fourteen.
I immediately rushed to the bathroom and threw up. Last night was a crazy night and I don't even remember what happened and I have no clue where I am.
But I do know how I'm feeling. Mentally. Physically, I feel like shit, my head is pounding, I'm tired and hungover. Mentally, I'm angry. I feel like almost everything I do, I'm not good enough for people. All because of Normani. We're not even a couple, just a "hook-up."
When I left the bathroom, I furrowed my brows, noticing the fellow blonde headed girl sleeping on the couch. I ran my fingers through my hair and got closer to the girl, noticing purple and blue marks on her neck.
"No," I mumbled to myself shaking my head. "No, no, no." I repeated, searching for my phone. I picked it up off the floor and noticed missed calls from Normani.
"Dammit," I hissed scrolling through the missed calls and text messages.
She had left me a couple voicemails and I decided to listen to them.
"Hey Lauren, usually you pick my calls up right away. But I'm worried about you, you haven't came back. It's currently four in the morning. I hope you're alright. Please call me so I know you're okay. I really want to talk to you too. Alright, see you later."
I sighed and sat down on the couch feeling terrible. She sounded so worried about me, and I feel bad for being mad about what Jilly said.
I shook my head getting my out of my thoughts and put my shoes on. Jilly sat up and looked at me. "Where are you going?"
"Home." I said bluntly.
I grabbed my keys and headed to my car. Just when I thought I couldn't be anymore frustrated, my mother calls.
"Hey mom."
"Hey Lauren, you won't believe what I just heard on the radio."
"If it's something negative about me, I really don't want to hear it."
"It was your song."
"Oh."
"But I was calling to just see if you wanted to have dinner on Friday."
"Um, yeah, if I don't have anything scheduled."
"I cleared my schedule for you, the most you can do is clear yours for me."
"I've been doing nothing for two years straight, and now you finally want me to clear my schedule for you, when I've been available for the longest time?"
"Do you want to meet for dinner or not Lauren Michelle?"
"Fine. Listen, I gotta go."
"Alright, bye."
"Bye."
This had been the first time my mother called me in a while to meet for dinner. The last time she had called, she ended up canceling for a business meeting she had and I had been looking for to seeing her. So, honestly, I'm just wanting for her to call me the day of and say she can't make it.
I got to house and as soon as I stepped in, Normani jumped up. She came over towards me and hugged me. "Shit Lauren, you can't even call to me you're okay?" She said once she pulled away.
I met her gaze and immediately dropped my out of frustration. "My phone didn't have service." I lied.
She place her hands on my face and turned my head so I was looking at her. "You scared me." She said softly. "I'm glad you're okay." She smiled. She tried to kiss me, but I rejected it and pushed her off of me and headed towards the bedroom.
"What's the matter?" She questioned, following me into the room.
I looked up at her, thinking about if I should tell her what Jilly said. "What did you want to talk about?" I said, changing my mind on what I really wanted to say.
"Sorry."
I furrowed my brows confusedly and tilted my head. "What do you mean sorry? For what?"
"For being that way with Diggy and rejecting you." She confessed, sitting down next to me on the edge of the bed. She shifted and turned to look at me face to face. "I feel terrible about what I did." She said truthfully.
"Are you afraid to tell people about us?" I asked genuinely.
"No," She sighed. I noticed she hesitated and thought about her words. "I'm just not ready. Everyone knows me as this girl who flirts with guys and dates men, but then there's you," She paused looking at me with a small smile. "I've never felt this way before about someone. Not even with the guys."
"I appreciate that Mani, I really do, but you're running from the question." I frowned.
"Fine," she started. "I am somewhat afraid. I'm not brave like you. I can't just come out to the world and say that I'm in love with you–"
I furrowed my brows at what she said thinking maybe I was hearing things. "Wait, what?"
"I can't come out to the world and say I'm in love with you." She said a bit louder, but not knowing I knew what she said.
"You're in love with me?" I asked softly.
"Honestly, yes. From the day I met you, I fell in love with you. And ever since then, everyday I got to know you better, it's like I fell deeper in love with you. The way the media portrays you verses what I see with my eyes is a big difference. Everyone thinks you're this badass person and they don't see your heart like I do. I know you and that's what I love about you. Who you are."
I could feel tears burning my eyes, but I did my best to fight them back. I wasn't crying because of what she said. Well, I was but, I'm mainly crying because of what she said and what I did last night. Have sex with her best friend. Not because I wanted too, but because I was angry. Angry at her, for saying we were just a hook up, but now hearing this, I'm mad at myself.
