fifteen.
My mom never called off the dinner so it looked like I had to get dressed formal. Usually, whenever we meet up, which is almost never, she wants to be formal, and not my usual 'club' or 'award show' looks.
So, earlier today I went out dress shopping which was the most difficult thing to do in my life. I'm not the typical dress up girl, I'm more likely to wear tee shirts and pants, and occasionally skirts. The only types of dresses I wear are the ones you go out to clubs in. For awards shows, I have people pick out my outfits. So I never really went formal shopping for myself.
After about three hours of shopping, I arrived at the empty house and got ready. The way I get ready typically when I see my mother, I blare some music. Playing stuff from, rock, pop, all the way to rap. It usually gets me out of my nervousness and out of my thoughts.
The reason the house had been empty was because Normani had to go meet up with the label to discuss her album. I had told her about seeing my mom and I offered for her to come so it won't be so awkward between us. Mom usually is better if I have someone around. Well, at least she was when she first met Camila.
My phone was ringing and it had been Taylor calling. She told me that Chris was having a big football game out here on Sunday and Saturday he was going throw a party that he wants me to come to. My schedule had been cleared so I told her that I would be there. She asked if I could tell Mom about and I told her I would.
Mom most likely will not come. Especially if it's a party. She'll say she's coming, but she will not show up at all. So it won't be a surprise.
Few moments right before I was about to leave, Normani bursted into the room, out of breath.
"Why are you out of breath?" I chuckled, fixing my clothes as I looked at her.
"I know how much it means to you for me to meet your mom so I hurried her." She breathed, placing her hands on her knees.
I smiled and walked over towards her. Her eyes met mine and she stood up straight and I hugged her. "Just be prepared for the worse." I laughed, knowing how my mother could be.
"I am always prepared." She commented.
We went to the restaurant Mom suggested and I've never been to anything so fancy. Everyone was dressed up, eating a small portion of food that probably costs a hundred dollars.
"I feel like you have to speak really proper here," Normani whispered to me, looking at everyone in the restaurant.
"Don't be so preposterous!" I joked, hitting her forearm playfully.
She rolled her eyes and laughed. I noticed my mom walk in and tell the receptionist that she was with us. She headed over towards us and I sat up and smiled. Somewhat.
"Hi Lauren," she greeted me before sitting across from us.
"Hi, mom. This is Normani, Normani this is my mom." I introduced the two. Normani smiled nicely and shook her hand, being respectful.
"It's very nice to meet you. Lauren is amazing by the way." Normani told her, looking over at me and smiling.
My mom smiled and turned and looked at me confusedly. "She's your girlfriend?" She asked, sounding not too pleased by it.
"Yes." I said bluntly.
"Who are all these boys with you all over the Internet then?" She asked.
"They aren't anything to me. Zayn is just a publicity stunt. Nothing more." I responded, annoyedly. "Why'd you want to meet up?" I asked her. Normani hit my knee under the table, and I sat back in my chair.
"I just wanted to catch up with you." She stated, placing her napkin on her lap. "How've you been?"
It was quite odd she was acting friendly to me. I was expecting more of 'Lauren you aren't doing this, Lauren have you reconsidered doing this' type of shit talk.
"Good, I'm on a better track." I informed her, proudly. "What about you?" I reciprocated the question.
"Great. This building I'm building is coming along great." She smiled happily.
What was disappointing was that architecture was the most important thing to her. More important than her kids. She would always brag about her job, and her world revolved around her job. I remember as a kid I would try to talk to her, but she was either hold her finger up, shut the door, or walk away from me. It was always her job before her family. That's how we lost her.
"Anyways, how did you two meet?" She asked, shifting her eyes between me and Normani.
"Scooter wanted me to help her on her album and we just got super close." I explained, looking over at Normani, smiling.
"That's cute," Mom smiled.
Throughout the whole night, Normani and my Mom were getting along. They found out things they had in common and talked amongst each other about their similarities. It was weird, but I also liked it at the same time. I wasn't expecting her to get along with her, but they did.
