one.
Monday
I plopped down on my sofa, running my fingers through my hair and sighing deeply. I felt so pressured into writing this song for this artist, I wanted to give it my all. My mind was running, telling myself I suck and I can't do it. Everything was frustrating me, so I decided to leave the studio.
Seconds later, my manager barged into my hotel room. "What the hell are you doing?" He cursed, his arms flung out. "Get back in the studio now." He ordered.
I sat up, and stared at him for a few seconds. "No." I said bluntly, slouching back down into the sofa.
He took of his cap, and scratched his head. "I don't know what you're doing, but whatever mood you're in, you need to get out of it." He said, pacing back in forth in front of me.
"Do you see this?" He said, pointing around the suite I was in."This, all of this, I got you into this, because I had hope in you." He paused, placing his hands on his hips. "And you know what you did? You failed me once again Jauregui."
I furrowed my brows and stood up from the couch. "What the fuck are you talking about? I failed you? That's bullshit!" I cursed.
"It isn't bullshit because it's true!"
"Fuck that." I spat, waving my hand dismissively. "You don't understand how much pressure I am under." I said softly.
"You're under pressure?" He chuckled. "I'm under pressure. The label keeps bugging me, getting you to write this song, they want it now, Lauren, is that not getting through your head?"
"Is it not getting through your head, that I can't write the song while under pressure?" I shot back.
"No one is pressuring you!" He yelled.
"Lauren, have you written the song? How about that song Lauren? Is it finished? You have that song done yet? Are those not the exact words that came out of your mouth or am I being misunderstood?" I mimicked him, placing my hands on my hips and tilting my head.
He didn't respond to me for a while. There was a silence between us, and I noticed he was trying to gather up his words.
"Why don't you just have Tori to help you?" He suggested.
I shook my head. "No!" I said sternly.
He knew me and Tori hadn't been on the best of terms after our break up. We had always written together, and she helped me a lot, but she isn't a reason why I can't write this song.
"Lauren, that was months ago, move on, write the song with her." He stated, sighing frustratedly at me. "Or at least with on of the writers in the studio, the artist will be here in thirty minutes and if we don't have a song written by then, we're screwed."
"We're? Don't you mean you?"
"You too Jauregui, just get your ass back to the studio." He cursed, turning on his heels before exiting.
I rolled my eyes, watching as the hotel door slammed shut. As soon as he left, I turned on my heels and headed towards the balcony. On the small table in the corner, I still had the packet of cigarettes from last night and I picked them up and put one of them in my mouth and lit it.
The view of Los Angeles looked amazing where I was at, I just wanted to stay here. I didn't feel like going back to the studio, I just wanted to have time for myself. Going back to the studio, I knew I'd feel pressured, frustrated, and annoyed by the people around me, so there really was no point going back. But I knew I had too, I had no opinion. Which sucked.
I opened the studio doors, and all the writers and producers had been in there. One of them smiled at me when walked in, but I ignored him, simply wanting to get this over with.
"So, what have you guys finished, hopefully the song." I said, pulling out another cigarette, but it getting snatched out of my hands from my manager.
"No smoking in the studio." He mumbled, throwing it in the trash.
"We've gotten a few verses done, we need your help for the rest of it." One of them mentioned, walking over to me with the notebook showing me what they had finished.
I took the notepad, and walked over to the desk in the corner, and tried to come up with something good. All I got was nothing.
"Can you play the beat for me?" I asked the producer, thinking maybe this will help, even though it already failed for me earlier.
Carefully, I listened to the beat, trying to come up with a melody, but I couldn't get any words out. All it was was gibberish, that didn't make sense at all or fit the meaning of the song.
"You get anything yet?" My manager asked, peaking over my shoulder at the notepad.
"Does it look like it Scott?" I said sarcastically, looking over my shoulder at him.
"Listen Lauren, I'm going to need you to cooperate with us, write the song, and drop the attitude. The artist should be here any minute and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to deal with your attitude."
I ignored what he said to me, and rolled my eyes. "Who even is this artist you keep blabbing about?"
"She's amazing," he exclaimed, "she has this amazing voice, killer charism, and wonderful personality-" He paused when he saw her small posse and two security guards around her.
"You talk about her like this is a dating-" I talked over all the voices greeting the girl that walked in, and immediately stopped speaking when she saw her.
The darker girl walked over towards us and greeted Scott with a hug. "Nice to see you Scooter!" She smiled, then I met her gaze and gave a small smile.
"Nice to see you too Mani," He smiled, his eyes shifted to both me and Normani and introduced us. "Normani, Lauren, Lauren, Normani."
