do and after that I had enough time to hang out with some friends before the party started.
As we were on the way to the radio station, I was scrolling down Twitter and everyone was talking about the post. So many people were saying things like, "Lauren is so shady," "Shady Lauren rose from the dead," "Okay but she looks hot in this photo," "Why can't I be the Mystery girl," "I'm actually the mystery girl," "MY SHADY QUEEN LAUREN JAUREGUI HAS ARRIVED." The last one was my ultimate favorite tweet, I wanted to favorite it, but that would cause controversy.
My post wasn't supposed to be intended as a shady post. I didn't even realize I posted a week after Normani's. I really just wanted to post it to piss of journalist and plus the photo was artsy.
Seconds later, when I refresh my timeline, I see a bunch of letters, (either starting with 'omg' or "what the fuck' hidden by random letters) and tweets sent to Normani.
I ain't worried about nuttin'
Her tweet said. I furrowed my brows and felt the urge to tweet something. The fact she thinks I'm trying to shade her. I would never shade her in a million years. Nothing was intentional.
Everyone was tweeting me, telling me to come online, but they didn't know I was witnessing it. The exact reason why I hate social media. Everything gets taken out of content.
I had to address the issue.
The post wasn't meant to be shade, everything gotten taken out of content. I literally just posted it because it was cool looking.
It would mean a lot if drama wasn't started of a picture.
I sent out two tweets, and nothing was directed at Normani. They might think the first one was, but oh well. They can think what they want. Only I know the truth about the photo.
We arrived at the radio station and I took a seat in front of the interviewer. We shook hands and got right into the interview.
Interviewer : We have Lauren Jauregui with us today! It's been a minute since we last spoke. You were really small and tiny, now you're like this badass chick. I wish I looked like you.
I just have good lighting everywhere I go.
Interviewer: The sun just constantly shines on you then.
Pretty much.
Interviewer: Your fans have been dying to get you on this show. Even when you didn't have your album out. You were probably sitting at home and your fans would be like 'Put Lauren on your show'
She raised her voice a bit and I chuckled.
Miami fans go hard. The Miami fans are like family. I grew up playing shows for them out here before my move to LA. I'm really excited to be back.
Interviewer: Let me tell you, Miami has missed you.
I missed Miami.
Interviewer: We're glad to have you back! Now, let's jump right into this album. Sweet Dispositions. First off, how'd you come up with that name?
Well, it was a phrase that meant a lot to me. Before it was Misericordia, but the meaning behind the album was very relevant to what was being sung on it.
Interviewer: What's the meaning?
To me, it means savior from pain of emotions and finally coming to the true capacity of the heart.
Interviewer: You know I'm not good with stuff like this Lauren, this is another language to me. Translate that.
Figuring out your heart after you been through a lot.
Interviewer: The first way was a beautiful description. I can tell now that's what it means. Looking back at all the songs. Drowning, that shit is fire.
I laughed and smiled. Drowning is one of my favorites. It feels so good to finally have an album out.
Interviewer: It feels good to finally hear your voice after a couple years. Now you have an EP out with Tori Kelly!
Yup! It wasn't going to be released honestly. Wasn't even supposed to be an EP. Originally, we were just going to make one song, but we ended up making six and I was like 'this is good, lets release it,' and we did.
Interviewer: That's amazing. Everyone has been dying for you to collab.
Looks like it happened.
Interviewer: Now, question, are you guys dating?
No.
Interviewer: Oh. Seems like it.
Only because the way the media portrays it.
Interviewer: So then who is this mystery girl?
A friend so lets leave it at that.
Interviewer: Seems like you got over Normani pretty quickly! You two went your separate ways. Do you still talk?
Um. We haven't really spoken in a while, but I don't have anything against her. We just need our space for a minute. We both recently released albums, it's best to focus on the music. I try to keep my private life and career away from each other.
Interviewer: Both albums are doing amazing on the charts. You are still in top ten and your album has been out for a couple months now! Crazy.
Yeah, it's an amazing feeling to know there's people that still care and listen to me and giving me a shot.
Interviewer: They should! Everyone slips up every now and then, it's life!
Exactly.
Interviewer: Now, everyone has been asking do you still love Normani?
I mean, I will always love her no matter what, but things didn't work out. We both know that. It wasn't safe for our mental and physical health.
Interviewer: Well, there you have it people, Lauren Jauregui. Thanks for hanging out with us.
Thanks for having me.
I smiled and we went off air. I hugged the interviewer before I left and promised I will be back soon.
The questions were pretty awkward at the end. I hated talking about my personal life, but I had to address somethings. I didn't want rumors about me and Normani hating each other going around because that's not what's happening at all. The rumors about the mystery girl had to be addressed before people say things and assuming things. If I don't speak upon something, the situation will get worse and everyone will go crazy including me.