"Hey Lauren," Mom started, looking over at me after talking to Normani. I looked over at her and this was probably the first time I've ever seen her so excited to tell me something. Must be about her building. "Did you see the baseball game?" She asked.
I arched my brow, finding it weird to see she was talking about something I like. "I watched part of it. I was too busy getting dressed."
"It was a pretty good game! Did you see Prado with the home run? Getting them into the playoffs?" She asked me, excitedly.
"Mom, you don't like baseball." I blurted out, knowing she didn't pay two shits to baseball.
"There was nothing on TV, I thought I'd give it a shot." She shrugged. "So did you see it or not?"
"Yeah, I saw it."
"Lauren likes baseball?" Normani questioned, looking at me confusedly. I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you'd watch it with me." I admitted.
"I watch sports!" She said, shoving me slightly. "I just don't have time for them. I'm a basketball and football girl." She smiled. I raised my brows at her, not believing her. "I watch it with Dinah. She's helping me understand football." She added on.
Mom chuckled, and sipped her wine. "Lauren is a big sports fan. Only because of her father."
"She is?!" Normani said surprisedly.
I nodded. "Yeah, I watched a lot of softball games and baseball. I played sports in elementary throughout middle school." I informed her on my past.
"What sports did you play?" She asked.
"Soccer, softball, and volleyball." I answered.
"I tried to make her into architecture, but it didn't work." Mom laughed. "She wasn't into art."
I shook my head. "I was into art, just not architecture. I wanted to either be a musician or a professional softball player." I corrected her.
"Architecture is always there." She winked.
I sighed and shook my head. "Have you talked to Taylor or Chris?" I asked her.
"They called, but I was in a meeting." She responded.
"Did you call back?"
"No, I was too busy–"
"Mom, you need to talk to them." I cut her off. "They want you in their lives but you don't seem to care to put effort into seeing them." I stated, finally getting that off my mind.
The whole night, I had thought about that. They feel as if she wants nothing to do with them and that's not good. She never puts effort into seeing them. I'm pretty sure she sees them once a year.
"Lauren,"
"No, mom. Chris is having a party, and he wants you there. You have to show up. This means a lot to him. Just show up. Okay?"
"When is the party?" She asked, looking at her phone.
"Tomorrow, and then he has a big game the next day." I mentioned.
"I'll see what I can do." She stated, looking through her phone.
"You can't see. You're your own boss mom! Just make some time from them. It wouldn't hurt to see them." I told her.
"Lauren,"
"Just come to the party." I said, with elbow resting on the table and my hand on my forehead.
There was a silence and Normani had cleared her throat. "Would you excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. Lauren can you come with me?" She asked.
I looked up at her and arched my brow and the next thing you know is that I'm being pulled up out of my seat. She held my wrist, basically dragging me to the bathroom. "Mani, what the hell." I sighed, yanking my arm away and rubbing it.
"Lauren, you can't do that." She whispered loudly.
"Do what?"
"Interrogate someone like that!"
I rolled my eyes and shifted my weight to my other leg. "You don't know my mother. She'll say she'll come to things, and she won't show up. This is all I'm asking her to do, and if she can't do it, I'm going to be pissed."
"Lauren," Normani started. "I know how you feel about your mom. You just have to put faith in her, maybe she will show up."
I furrowed my brows and tilted my head. "You can't be falling for her bullshit. This is all an act I'm telling you. All this," I said, circling my hand in the air, "this is bullshit. Just her way of her getting you to like her."
"Well maybe it's a way of her getting you to like her too." She shoot back. I hadn't respond and I just crossed my arms over my chest and clinched my jaw. "Lauren, I can tell you're worried," she said, placing her hand on my shoulder. A tear fell from my cheek and she wiped it off with the pad of her thumb. "Let all this go, and let's just have a good time. Okay?" I met her gaze and saw that the corner of lip curved up and her eyes had this glisten in them.
I smiled at her and nodded. "I'll let it go, but only for you."
