two.
"Lo?" She asked me, playing with my fingers mindlessly as she laid on my lap. I looked down at her, and couldn't help but smile. "Promise you'll be with me, no matter what?" She asked, sticking her pinky out.
"I promise you." I smiled, wrapping my finger around the smaller finger.
"Are you serious?" She asked, noticing how I chuckled, not taking me seriously.
"Of course I am."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
-
I don't remember anything that happened after the studio session with Normani. As soon as I woke up, my head was pounding, and my hand was throbbing. Once I sat up, only causing me to have more pain, I looked down and noticed my hand was bandaged up.
Confused, I examined my hand, and unraveled the cloth, only to see blood on my knuckles. "What the hell?" I mumbled, looking at my hand.
I looked up, and noticed my friend walking in with water and alcohol. "Dammit Lauren," she cursed, placing the water down on my nightstand. "Scooter isn't going to be too happy about this." She started unraveling the bandage, and poured a bit of the alcohol on a cotton swab.
Before she placed the cotton swab on my hand, I yanked my hand away. "Hell no." I cursed, wincing in pain afterwards.
"I don't want your dumbass to get infected, now give me your hand." She ordered.
She grabbed my hand, and dabbed my wound with the swab. I winced in pain, moving my hand around a lot, but she had a tight grip, allowing me not to move away. "What happened last night?" I asked, looking at her outfit and noticing she was only in a bra and shorts. "I'm assuming we had sex?" I said raising my brows, but immediately wincing as soon as she applied pressure to my wonder.
"You got into a bar fight," She mentioned, wrapping my hand up with a new bandage. "I brought you home."
"I noticed."
"Scooter is going to be pissed at you Lauren." The brunette told me, handing me the water and Advil.
"I don't care." I replied, rolling my eyes.
She sat down on the edge of my bed and sighed. I watched as she searched for words, and preparing myself for the worst. "What are we?" She asked, turning towards me.
"Friends?" I laughed, not knowing why she asked me that.
"I know Laur, but friends don't do what we do." She mentioned.
"Keana, you're one of my friends that can satisfy my needs."
"You're such an ass Lauren." She said annoyedly getting up off my bed. "Have you ever thought that someone could possible catch feelings for you?"
"You like me?"
"Well no shit!" She cursed. "A lot." She added on softly.
I sighed, and sat up. "Listen, Keana, you're an amazing girl and all, but you know what I went through." I told her.
"It's been two years Lauren."
"It's difficult, and I don't think I'm ready, I'm sorry." I admitted to her, feeling terrible for the brunette.
"But you tell me these things," She said, running her hands through her hair. "That I'm someone who makes you happy, that you want me, all these things, and I'm just so confused."
I didn't say anything, and I just stared at the brunette. "You know what, I think I'd rather be friends too. Possibly from a distance." She spoke, picking up her shirt off the floor and putting it on. She stormed to the front door and I chased after her.
"Keana, wait!" I called, but she was already gone.
I flung my arms around, and went back inside. I plopped down on the couch, and placed a pillow over my face. It wasn't that I didn't like Keana, I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship. She's an amazing person, and I loved her presence, and she make an excellent girlfriend, but she's not someone I see myself with for the rest of my life. We fought too much, and it wasn't something I was looking forward to in the future.
Seconds later, my door opens, and I see Scooter standing in front of it. I sat up, and he threw a magazine in my lap. "You're on the cover of a magazine, again." He said sarcastically.
"Listen, before you start-"
"No Lauren!" He said, shaking his head. "You can't do this, you need to change up your imagine. Not only will this make you look bad, it'll make me look bad, and also Normani."
I furrowed my brows at him and tilted my head, "How is it going to make her look bad?" I asked.
"People are going to be commenting, saying why is she working with you? You acting up, will cause her to get no sells."
"So you only care about her image and how she'll succeed?"
"What? No." He paused. "I care about you and I want you to be healthy and safe, as well as Normani." He stated. "Lauren, you have to get your shit together, if you want to do this."
"It's hard." I said softly.
"Do you want this?"
"I do."
"Then you have to change who you are. You're not the same person you used to be. We used to get along so well, but now all we do is argue. But I never left you, only because I believe in you. But if you don't change now, no one will take you seriously." He asserted, his voice calm, but serious.