"These questions about Normani are kind of annoying. I love her, but I don't want to talk about her," I told Cookie as we were on our way to the next interview. "We should be talking about my album not my ex." I said irritatedly and rolled my eyes.
"I know as much as you want to talk about your album, there's no way around it."
"I don't get why my love life is more of a focus then my music?"
"That's Hollywood for you."
The next interviewer talked about my album and Normani as well. As well as Mystery Girl and Tori. I know my fans didn't want to focus on my relationship, maybe some of them, but not as much as the tabloids. They want to get whatever they can out of you. There is no avoid relationship status questions.
After the interview, I met up with a friend, 'Mystery Girl' for lunch. Like normal friends do.
The brunette had already been sitting at a table and she waved me her hand in the air motioning me over to her. I greeted her with a smile and sat across from her. "Hey Mystery Girl," I teased, pulling my chair in.
She rolled her eyes and the blue eyes locked with mine, "I was waiting forever.You take forever to show up places."
"Because you are usually late." I replied.
"Who was late today and the other night, oh, and the night before that?"
"You know your were late the times before that! I would be the one waiting."
"I am a changed person," She responded. "How was your day today?"
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Interesting, had two interviews, but they asked about Normani." I frowned a bit.
"Relationship questions are so difficult, I'm glad I barely get them." She flashed a big grin as she rested her chin on her hands that were crossed.
She isn't really in the industry, but she is, well trying to get in. I'm helping her, by giving her a few tips. She's an upcoming model, I'm just telling her how to get in by giving her numbers to people. So far, she's doing good, she's gotten head shots in and a few people are looking at her.
"No, but seriously Lauren, you gotta do something about it. If it bothers you, let Cookie know." She advised me.
"I did, she said there's no avoiding it. I don't want to avoid it either. I don't want tabloids to get the wrong idea."
"Tabloids are just dicks," She laughed. "That's why I don't like them." She added on.
It took me a little while to catch on to the joke, but I finally got it and nearly spit out my water. "Anyways, how was your day?" I asked, watching the brunette smile largely seeming proud of her joke.
"Good. I slept in all day. I literally got up an hour ago." She informed me. "Kinda didn't want to show up, but I wanted to be nice." She winked at me.
"Well you were the one that suggested we go out, and you kinda made the reservation." I commented, scratching my temple with my index finger.
"Only because I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"Or only because you just wanted to see my face since the last time I saw you was a couple days ago." I winked.
"Can you shut up and can we talk about something different?" She asked.
I smirked and nodded my head. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Well, remember that guy I told you about the other night? We aren't together anymore." She stated, sipping on her water.
My eyes widened. "Really?! I thought you guys were in love and shit?"
She laughed a bit. "No. We were only a couple months. Nothing was working out. He was a dick. I hate guys. This is like the fifth time this has happened to me." She sighed out of annoyance.
"What happened necessarily?" I asked.
"He always seemed to forget that I was with him, and he is a big time flirt with other girls. Couldn't handle it." She rolled her eyes.
"You gotta find the right person. Someone who won't treat you that way." I mentioned to her, knowing exactly what she's going through since I went through almost the same thing with Zayn.
"I think I'm done with guys, they're so difficult."
"You're going to say this now, but at the party you are probably going to be all over some guy and maybe hook up with him." I laughed.
"You really think I will? I'm offended."
"That's what you did with the last guy!" I chuckled.
"Leave me alone," she pouted. "What time is this party anyways?"
"Nine thirty. If I'm waiting for you longer than ten minutes, I'm leaving you behind." I teased, rolling my eyes.
"Whatever, just be on time Jauregui."
"I'll try." I winked.
She was a good person, very fun to hang around. I always felt comfortable around her and I never felt like I would be judged by her. When we first met, it was like we clicked right away and we became close really quickly.
It was time for the party and I had showed up with the brunette. We walked over to my other friends, including Tori and I introduced them to her. Liam pulled me aside and asked if she was single or if we were together and I told him she rather not be with a guy at the moment. His smirk faded quickly and he rolled his eyes.
We went back with the others and the brunette stayed by my side the whole party. Wherever I went, she went, she never left me alone. I didn't mind, I was okay with it.
"Lets take a picture!" She told me in my ear.
"Really?" I furrowed my brows and looked at her. She nodded her head with a small smile on her lips. "You like hiding your face?"
"I find it pretty amusing ," She shrugged, smiling afterwards. "Lets go."
The blue eyed girl held my hand and walked me over to a couch. We sat down next to each other and took about a million pictures because she couldn't stop laughing.
"Alright," she laughed, flipping her hair out of her face. "This one, this will be it." She assured.
I had my legs crossed on the table in front of me (don't worry, I had on a jumper), and she rested her head on my shoulder. hiding her face in my shoulder as her hair draped over her face.
After the photo was taken, she shot her head up and smiled at me. "Your smell good,"
I reciprocated the smile and nodded. We looked at the picture and the only thing you could really see was her smile. It was a good picture, possibly the best one we've ever taken together. What was also funny was that we were matching, which was completely unintentionally.