"Thank you." She said softly, gently kissing my lips. I deepened the kiss, pulling her into me, and she pushed my stomach, pushing me off of her. "Not here, and not now. This place is too elegant." She laughed, intwining our hands.
We got back to the table and mom had been looking through her phone.
"Anyways," She said, placing her phone down. "How's your album coming along?" She asked, grasping her hands together and resting her chin on them.
"Great, it's almost finished and it should be released soon." I informed her, pretty excited about this upcoming album.
"I heard We Know,"
"Did you like it?" I asked curiously.
She nodded. The was the first time she's ever liked my songs. I was shocked. I never thought she would like my music.
"It's really good. Who's it about?" She asked.
"This guy I was with a while ago, he's not important now." I said, waving my hand dismissively.
"I never thought you would release something. It's been a while." She confessed.
"Of course you didn't mom." I commented, knowing she was judging me while I was going through some dark times.
"No, no, not in a bad way," she clarified, "I knew what all you had been going through so I wasn't expecting you to release anything. You seemed to me that you had been done with music."
"Oh. Well, I would never be done with music."
"I know that." She smiled.
We stayed for a little bit longer and talked about me for a change and how I'm starting to get my life back on track. It was a good talk and filled with advice. Something that I hadn't gotten from her in years. It felt good.
"See now, that wasn't too bad," Normani said once we got into the house, kicking her heels off. "Everything went smoothly."
"Now let's just see if she'll show up at the party." I said, walking into the room to change into my comfortable clothes.
"She will." She said, leaning against the door frame. "I was going to ask you if you wanted to go to this after party, but it looks like you don't!" She said changing the subject.
"But I'm in such cozy clothes and we can watch movies, have our own after party." I smirked, placing my hands on her hips.
"Stop being a fuckgirl." She chuckled, pushing me off of her. "I didn't say we have to go. I was just saying we could've went but I didn't feel like going anyways. Not unless you wanted too."
"If I can show up like this, I will."
"A tank top and sweatpants is such semi-formal wear." She said sarcastically.
"You know it!"
That night, Normani and I had fallen asleep on the couch, watching a bunch of older romance movies that probably no one knows about, or cares to look at once they scroll the choices of Netflix.
Now, as for me and Normani, I can now start to feel like I'm falling for her. The way she looks at me, so genuinely, and mesmerized. How she offers me this advice and how she's so loving towards me. It felt real. Not how it was with me and these other people when they just wanted sex and a bed to sleep in. She wanted me, to have a shoulder to cry on, to have someone to vent all their problems to, to laugh with, she wanted a relationship with me and now, I want the same with her.
Now, all I have to do is figure out a way for her not to know about what happened with Jilly.
-
Cookie had called me once I woke up, telling me today would be a perfect day to drop Gasoline, right at the moment. Zayn's single had dropped last night and he didn't really have any competition on the charts, so she said she wanted to see who could be number one. I agreed with her plan, since I knew it would make Zayn mad.
We had dropped the song, and I sent out a tweet saying to go buy the song. When the song dropped, it was already number two. It would often switch between me and Zayn, and all his fans were confused. It was a fun little game to watch, and his album dropped to third place and I knew he probably was heated.
The phone rang and Normani handed it to me and I already knew who it was.
"What are you doing?" He said frantically.
"Releasing a song? What about you?"
"Lauren, you can't do that!"
"Why do you care so much? It's not like you're dying."
"It isn't fair! I worked hard on this."
"I worked twice as hard as this. My music isn't just about fucking people either. It's actually about me, and how I feel about things. It has actual lyrics."
"You know what, fuck you. You like playing games and it's stupid. Grow up."
"Don't you sound hypocritical?"
"How am I a hypocrite?"
"You played me like a five year old, and you're still stuck in your fuckboy teenage years and you can't grow up and get a real relationship."
"Me and Perrie are real."
"Were real. Don't get yourself hyped up."
"You don't have to remind me of my previous relationship."
"I don't, you already know you're fucked up. I you weren't, you still would've been in a relationship with her and probably married. Like you wanted to be."
"Laur–"
"Bye Zayn, I have things to do and music to release!"
