sixteen.
"Lauren! Lauren! Lauren!" The fans chanted, banging against the window of my car. I waved at them with my finger and smiled, laughing at how adorable their reaction was. Every time I saw them, their energy was always amazing and they always seemed to make me smile whenever I was feeling down. Like today.
"Next weeks a big day," Cookie says to me as scrolling through her phone and raising her brows out of excitement. I turned and looked her and smiled without responding. "Are you nervous?"
I shrugged, not really having that on my mind. I was too focused on my phone. "A little bit," I paused to look at my phone and noticed Normani hasn't responded to any of my messages.
"You shouldn't be." She said happily with a smile on her face.
But everything was going out one ear and out the other. "I, um, I–" I stammered, not really knowing what she said since I was thinking about why my girlfriend hadn't replied yet.
"What's wrong with you?" She asked, looking over at me.
"Nothing, it's just Normani hasn't texted me all day," I sighed heavily, locking my phone. I looked at Cookie and smiled. "But I'm not going to worry about it." That was a complete lie. Of course I'm going to worry about it. I have no clue if she's hurt or in danger. I don't want what happened to Camila to happen to her.
She reciprocated the smile and turned to face me. "So, you will be performing on the Late Late Show with Justin in a few and then after that, team meeting, then you can go home."
"The Feeling right?" I questioned.
She nodded her head. "Yes, and it'll be the first time ever performed on TV." She informed me, making me feel ten times more nervous. "Don't be nervous, you got this." She said, noticing how I bit down on my lower lip and glanced out the window.
I checked my phone again to see if Normani had replied and I hadn't gotten a message yet. It was weird that she didn't text me at all today. We usually are always talking to each other, no matter what we're doing. But for her not to reply to any of my messages made me feeling like somethings off.
"Waiting for an important message?" My makeup artist asked me, noticing how I sighed.
"Just one simple message." I replied, unlocking my phone and still seeing no message from her. "It could just be a period. At least I know she's okay." I frowned once I got out the chair, turning and looking at him.
"Well, you never know. Her phones probably dead. Don't stress about it. She'll be fine." He told me, waving his hand dismissively.
I frowned at his words knowing that this would probably stress me out the whole performance. I couldn't let it bother or get to me because I won't be able to focus on stage. Maybe she'll reply while I'm performing.
Justin had been standing on the side stage waiting for his name to be called as I stood on the opposite end. He waved at me and I reciprocated, quickly looking away and at the host. Once he called out our names, we walked towards the microphones that had already been on the stage.
I found it strange that I wrote this song about Mani and it turns out that I am in love with her. I just had to process it at first. Everything she's done for me and helping me be the person I am today, makes my heart happy. Just the thought of her not replying to any of my messages scares me. My biggest fear is lossing her.
To not look so boring, during the bridge me and Justin walked over towards each other, and sang to each other. He placed his hand on my cheek, and the look in his eyes said everything. He wasn't over me, and he was in love.
I quickly turned away and walk back towards the mic stand. Cookie had been on the side stage and I looked at her. She was telling me to walk back over towards him and sing to him since it made the performance interesting. As much as I didn't want too, I did as instructed and he picked up my hand and held it.
We sang the last few lyrics of the song, and he lift his hand up to my cheek, pushing my hair behind my ear. His other hand on my hip, pulling me gently into him. We hugged for a few seconds, and I pulled away. Our gazes met and his eyes softened.
I dropped my gaze to the floor and moved out the way for the host to stand between us.
"No, no, no, you two stand next to each other." The host said, moving me out the way. "What such an amazing performance!" He said in amazement. "You guys wrote the song together?" He asked.
"Yeah. Well, I was writing it, and I needed some help with it. I liked what lyrics she had down so I had her hop on the track." Justin said, smiling and scooting a bit closer to me.
"Well, what an amazing song. Hopefully we'll see more work from you two in the future!" He said, turning towards the audience and nodding.
"You never know." Justin chuckled and shrugged.
The show then went to commercial and we headed backstage. I rushed to my dressing room to get to my phone, but as soon as I shut my door, it was stopped by a foot.
I turned and saw Justin outside the door and sighed. "Justin, I'm sorry, but–"
"No, I just wanted to say thank you." He said, opening the door.
I thought he was going to say something completely different, but it turned out to be something I wasn't expecting. "You're welcome." I said, furrowing my brows confusedly.
"I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what I did last time. Fighting Zayn. I know I messed up, but he shouldn't have did what he did. But I also should've handled it a different way." He confessed to me. "I know you don't want to get with me, but I was just wondering if we could still be friends?"
I lightly laughed and nodded. "Yes," he smiled widely when I told him that. "And for the record, I was never not going to be your friend. I just needed some space." I clarified adding a wink at the end.