"Everyone is going to go crazy." She laughed as she watched me type in the caption to the photo.
All laughs and smiles.
"My fans are dying to know who you are."
"I'm surprised they haven't found my social media accounts."
"I told them you were on private and you aren't really famous. So they haven't searched for anything I bet."
Typically, my fans figure stuff out pretty quickly. They know how to leak songs, and all this other stuff. They're like detectives. This is the only thing they can't figure out.
As I was posting the picture, I noticed the brunette had been staring pretty hard at me. I looked away from my phone then at her and she smiled at me. "What?" I smirked.
"Nothing," She reciprocated the smirk and shook her head. "Thanks for bring me." She told me, clinging onto the side of my arm.
"No problem, thanks for coming." I smiled looking over at her.
She inched up on her tippy toes and as soon as she was going to make a move, Liam came up to us.
"Sorry, um, Lauren, I need to talk to you." He told me awkwardly.
I looked over at the brunette and frowned and followed Liam to an area where there wasn't really anybody at.
"What?" I asked in an irritated tone.
"Look." He pointed his finger at the familiar girl, sipping on her drink and swaying along to the music. "Did you know Normani was going to be here?" He asked me.
I shook my head. All these feelings I had for her came back. It's not like they left, but recently I hadn't been really thinking about her. It's almost like I was on the borderline of getting over her, but now she's a couple feet away from me, everything is all coming back.
"You good?" He asked me, and I nodded my head and walked back over to the brunette.
The whole night, I often would look at Normani and she would look back at me. It was extremely awkward, it was like we looked at each other like we didn't know who we were.
I watched as she danced with her boyfriend and I felt jealousy fill up my body. It was very tempting to go over there and speak to her, but most likely, I'm the last person on the planet she wants to speak to.
"Hey Lauren," The brunette asked me, catching my attention. "Are you okay?" She asked curiously.
I nodded my head with a fake smile. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."
She smiled and placed her hands on my shoulders, "I think I might catch an uber, I have a shoot early morning." She rolled her eyes.
"You sure you don't want me to take you?" I questioned.
She nodded her head easily, "I don't want to you to have worry about leaving." She stated. "I'll call you when I get to the hotel." She said before walking off.
"I'll walk you out." I mentioned, following the brunette out the party.
"You didn't have to do this," she stated, shifting her weight on to her right side.
"But I wanted too."
She smiled and shifted her attention to the street, watching all the cars fly by, looking for her uber. "You should talk to her Lauren, it wouldn't hurt to try." The brunette spoke once she turned back around.
I frowned a bit, not wanting to talk about my ex. "It won't change anything." I responded sadly.
"I mean, you never know." She shrugged.
I could talk to Normani, but I'm afraid it'll turn out bad. She doesn't want anything to do with me, and it's understandable, but it also hurts. All I want to do is apologize, but I can't with this tension we have. This tension is so awkward. I can't just walk up and talk to her, it's like we don't know each other anymore.
"Well, my uber is here." She mentioned.
I walked her closer to the car and held the door open for her as she got in. "Call me when you get inside." I told her.
She nodded her head and gave a small smile. I reciprocated and shut the door for her. I watched her car disappear and I turned back around to head back into the party.
The best thing for me would be to go back to the hotel, but I didn't want to. I had to talk Normani.
Take a risk and either be happy with the consequences or suffer with the consequences.
The rest of the night, I stayed in the corner with my friends, but my eyes and mind were on Normani. Watching the way her body moved rhythmically with the music, how she tossed her hair over to the other side, it all brought back memories. Memories of us having a good time together, enjoying the music, but most importantly enjoying the time we had together. I missed that the most.
"Starring won't help anything." Liam mentioned, looking in the same direction as me. "Just ask to speak to her."
"Diggy is right next to her." I pointed out.
"I'll occupy him," Liam smiled mischievously.
This should be interesting...
I watched Liam stumble over towards the guy and it seemed like whatever he said to him worked. The two of them exited the party and now it was just Normani all alone. I watched as she sat at the bar all by herself. She tapped her fingers on the counter, looking at the menu, possibly thinking about ordering a drink. It was a perfect chance to talk to her.
I exhaled deeply, wiping my palms on my pants, getting the sweat off. I fixed my hair a bit, and finally walked over to her. My heart was pounding, and I toned out the sound of everything around me and just thought about what I was going to say to her.
Never in my life have I ever been so nervous. I was so afraid that I might possibly say something wrong or that she was either going to turn me down right when I get up to her. I felt like something bad was about to happen, but I just have to get through it. I never know what could happen after this.
Only two things could happen, either rejection or she'll want to talk to me.
I got closer to her, and she immediately turned her head. Once she looked at me, she looked surprised and shocked. Her brows raised and her mouth was in an "o" shape.
"Hi."
"Hey."