I didn't reply, since I knew I had been being an ass recently. Everyone noticed it, and that's why I've been staying out of the spotlight for a while, but everything I do, I'm being watched.
Sometimes I just wish I could be normal, but still make music without all the fame.
My phone buzzed, and I noticed on the screen my dads name popped up. "Shit," I cursed, and Scooter looked at me confusedly. "Shit, shit, shit." I rushed to my room, and went in my closet throwing all my clothes around, trying to find something clean.
"What is it?" He asked, standing in my doorway, dodging clothes that had been accidentally thrown his way.
"My family wants to meet up for lunch, and I completely forgot about that." I told him, picking up a dress, but only to find it had a big stain in the middle of it.
"Is your mom going to be there?" He asked.
"Ha, doubt it." I huffed, looking at a blouse. "He said she's coming, but I highly doubt she'd want to come see us. Especially me." I explained, finding a different outfit.
"Your thoughts haven't changed on your mother yet?"
"Not until her thoughts change on me." I sang, pushing him out the room so I could get ready.
~
"You little piece of shit!" She cursed, slamming the door shut in my face.
I arrived at the restaurant, and saw my family sitting down. I greeted them all with hugs, and noticed one spot wasn't filled. I looked over at dad, and raised my brows.
"She'll be here." He mouthed to me and nodded afterwards.
I gave him a questioning look, and took a seat in between my sister Taylor and my brother Chris. "How've you guys been?" I asked them, interested to hear about them since I haven't seen them in a year now.
"Tell her what you did Chris," Dad said, seeming excited about Chris's accomplishment.
"I got accepted into the University of Miami and I'm currently on the football team. I'm a starter." He informed me, seeming truly excited and proud of him self.
I gasped, and brought him into a hug. "I'm so proud of you!" I exclaimed hugging him tightly and messing up his hair. He released from the hug, fixing his hair, and I rolled my eyes at him.
I turned and looked over at Taylor to see what she was going to say. "I am the President of the Student Government and I'm also captain of the debate team." She explained.
"That's amazing Tay!" I commented, bringing her in for a hug as well. "I knew you'd make it."
"We actually have our first debate at the end of this week at the University of California, and I think you should come to it, if you can."
"Of course I'll come to it! I wouldn't miss it for the world." I smiled at her.
"My first football game is the next night as well." Chris mentioned. "You can also bring Keana." He added, faking coughing.
I didn't want to tell him me and Keana had a fall out this morning, so I just said she went back home, causing him to sigh. "I'll come to it though." I added on, and he waved his hand dismissively as a joke.
"What about you dad?" I asked him, looking across the table at him.
"I've been hanging in there," not giving away too much since he didn't want to take about anything in front of Taylor and Chris. "What about you?"
Everyone looked at me, knowing what happened to me a few years ago. "I'm good." I lied, knowing that that's what they were hoping for me to say. Plus, I didn't want to have all the attention on me this time.
I looked at the time on my phone, and then back at dad, knowing mom probably bailed out on us once again. Surprisingly, seconds later she actually showed up.
"Hey kids," she greeted them, taking a seat across from us. "Hi Lauren." She added, looking at me.
I nodded at her and then looked at my menu, biting my tongue, preventing myself from saying something smart to her.
"How's everything been?" She asked, closing up her menu.
"We were just discussing how Chris got into University of Miami and is a starter on the football team and how Tay is captain of the debate team and President of the Student Government." Dad informed her with a smile on his face.
"That's amazing kids!" She said looking at them. She then looked at me and arched her brow. "And you Lauren?"
I dropped my gaze, knowing I haven't accomplished anything in the last two years, but I remembered Normani. "I'm working on an album with a rapper name Normani Kordei." I mentioned, and heard Chris choke on his water.
"The Normani Kordei? As in the girl that sings come here rude boy, boy? Her?" He asked. I nodded my head laughing. "I need to meet this women. She's smoking." He stated.
I shook my head, chuckling at him, then looked back at mom. "Are you on the album or just helping out?" She asked me.
"Helping out." I answered, knowing something irrelevant was going to come out next.
"So you're not working on an album to release yourself then?" She asked. I shook my head and watched her reaction carefully. "Interesting."
Dad cleared his throat, sensing the tension between us. "So, Clara, you should come the kids events at the end of the week since you're going to be in Los Angeles for a while."
I narrowed my eyes at her watching as she pulled out her phone.