"It's fine. I'm glad we can put that behind us." He smiled. "Well, I have to go. My interview is in thirty seconds." He said, rushing towards the side stage again.
I then went to check my phone and still no message.
During the team meeting, we discussed my album which was about to drop sometime next week. We discussed the tracks that were going to be on it, and on it will be fourteen tracks and the deluxe will have seventeen.
Ally had caught me hiding my phone under the table and took it from me. I sighed and tried reaching for it but she pulled it further away. "This is your future, and you need to make your own decisions. Which means focus." She whispered.
I rolled my eyes and looked to the front at the screen that had a pie chart on it.
"So with promotion, this is what first weeks sales will most likely look like." This guy name Jeff told us. "Based on your fanbase." He added on.
"I don't care about the money, I just care about the music. I thought we were discussing the album title and shit?" I blurted out, out of frustration.
"We are Lauren," Cookie told me. "It's just necessary we go over this with the artist." She clarified.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Well can we go over it another time. I have to get home."
"There is no other time. Your album is dropping next week." She said, rolling her neck. It was obvious she was annoyed by her body language.
I didn't respond. As much as I wanted to get up and leave, I probably would be jeopardizing my career and my big comeback. My comeback was the most important thing to me currently.
After hours of discussing what songs we for sure wanted on the album, it came down to the title. Based on the names of the songs, I came up with multiple titles. The top three I liked were Misericordia, Bad Intentions, and Sweet Disposition.
"Well," I flapped my lips like a horse as I looked at the three names on the table. "These two stand out the most to me. Based on the songs I'm choosing to put on the album." I stated, pushing forward the flashcards with titles on them.
"So between Misericordia and Sweet Dispositions." Cookie said. "I like Sweet Dispositions."
"I do too." Ally agreed.
Sweet Dispositions was one that stood out the most to me as well. It was a phrase that I liked a lot and it was also very relevant to the album. The phrase, well in my definition, means savior from pain of emotions and finally coming to the true capacity of the heart. In other words, figuring your heart out after you have been through a bunch of shit.
"Amazing!" Cookie smiled excitedly, clasping her hands together. "When is the photoshoot?" She asked, looking at Ally.
"The photoshoot is tomorrow. Early morning tomorrow Lauren, so don't do anything stupid tonight." The smaller girl joked.
I groaned actually having hope that I would get to sleep in since I had an early morning this morning as well. Typically, Cookie tries to keep my sleeping schedule not too hectic, since she knows she'll get the best from me if I get my sleep. Since today I woke up at 4AM, I would be in bed at 10PM. Since this meeting went over time, I won't be getting that much sleep probably, depending on the time I have to get up.
"What time do I have to get up?" I asked sadly.
"Five." Ally stated.
I shrugged. At least it wasn't four or three.
--
On the way home, I called Mani about twenty times. Still no answer. When I got home, I had been leaving her a voicemail as I pulled up to the driveway and I saw her car. I hung up confused and went inside.
"What the hell Normani," I sighed and felt somewhat relieved when I saw the darker girl sitting on the couch, but also frustrated by why she wasn't answering. "Did you get any of my messages?" I asked, shutting and locking the door behind me.
"Phones dead." She said bluntly. She got up putting her plate of leftover food in the trash. "I'm going to bed." She mentioned, brushing passed me.
I furrowed my brows, following her to the bedroom. "Why do you sound like that?" I asked, leaning against the doorframe.
"Like what?" She asked, pulling the covers back.
"So monotone."
"Tired." She said, laying down. "I saw your performance with Justin." She added on.
I walked over towards my side of the bed and as I was going to sit down, she stuck her leg out, preventing me from sitting down. "What are you doing?"
"It was an interesting performance." She said.
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing, but the couch seems comfortable for you tonight." She told me, turning her back to me.
I was caught off guard, but I didn't feel like arguing tonight. So I grabbed my pillow and slept on the couch. The whole night I was confused on why she was acting this way. Maybe she's joking around with me. I'll just wait till the morning time for her to come and get me to lay with her.
She never came and got me. Once I woke up, I saw her putting her jacket on and heading out. "Where are you going? It's five in the morning." I asked her, rubbing my eyes and stretching. The couch made it seem like I slept on rocks. When I stretched it even hurt more.
She ignored me and left. This was weird. Something was up, I don't know what I did wrong. Everything had been going smoothly between us.
I sat on the couch, and thought about what could I have possibly done, then I stumbled upon something I did a couple of nights ago. The night with Jilly. Maybe she found out. But from who? Why would her own best friend tell her that she hooked up with her girlfriend?
-
Normani's POV
*the other day*
"You think she'll like this?" I asked Jilly, pointing to the necklace in the case.
"Mani," she started.