"Are you okay?" She asked me, placing her hand on my knee.
I looked up at her and smiled a bit. "I'm fine."
She reciprocated and continued on. "But, if I want to be with you, I have to tell people. They have to know that I'm in love with you." She stated. "I got something for you yesterday while you were out."
I watched as she walked out the bedroom and to the kitchen. I heard her fiddling around with something, and later she came up with a slice of cake.
"You got me cake?" I chuckled, looking up at her.
"Just eat it." She said, biting down on her bottom lip.
I took the plate and bit into the piece. I felt a weird texture and it felt like wet tissue. I pulled it out and it had been paper folded up. When I unfollowed it, there had been cursive words that said "will you be my girlfriend?" After reading it, I looked eyes with her and smiled.
"So, is that a yes?" She asked, biting the corner of her lip.
I nodded my head and smiled at her. Her lips touched mine, as she kissed me passionately. She deepened the kiss, and laid me down on the bed.
This was actually the first time in a while I felt a kiss like this before. It was similar to the ones I had with Camila. Of course it wasn't from her, but I had the same exact feeling. The feeling of happiness and comfort. It was like a spark moment.
But another part of me also felt terrible. I just had sex with her best friend last night and now I with her telling her that she is my girlfriend and now kissing all over her. It wasn't right.
Was she just afraid to tell me?
Our lips moved in sync with one another and she ran her hand up my stomach. "You know, I was going to get a pizza," she said in between the kiss before kissing my lips again.
"You were going to get a pizza," I repeated, bring her lips back to mine.
"It was going to say that when you opened it, but someone didn't come home," she said, sucking on my bottom lip. "So, I decided to get you a cake."
"I'm very appreciative of that." I smiled against her lips.
She pulled away and sat up. "This was so pleasant to get off my chest. I should've told you earlier. I was just so worried if you didn't feel the same way."
I ran my fingers down her arm. "You shouldn't have worried about that, because look at us now." I smirked. "I mean c'mon, the first time I kissed you." I said referring to the time I went over her place after being with Zayn.
"What about that?"
"It didn't make you think you had a chance?" I responded softly, grabbing her hands and intwining them with mine.
"You said there's a fifty percent chance, and I was confused. You were with all these guys, I was afraid you didn't look at me as someone you wanted to be with." She stated.
"Looks like you are." I commented.
"Today I have a radio interview to give out the release date for my album, there I'll tell everyone that we're together." She smiled for a quick second until she saw that I didn't smile. "What?"
"You can't do that," I sat up. "Me and Zayn are still 'together.'" I said with air quotes. She sucked on her teeth and sighed. "It's just for a quick second, you don't have to worry about that. It isn't real." I smirked, kissing her.
She pulled away and got off of me. "The glam team is coming in a few." She told me.
"But I want to sleep," I whined, throwing the pillow over my head.
"Looks like you'll have to sleep later." She said, throwing the pillow off of me.
I pouted and watched as she walked out of the room. I chuckled to myself and shook my head.
-
Normani had convinced me to go with her to the interview since she wanted to spend the day with me and she didn't want me to get any sleep. As tired as I was, I didn't regret one ounce of coming with her.
I watched from the other room through the glass window as Normani did her interview. She mentioned many things about the album and often embarrassed me when asked about me.
Lauren is such a dork.
You guys are often very touchy with one another.
We're just friends. Nothing more. She's in a relationship.
Now, are you in a relationship?
Currently single.
The interview looked at me and pointed at me. You hear that, she's single. We know you are in both lanes.
I shook my head and looked at Normani.
Normani, are you blushing?
No, she's just very embarrassing. Let's pay her no attention.
I'm pretty sure you're blushing.
She makes me so nervous for things when she looks at me like that. I hate it.
Lauren stop looking at her!
I raised my hands up and turned around for a second.
She carried on with her interview and I've never seen her so happy. She was all laughs and smiles. You could tell that she was happy to be in this relationship with me and I knew if I told her what I did it would crush her.
We went to the studio to record the rest of my album and ate take out after her interview. Writing with Normani had been the best thing in the world. She was a lyrical genius and it was never a stressful moment with her help.
"So, what's the song about?" Normani asked after looking over the lyrics to When It Rains.
"It's basically my subconscious talking to me," I told her. "Trying to help someone who has a problem, but they aren't trying to help themselves basically." I mentioned as I looked over the lyrics.
"So you knew you had a problem and you didn't want help?" Normani asked and I nodded. "It feels good to write it out doesn't it?"