"Yeah, it would be great if we all came as a family and supported each other." Taylor mentioned, watching mom type away on her phone.
We sat in silence, waiting for her to reply.
"Mom," I called her name sternly, causing her to look up. "They want you to come to their events." I mentioned to her since she wasn't listening.
"Oh, I will have to see what my schedule looks like." She said, going right back to whatever she was doing on her phone.
"Mom, they're your kids you should have time for them." I said frustratedly.
"Lauren, they're your siblings, you should have time for them." She shot back.
I paused, and looked at her, and dad cleared his throat. "Clara..."
"At least get off your phone and look like you care." I mumbled under my breath, looking at my menu.
The table was silent until the waiter came and took our order. Taylor showed me some pictures of a college tour she took, and explained to me how she wanted to try to get into Harvard or either Stanford.
Looking at her pictures, I never realized how much I missed out during the past two years. I completely shut my family out after the incident. I pushed them away, all of my loved ones actually. Now, looking back, they were only trying to be there for me, and I feel like I have to make it to them, and I try my best to.
"I don't understand why you wear suck flashy clothing?" Mom spoke, furrowing her brows and she scrolled through her phone.
I furrowed my brows and her and shook my head. I bit my tongue, holding myself back from saying what I really wanted to say. "Let's not go there now. We're having lunch."
"I understand that, but you're drawing attention."
"It's a crop top."
"That exposes you chest."
"Chill out, I like it."
"You shouldn't wear this type of stuff around you siblings." She added on, wanting to start an argument.
"Mom, are you serious right now? What am I doing?" I asked her.
"You're embarrassing them, who wants to have their sister get all the attention from people as they walk by." She said in disgust.
"Embarrassing is the last thing I'm doing, I should be encouragement them that it doesn't matter what I wear, as long as I'm comfortable in it, and I am." I shot back.
"Well next time find something not to relieving to be comfortable in." She told me, raising her brows.
I excused myself from the table and went to my car. Seconds later I got followed out by Taylor. She opened the passenger door and sat down in the car.
"I think you look nice." She complimented me.
I turned and looked at her and smiled, appreciative of what she told me. "Thanks Tay. Mom is just unbelievable. I had to leave, I'm sorry." I apologized for my actions not wanting any of this to turn out this way.
"Don't be, she started it." Taylor told me. I smiled at her, and turned back and looked out the window, and pulling my cigarette out my mouth. "You know, you said you'd stop that right."
"It's a metaphor." I smirked, and she shook her head and laughed. I turned my head out the window and blew the smoke out so she wouldn't have to smell it. "Wanna go grab a burger?" I asked her.
She nodded her head. "The place you took me last time?"
"Johnny Rockets?" I asked, starting the engine. She nodded and smiled. "Hell yeah," I said, with the cigarettes between my lips.
-
"Do you think mom will show up at my debate?" Taylor asked me out of the blue as she played with her straw in her milkshake.
"I hope she does." I replied honestly.
"She's always busy with her new boyfriend and her job, and all I want is for her to show up to my debate. I mean she missed every single volleyball game I had last year." She frowned.
I didn't reply. I knew how mom was, and how she always put things or people before her own family. It's fucked up how she is, but there's no way you could convince her.
"She was barely around as I was growing up and as soon as you were born, she disappeared." I said, remembering everything that happened.
That was the time when I was becoming an artist. Well realized I wanted to become an artist. She's always argue with me, and tell me that I'd never make it. Of course I was too young, and I was extremely sensitive to that.
One day, her and dad got into it late at night, and that night she disappeared leaving me to help dad raise Chris and Taylor. By the time I was sixteen, she popped back up, and that's when we got into a huge argument, were I got kicked out, for a couple of months and I lived with my friend at the time.
Ever since she kicked me out, I wasn't on the best of terms with my mother.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there that much either." I told her. "I look back everyday and wish that I could've been there at your birthdays."
"I understand, you were going through something difficult, don't beat yourself up about it." She smiled, sipping her milkshake.
During lunch, me and Taylor discussed so many accomplishments of hers and I was told she had a crush at school. I gave her some advice, and she told me that I was terrible at advice sometimes. Most importantly, we laughed a lot.
As we were leaving, a familiar voice called me and I turned around to see it was Normani. I bit down on my bottom lip, since I didn't really interact with people I worked with outside of work, but I turned around because I didn't want to be rude.