I hung up the phone and looked up at Normani who was chuckling. "Was he mad?"
"Whined like a little bitch." I laughed, shutting my laptop. "I hate him."
"You don't have to think about him, you have me." She said, kissing me on the cheek.
"Aren't I glad?" I said, biting down on my lower lip as she walked by.
The time for the party had arrived and me and Normani headed to banquet hall where it was located. We walked in hand and hand and when Taylor saw me, she ran up to me and hugged me, Chris had followed, and so had my dad.
"I missed you guys," I told them, releasing from the last hug. "What's been going on?"
"Everything's been great. They were just excited to see you. It's been a while." My dad said, reminding me of the time I had left Miami and not spoken to them since then.
"I know, I'm sorry." I apologized sincerely.
Dad shook his head at me. "Don't apologize, it's all over with. Let's have a good time tonight." He smiled.
I looked at Normani who had been smiling and back at my family. "Oh, I would like to tell you guys that I am officially dating Normani." I told them, pulling her into my side.
They all smiled and Chris elbowed me, raising his brows. I smacked him and he winced, rubbing his arm where I hit him at.
Dad had giving me two tickets to Chris's football game and my jaw dropped when I saw the title. "Chris! I'm so proud of you!" I cheered, pulling him into a hug.
"No matter what I have to do tomorrow, I will cancel it to show up to this." I smiled, rubbing his head and missing up his hair.
He fixed his hair, and smiled at me. The two of them had went back to their friends and I stayed with dad for a while.
"Is your mom coming?" He asked.
"She said she'd try," I notified him, recalling what she said the other day. "I wouldn't put too much hop in it."
"They really want her here. Especially Chris. She hasn't answered his calls, so he gave up on it. If she shows up, it'll make his day." He expressed to me.
"We met up for dinner, it was weird." I told him. "She was really being nice about things, I was surprised. I thought she was going to nag me like usually."
"What did you talk about?"
"Nothing really, just caught up with each other, well she mostly caught up with me. I took Normani." I stated.
"She like her?"
I nodded my head, looking over at the girl who had been singing the lyrics to a song, too into the song to care about anything else around her.
"That's good. I'm glad you settled down with someone." I smiled. "I was hoping it would be her." He whispered.
I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Thanks dad."
The whole party, I hung out with Normani and my family. None of my high school friends had been here, which was good, but I did see Keana. Only because she was Chris's best friend's sister.
The girl has came up to us and smiled. "Hey Lauren," she greeted me. "Hey Normani," she waved, smiling at her, seeming nervous. "I just wanted to apologize for all the things I've done. I don't want to come in between you two, but I'm hoping we can have a friendship again Lauren. I'm in a relationship with someone so you don't have to worry." She laughed a bit.
"Of course," I said happily. "Things have changed and we're both moving on to greater things. That shouldn't stop us from being the friends we used to be." I smiled.
"Great." She reciprocated. "I'll let you two get back to flirting," she laughed, waving as she left.
I looked back at Normani and smiled. "It's glad to have things to put behind you and move forward with life." I told her.
"I know it is," she commented. "You really did change Lauren." She smiled, looking at me. "You look healthier."
"I feel like I've changed too." I said, placing my arms on her shoulders as a slower song began to play. I met her gaze and smiled. "Thank you." I said softly. "If it hadn't been for you, I probably would be in the same place I was months ago, or even dead."
"Don't say that," she said, shaking her head.
"I probably would've honestly. I drank and smoked my problems anyway. It was my way of escaping. But with you, there's more ways. Better ways. You helped me." I told her truthfully. "So I owe it all to you."
She smiled at me and brought me into a hug, squeezing me tightly. "I love you." She said softly.
"I love you too." The words came out of my mouth so smoothly, without any hesitation. The first we actually said this to each other. At first, I thought it would be difficult expressing any form of love to her, but it was so simple.
I noticed my mom had arrived and I watched her for a good ten minutes as she stayed off in to the distance. All she did was look around, but mainly look at her phone. I tapped Normani, and she looked over at her too.