"Very."
We recorded a total of twenty songs tonight (I did ten as well did Normani) and I probably came up with my second single. It was different from We Know, but it fit well with the concept of my album.
"Hey," Normani said. I turned around and noticed she was looking through my older journal. "Why don't record any of these songs?" She asked.
I sighed and thought it was about time that I tell someone about that journal. "I wrote them with Camila. I never wanted to release them because they remind me of our relationship." I admitted.
"So they're really close to your heart?" She questioned and I nodded. "Sometimes we just have to keep things personal." She shrugged.
I nodded in agreement. "I wish people would understand that and not force it on me to release it."
"People don't understand the story behind things, you got to ignore them."
I smiled a bit and watched her as she searched through the candy bowl for a sucker. I wasn't watching to watch, it just happened to stare at her. She was a captivating person who said this wonderful things.
"What?" She said turning and looking towards me.
I got out of my trans and went back to looking over some lyrics that I had written. "Just looking don't worry." I said waving my hand dismissively.
Before heading out to go home, I downloaded the song on my flash drive so I could send it to Cookie later.
Normani had gone go sleep as soon as we went home and I had stayed up listening back to the song I selected as a single to make sure I really wanted it to be a single.
Probably after an hour listening to the song, I called Cookie to see if she'll listen to it. She wanted me to stop by the studio she was at and I told her I would be there in a few.
"Hey Lauren!" She greeted me once I stepped into the studio. I hugged her and I noticed the blonde boy come from out of the booth once I released from the hug. I gave him an awkward smile as well as a wave and he reciprocated. "You have that song?" She asked.
I nodded and placed the flash drive in her hand. "If we do decide to make it a single I want to release it in a couple of weeks."
She placed the flash drive in her computer and listened to the song with headphones on. She nodded to the rhythm of the song and twinkled her fingers. "What's the song called?"
"Gasoline."
"It's really good." She said once it was over. "I think it could be a next single."
I smiled and nodded. "I agree. I want to release something that people get a better perspective on me. Not just love songs like before."
"Well of course not, because you're not just in love currently, you're going through a lot." She stated. "People will change their views on you after this album." She smiled, placing her hand on my shoulder.
Justin called Cookie over towards him and asked for some help on his song.
"It's missing something," she mentioned. "I don't know what it is though. Lauren come over here." She said motioning me over towards the two.
I read what he had so far and gave my opinion. "You need a bit more feeling in the song. Then you'll be all set." I mentioned to him.
I looked over at Cookie and she had a smirk on her face. "Can I talk to you outside the studio for a second?" She asked, dragging me outside with her.
"What's up?"
"Do the song with Justin." She said immediately.
"No." I responded not giving myself any time to think about it.
"Lauren c'mon, do the song." She begged. "It'll sell and it'll be a big hit. It'll help with your album sells and his. It'll benefit the both of you." She smiled.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Fine. But I'm not hooking up with him. I'm in a relationship."
"I didn't say you had to have sex with him, I said do the song." She commented.
"I'll do the song," I told her as she cheered. "But, you have to meet this artist." I concluded.
"Who is this artist?" She questioned, shifting her weight onto her other foot and arching her brow with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Dinah Jane, no one out here has heard of her because she's only really known in Hawaii." I informed her. "She has such an amazing voice and I was thinking about helping her get known. She deserves all the recognition."
"Fine." She replied. "Do the song and I'll meet with her."
I smiled and hugged her. Ever since Dinah was on We Know, many people have been asking who she was. So why not get her to meet Cookie and help her out some more.
Dinah would do so amazing if she was known in the states. She wouldn't be just a local star, but worldwide. Her voice is amazing, and it needs to be heard.
Cookie left me in the studio with Justin while we worked on the song. I was shocked by how much I related to what he wrote. So far, he had put together things like: you are to me, a part of me just like anatomy. I'm notorious for thinking you're full of beautiful instead of hollow, sugar on your lips, it's hard to kill jagged like a pill, so hard to swallow.
I kind of figured out what it was about and I related to it. Especially since what was going on with me and Normani. So I went into writing mode, and just jotted down what I was feeling.
"You finished?" Justin asked once he finished his writing.
"Yup." I replied, popping the 'P' and handing him the paper. "I was thinking we could sing that part together, and then you do that verse I wrote down." I suggested to him.
He nodded his head and smiled at me. "This is amazing Lauren." He complimented.
I accepted the compliment and we went into separate booths to record the song. The lights had been turned off so we could get a better effect of the song so listeners can actually feel the emotion.
Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth
Sometimes the heart is deceiving
Can't get out of my head, and I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I'm crazy
Am I in love with you, am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
I'm sinking faster and faster
Between heaven and disaster
Sorry if I made you feel like
I'm standing on the borderline
We finished what he wanted to have record and it turned out better than I expected it too. We got out of the booths and both high fived and congratulating each other.
"I like the verse you wrote for me, it's relatable." He mentioned.
"Kind of what I'm going through currently." I shrugged.
"With Zayn?" He asked.
"Someone else." I said waving my hand dismissively.
We stayed for a couple of hours to put the finishing touches on the song and afterwards I went home to Normani. When I got home she had already been awake and watching tv. She wanted me to sit with her, and I told I would after I changed and showered.
I sat with her and we did our usual and watch movies and eat ice cream. As much as dairy was bad for singers, we didn't care. It was basically like our tradition.
"Hey Lauren," She spoke after we were engaged in the movie. I turned and looked at her, "you know earlier today when we went out for lunch?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Well, I caught a lot of people staring at you, and I honestly liked it." She stated, resting her head on my shoulder. "I know it's weird and all, but I liked it because it's like 'yeah I know she's good looking and I have her all to myself.' It lets me know I have the most breathtaking parent in the world. And I'm actually looking forward to being with you." She said, her brown orbs meeting my eyes as she smiled.
"Thanks Mani," I smiled, kissing her forehead.
The fact that she's so invested in this relationship and looking forward to the future hurts me after what I did, and knowing how she feels. But I don't know that for sure. What if what Jilly said was true and Normani is just saying this stuff because she knows how I am?
I'm used to getting hurt so I feel like I'm expecting it from her and I'm just waiting. I just wished it wasn't this difficult. Someone telling me one thing and her telling me something different.
All I know is that, I know I can't tell her how I feel.
"It's so hard for me to tell her how I feel!" I told my best friend Alexa, throwing my pillow over my head. "She's like a model and I'm just a teenage dirtbag." I whined.
"Okay, first of all, you're not. Second of all, this girl seems like she likes you. It's so obvious." She chuckled, pulling the pillow off of my face.
"I think she does too," Liam responded. "That's the same way Avery acted with me." He stated.
"You guys don't understand," I told them sitting up. "Camila gets all these guys attracted to her and I think her and Austin are sleeping together." I admitted.
"They aren't fucking," Alexa laughed. "He has a girlfriend. Him and Camila were a thing, but she didn't feel right in the relationship. That's when she figured out she had a thing for girls."
"So, maybe you have a chance." Liam shrugged.
"Plus, she's just nice." I mentioned. "So maybe she's overly friendly sometimes and it's mistaken as flirting."
"Lauren, you look hot today," she said mocking Camila by biting her lip and running her fingers through her hair. "Definitely over friendly." She winked.
I sighed and frowned a bit. The only reason why I wasn't feeling too good about this was because I was afraid of being rejected by my best friend. We've been friends for almost a year, but I developed feelings for her when I realized who she was. I feel in love. And I love hard. Plus, I'll have to come out to her, and tell her that I have feelings for her.
In the end, I just don't want to lose her.
"I'm scared I'll lose her." I shrugged.
"It doesn't hurt to try. No matter what she'll still be your friend." Alexa told me. "And I'm right here so if anything happens, she'll deal with me." She winked.
The two friends left my hotel room and went to theirs. Maybe I should tell her how I feel. I don't want to at all. I'm afraid of telling people how I feel and I just don't want to end up like my parents. But it doesn't hurt to try. Right?
WELL THIS IS GETTING INTERESTING! The next few chapters will be very very different. So, stick around! I don't know when I will update, I have exams soon, so it really depends. Thanks for sticking around with me and reading this story, I'm honestly making it up as I go, so it means a lot to me :).
If you want to know the songs so far, they are We Know (both live and acoustic version) Gasoline by Halsey, When It Rains by Paramore and The Feeling by Justin Bieber.
Lauren's songs will be from mainly rock/indie artist. Some pop as well.
I hope you guys know how I use the italics lol. It's a bit confusing, but I use them when there's phone calls, voicemails, text messages, song lyrics, and Lauren's flashbacks which tend to be in the beginning or at the very end of each chapter.
I want to start doing discussions/questions at the end of stories so do you guys think Normani is being honest or Jilly is telling the truth about Normani?
Thank you for reading and don't forget to comment and vote and share! Expect another Laurmani fic soon!
I love you guys and have I wonderful day/night :)
-Raven