"What brings you here?" She asked me.
"Eating lunch with my little sister." I answered, pulling Taylor into my side.
She waved at Taylor and shook her hand. "You guys look a like." She mentioned, looking at the both of us.
"Really?" We both said, exchanging looks.
"Yeah," she chuckled. "I'm kinda of in a rush though, I have an interview in twenty minutes I just had to use the bathroom." She laughed. "I'll see you at the studio!"
"See ya!" I said, waking as she rushed in her heels to the restroom.
"I can't believe that happened," Taylor exhaled. I looked at her confusedly and wondered what she was talking about. "Normani touched me."
I rolled my eyes and pushed her off of me. "Get in the car, nugget." I told her, opening the drivers door.
-
"Can you play that first verse back for me?" Normani asked the producer. He did as instructed, and she harmonized with herself, which was pretty impressive.
"No one can do you the way that I do!" She sang, holding the note longer than she did the first time.
"Perfect!" The producer said, clapping his hands. "You can take five." He told her.
She came out of the both, and came and sat down next to me. "Interesting song." I told her, chuckling.
"Not generally something I would write, but they turned down one of my written songs for this one." She frowned, sipping on some tea.
"What the hell?" I said, shocked that people would actually do that. "What do you mean?"
"Long story, I'll tell you later." She said, waving her hand dismissively. "I'm sorry you didn't really get to do anything today." She stated, looking at me.
"It's okay, I wouldn't know how to write a song like this anyways." I laughed.
"Hopefully I get to put a few on my own songs on this album, to really express how I feel." She whispered.
"You will, Scooter has it handled." I told her, smiling at her.
"At least this song will get people pumped at my shows." She said, raising her brows. "So I guess it's good to have this on my album."
"Well we still have a lot more tracks to do, so we'll see if this one makes the cut." I mentioned.
"Alright, we need you back in the booth." The producer told Normani. She took one last sip of her tea and went back in to finish up the song.
Scooter walked in, and I asked him if we could talk outside.
"What's up?" He asked with a mouthful of a sandwich.
"I've been thinking, and I want to make an album." I announced to him. He fluttered his eyes a few times, not believing what just came out of my mouth.
"Am I dreaming? Did you just say you wanted to make an album?" He asked, looking at me surprisedly.
"I haven't released anything in awhile and it's time." I pointed out, shrugging my shoulders.
"What's it going to be about?"
I shifted my eyes, and completely forgot about that part. I had no idea what it was going to be about. "I don't know yet."
"Lauren, this isn't just something you can just say 'hey, let's make an album today'. It's a process of writing, and making songs and realizing that you want to put it all on an album. It takes time." He informed me, walking back into the studio.
"I know, but I want to make one." I said, tugging on his wrist before he went back in.
"You haven't written a song for yourself in ages much less recorded one."
"I understand," I sighed. "I just want people to know what I have to say."
"You also need to gain respect from people in order for people to know that." He paused. "You have to make this comeback strong, you have to be ready for what's coming your way, and right now, I don't think it's such a good time for you. Not until you change up your attitude." He finalized before going into the studio.
He was right. I'm not ready actually. I only wanted to prove my mom wrong. I wanted to show her that I did have something going for me. That was the only reason why I wanted to make this album. But in order for me to prove her wrong, it has to be good and people have to like it. Most importantly I have to like it and I have to like what I'm putting out. I don't want to just put out a song for the hell of it.
"I always knew you were talented." She told me as she pecked my lips.
"I wish my mom thought the same thing." I laughed, leading her over to the couch with me.
"She does, she's just afraid to admit it." She told me, poking my nose. "You're talented and if you don't believe that just because your mom doesn't, you're crazy."
"I just want people to like my songs."
"Who cares what people think, it's about if you like it or not." She shrugged. "You're doing this because this is what you love."
"My mom just doesn't have the best outlook on me."
"Stop talking like that Lauren." She said sternly. "She does, and so do I. I believe you'll get far, and you'll be this big amazing Indie artist that everyone knows." She smiled.
"I'm just sick of being labeled as your girlfriend only." I pouted.
"Just because I'm a model?" She chuckled.
I nodded. "I'd rather be known as Lauren Jauregui the Indie Artist not your girlfriend. No offense." I laughed, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"I'm kidding, I understand. You will be known as Lauren Jauregui the Indie Artist." She smiled, kissing my lips softly.