The way she said my name I just knew she didn't like the necklace. "Cmon Jilly, I showed you almost everything here, and you still don't like anything. We've been to so many different jewelers and you still don't like anything." I sighed. Today I wanted to get Lauren something to show her that I appreciate her a lot.
"No, I," Jilly paused, dropping her gaze.
"What's wrong?" I asked, looking at her intensely.
She looked up and smiled. "I'm fine," she stated. "You should get her the necklace. I like it."
"Damn, was it that hard to tell me you liked it?" I joked, waiting for the employee the come help us. Once he got to us, I pointed to the necklace, and he bent down and grabbed it for me.
"It's hard telling you things sometimes." She mumbled, shrugging her shoulders.
"Jill, we've been friends since we were kids. You shouldn't have any difficulty telling me anything." I told her sincerely with a small chuckle at the end.
She smiled at my words, then looked back at the employee.
"Do you think you can do engravings on it?" I asked him. He nodded his head, and asked what wanted on it.
"To the girl that I'll only and ever love."
What I had gotten Lauren was a locket. Inside I was planning on putting a picture of us in it and on the back, it'll have To The Girl That I'll Only And Ever Love.
"Are you sure you're going to still love her, like in the future?" Jilly asked, watching me examine the necklace as we sat in the car.
I sighed out of annoyance and looked at her. "Why do you sound so skeptical?" I asked the light eyed girl frustratedly.
"I'm not!" She said defensively. "I'm just trying to look out for you." She explained. "You can't predict the future."
"But I do know Lauren." I replied.
She sighed. "You don't know what she's capable of doing," she paused. I furrowed my brows and before I could say anything, she spoke. "Listen, just be careful. I don't want to see you hurt. You care about this girl a lot and I want you to receive the same thing from her that's all." She expressed generously.
"Thank you, but I highly doubt anything bad will happen between us." I said confidently. "I appreciate you for being there for me." I smiled at her words, and hugged her.
Later that day, we hung out with a couple friends and went out to eat. We then went to Jilly's place and had a few drinks.
"If you really love Lauren, you'll get a tattoo for her." My former hometown friend said, moving her chopsticks through her rice.
"I don't need a tattoo to express my love for her." I said waving my hand dismissively. "That's too extreme."
"But she's the only girl you'll ever love." Jilly announced. "So getting a tattoo wouldn't hurt."
"Just do it," Another friend added on, "It doesn't even have to be big. Just a small one. A hidden one."
"You always said you wanted a tattoo." Jilly stated, sipping on her drink.
I looked at all of my friends, and maybe getting a tattoo would be cool. She is a big part of my life. I always wanted a meaningful one too, so maybe this wouldn't be such a bad idea.
"Fine. I'll get the tattoo." I announced to them.
My friend drove us to the parlor and I came to the conclusion that I was going to get our date tattooed on my rib cage.
"That wasn't too bad was it?" Jilly asked once it was over.
"Luckily I had some drinks before getting this." I answered, knowing that if I hadn't had any drinks, I probably wouldn't have felt it.
It started getting around the time Lauren was coming home, so I stayed with Jilly for a while, just until the alcohol wore off. The others had went home so now, it was just me and her.
"I'm so excited to give her the gift." I cheered excitedly clapping my hands. Jilly had smiled but it quickly faded. She fiddled with her thumbs in her lap and bit down on her lip. "What's wrong?" I asked curiously.
She sighed heavily and her gaze met mine. "I need to tell you something." She said.
"What's up?" I said openly. Turning my body and facing her on the couch.
"I need you to know something. It's been bothering me all day and you seemed so happy, I didn't want to have to break it to you." She stated.
I furrowed my brows and I felt my heart hit against the walls of my chest, like it was frantically asking to get out. "What are you talking about?" I looked at her intensely as she avoided eye contact with me.
She grew silent and the anticipation was killing me. I just wanted her to get it out already. I'm never good with stuff like this. When people tell me things, I want to know right then and there. No pauses. Just say it.
"Jilly," I said firmly, placing my hand on her shoulder. "You can tell me." I said assuring and softly. Maybe if I was calm, it'll make it easier for her to tell me.
She hesitated and she finally looked up at me. I nodded my head, letting her know whatever she's going to tell me, it's going to be okay. The way she looked, I really had to not seemed worried. She looked hurt and I had to show her that I'm here for her. I have to be the bigger person.
"Well," She finally spoke, looking down at her hands in her lap. "A couple nights ago, I did something..." She said, not sounding too happy about her decision.
"What did you do?" I asked her, placing my hand on her knee.
"I-I," She stammered. The light eyes disappeared behind her eyelids as she shut the tightly.
"Whatever you did, it's fine Jills. I know you. You couldn't have done anything bad. The baddest thing you've done was come home drunk." I laughed, remembering the time in Houston when we had went to a party and her boyfriend at the time got her drunk.