"She's probably texting you." She assumed.
I shook my head. "That's her work phone." I sighed. I picked up the other ticket dad had given me later on, since it was taking her too long to arrive at the party. She had walked out the door and I followed her immediately.
She got in her car, and so did I. I wasn't planning on stopping either. I followed her down the street and she went exactly where I knew she was going. To her job.
I followed her to the office, pushing every door she went through open. She finally got to her office where a meeting had been taken place. "Mom," I blurted out.
She turned around, shocked to see me. "Lauren, I'm–"
"Just one night, one fucking night." I gritted my teeth, feeling all this anger build up inside of me.
"If you want to reschedule the meeting–"
"It's fine." She cut off one of her workers. "Lauren, please leave."
"It was one fucking night mom! How can you fucking show up for ten damn minutes, and leave?" I said, pressing my fingers against my forehead. "What goes through your head? This job? This job before your kids?"
"We can leave, it's not a problem."
"You're not leaving dammit!" She yelled at one of them. "Lauren, I have things to do, and bills to pay."
"You have fucking kids mom! You have kids to see, to be a mother to! You carried us around for nine months, and now you just want to drop us all? I don't care about me and you, I'm perfectly fine without you. It's the other two, they constantly say every fucking time I see them for a family event, 'is mom coming' because they know I talk to you. How the hell am I supposed to tell them she is?" I stated. "But no, you're too busy fucking that one hell of a boyfriend you got!" I said, pointing to the man sitting not to far from her.
"Don't bring him into this!" She fired, walking towards me.
"Oh, but you care if people talk shit about him, but you don't care enough to contact your own daughter when she's getting harassed at school." I shoot back.
"Only because of you, you fucked up, you embarrassed her. All because you wanted to do you. You don't even seem them!" She chuckled.
"I see them all the time! More than you do. Enough for them to know I love them. They think you hate them!" I confessed what Taylor had told me when she last called.
I shook my head after hadn't said anything else. I pulled out the ticket and threw it down in front of her. "Don't be a dead beat mother and show up to the playoff game. You're son is starting. This is his biggest game of the year and the final game of the season. If you don't, I will no longer talk to you or even consider you my mother." I said, walking out the office and slamming the door afterwards.
I got home and cried. It was hurt so bad how much this kids wanted to see their mom, but getting constantly rejected by her. She hasn't been to any of their school events. Not even as a kids. Then, they were too young to know, and that was when I had to lie to them say she was on a business trip. Now they're grown up, they know. And they're hurting. They're hurting so bad, it's sad.
I just don't know what makes her think, this is okay.
As I cried, I felt Normani's hands on my face. She was telling me to shush and to calm down. "Hey, look at me," She said calmly, her forehead against mine, waiting for my gaze. "It's okay, it's okay." She said once we made eye contact. "I got you."
"It's not fair," I sobbed, dropping my head. "It's not fair at all, they don't deserve this. They shouldn't have to feel what I felt when I was their age. They shouldn't."
"Don't think about it," she said softly, pulling my face back up. "Don't think about it," she repeated softer than the first time. Her lips touched mine, running her fingers through my hair, kissing my roughly.
I lifted up her thigh, pushing her against the wall. Placing my hands on her hips, I kissed her her neck, and went back to her lips, taking off the flannel she had been wearing.
She unzipped my jacket and walked me over to the couch, throwing the jacket off in the process. "Think about me, okay?" She said breathlessly, attacking my lips afterwards.
I sat up, wanting to take control, but she pushed my back down. Her body rested between my legs, as she the kisses got deeper. Finally, I sat up, and threw my shirt off. Her arm went around my back, and her fingertips resting gently on my ribs, as for her other hand, holding up my thigh.
"Did you forget yet?" She asked breathlessly as she sent kisses down my torso.
"Not quiet." I said, only asking for more.
This time, she was in control. I had done nothing at all. She did all the kissing and touching. By the end of the night, my legs have never trembled so badly before. I forgot what even happened.
The next moment, we were knocked out in the bed. I don't even know how we got here.