"Maybe I should just come clean," She said softly to herself, but loud enough for me to hear her. I furrowed my brows, and met her gaze. "Normani, for a while now, well not a while, I've liked you. Like ever since we were younger, I've always pictured myself with you."
Her words caught me by surprise, and I furrowed my brows in confusion and took my hand off her knee. I didn't mean to react the way I did, it was just I couldn't picture her liking me. She did have a thing for the same sex, but I didn't think she'd have a thing for me. We act more like sisters than anything.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I asked her.
"I wanted too, but, you feel for Lauren." She confessed. "And once you feel for her, it was like my world shattered. Hearing you talk about her almost everyday, it hurt. That's why I acted so weird all the time."
"Like today in the Jeweler store." I recalled. "Do you not like Lauren?" I questioned.
She shook her head. "That's not why I was acting weird, and I don't have anything against her. I just wouldn't think you'd fall for her. I also thought you were straight."
"I thought I was too. I didn't think I would end up liking her. But there was something about her that I loved, and boom. My heart was about to explode every time I saw her." I said with a smile on my face, thinking about the green eyes and how they would twinkle when either something was funny or she was passionate about something. Her eyes were my favorite feature about her. They were just so captivating and mesmerizing, you could get lost in them. Whenever you spoke about something, they would pierce through you as she looked at you intensely. They may be intimidating to others, but to me, they are like home.
"Why were you acting weird in the store?" I asked her, going back to the original subject.
She sighed deeply, and dropped her gaze back into her lap. "A couple nights ago..." She paused.
"A couple nights ago you..." I repeated.
"I had went out with Lauren,"
I took a deep breath, and waiting to hear what she was going to say next, hoping it wasn't what I think it was. I mean she's my best friend, she wouldn't do that to me. I shouldn't jump to conclusion.
"What happened Jilly?" I asked her calmly.
"Lauren and I hooked up." She said.
I furrowed my brows, not actually believing what she said. I blinked a couple of times and asked her what she said.
"Lauren and I had sex, on your couch." She mentioned. "She got me drunk and I asked her if you and her were together and she said you weren't and she wasn't planning on being with you." She stated to me.
Everything she said it felt like I was being shot with words that replaced the bullets in a shotgun. Word after word, it was like each on hurt more than the one before.
"You, my best friend, had sex with my girlfriend?" I chuckled, narrowing my eyes at her. "Do you not expect me to be mad at you?"
"I do, and you have every right to be mad at me. I fucked up. But I didn't know that you guys were dating. She told me you weren't. I was drunk Mani, I'm truly sorry." She told me, but I wasn't going to just let her slide. What type of friend does that? I'm mad at her just as much as I am with Lauren. The fact she's my best friend hurts even more.
"But you knew I liked her!" I yelled. "What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't."
"Of course you weren't! You were thinking with your vagina rather than your brain. Like you always do!" I laughed. "Then what's so crazy is how you like me, but you want to go sleep with someone I want to be with." I added on, getting up.
"It was a mistake!" She said following me to the door. "I don't want you to leave me." She said softly, tugging on my wrist.
"We aren't a couple get that through your head." I hissed, yanking my arm out of her grip. I slammed the door behind me and headed to my car.
It blew my mind that my best friend would do something like this to me. After our promise when we were younger, not to like the same guy or hook up with a guy one of us likes, after seeing our group split apart because one of our friends did that to the other. But she didn't care obviously. I don't care how drunk she was.
-
I felt relieved not seeing Lauren's car in the drive way. It gave me time to think and get all my anger out. Going to my bedroom, I picked out some workout clothes and put them on and headed down to my basement. I had transformed my basement into a workout room when I first got my place, and this is where I'd come if I heated.
I picked up the red boxing gloves that had been resting in the corner by the punching bag and put them on.
Listening to 'I Don't Fuck With You' I started throwing punches at the bag. Every punch represented how mad I was, and it got harder every time I thought about all the things I did for the two of them, and then just getting disrespected by them.
Knowing Lauren did that, after she said she was going to change, and actually starting to see a change in her, hurt. Why would she say that? We aren't together, and she wasn't planning on it. All those moments, watching movies together, the flirting, me telling her that I am in love with her, the cake I got her, every single moment we've had together, meant nothing to her? I was just another hook up. Someone that can satisfy her needs. I should've known. She was a player and I was a victim.
An angel with a shotgun.
___
A/N : WOW. What a chapter! This is so interesting. At first I didn't know what to do with this chapter, I've been having writers block and it has been the worst thing ever. But I finally was able to just flow with it and I got this.
I hope you guys liked it, don't forget to comment and vote. Share this with your friends too if you want. It could be a great late Christmas present. (:
Have a good night/day (:
- Raven