Normani shook my hand excitedly, catching me off guard a bit, "It's a pleasure meeting you. You're an amazing song writer. When Scooter told me about you, I thought I was dreaming."
I smiled awkwardly, and looked up at Scooter and widened my eyes at how overly excited the girl was.
"So, I heard you guys wrote a song for me." Normani mentioned, looking at everyone in the room.
"About that," Scooter lingered, looking down at the half page of lyrics. "It isn't finished yet. Someone here is slacking." He said bluntly, looking at me.
I rolled my eyes, and Normani waved her hand dismissively. "No rush, we want the song to be good right?" She pointed out.
I nodded agreeing with her statement. "Thank you." I commented, looking at Scooter.
Scooter gave me some time to finish off the song, while Normani worked on the other verses. Two hours into recording, I wrote down a few things, but it wasn't my best work.
When I finished, I handed the lyrics to Normani and she took them with her into the booth. Scooter hit my shoulder excitedly, as Normani began to sing the song.
"This is going to be amazing." Scooter said excitedly, biting down on his fingernails.
I sighed deeply and leaned forward in chair. "An Indie artist doing a song with a R&B, rap artist, isn't that a great idea!" I sarcastically said to Scooter.
Scooters facial expression changed quickly and he looked at me frustratedly. "It's something new and different that I think can work out."
"Keyword is you."
"You haven't even given her a shot yet, she's amazing if you haven't been paying attention." He mentioned, pointing to Normani with his hand. "This isn't even one of her songs. It's for a kids movie soundtrack, of course this isn't really your type of music."
"It isn't about my type of music, it's about the song being good," I sighed, correcting him. "Don't get me wrong, she's amazing, but this," I said, pointing to my copy of the lyrics. "Is shit."
"You wrote it."
"Half of it."
"Whatever, you still co wrote so you're still apart of it."
I rolled her eyes, and leaned back in the chair. I absolutely hated the song, and wish i never wrote it. I hadn't written the rap verses, just the verses that Normani was going to sing.
Normani finished up, placing the headphones around the microphone. She had a big smile on her face, and everyone clapped, shocking me, that they actually liked the song.
"That was amazing Normani," Scooter said, speaking into to the small microphone in front of the producer.
She exited the booth, and smiled at everyone that applauded. Normani hugged the girl that was with her, as well as the guy, and I'm assuming those are her close friends.
She chatted with them for awhile, while the producers, writers and Scooter talked. "Lauren, Normani," Scooter called us both over.
"We were just talking, and I think it would be amazing, if Lauren helped you write your album." Scooter mentioned. I widened my eyes at him, not wanting to part take in any of it, but Normani seemed mainly excited.
"I'm down if Lauren is. She's such a great writer, it would be an honor to work with her." She said happily.
"I mean, I don't know," I said scratching the back of my head, getting an unpleasant look from Scooter. "I'm an Indie artist, I haven't really written anything 'R&B' and 'rap' like." I said, trying my best not to sound harsh.
"It'll be something different for you." Scooter replied, encouraging me more, and basically not taking no for an answer.
"R&B and Indie are two different genres of music." I debated. "That's like a heavy metal writer writing a song for a pop artist."
"Is the one and only Lauren Jauregui, saying writing a song out of her genre, will be too difficult for her?" One of the writers questioned.
Normani looked at me then back at the producers. "If you don't want too, I totally understand."
"No,no" I said shaking my head and running my hands through my hair. "It's not that," I paused. "I'll help out." I stated, not wanting to seem rude to Normani.
"Awesome!" Scooter said, rubbing his hands together. "This will be an excellent experience for you, and it'll be something new!" He said, placing his hand on my shoulder.
As soon as the conversation was over, Scooter and everyone else had left, leaving me alone and to close up. When I left, I heard a voice call me, and I turned around and I saw Normani.
"Thanks for helping with this song, I'm really looking forward to working with you." She said happily.
I nodded my head, and smiled. I didn't want to say too much because I didn't want to seem rude, so I kept it simple. "I'm looking forward to it too!" I said, trying to copy the same amount of happiness she had.
"You're one of the best writers in this business, I had every single one of your albums, and I always had this dream of working with you, and look at me now." She chuckled at the end.
I smiled at her, appreciative of her kind words. "Thanks," I responded, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. "Um, I guess I'll call you tomorrow about that album?" I said unsurely.
She nodded her head excitedly, and then I headed out of the studio. Once I got into my car, my phone buzzed and I quickly answered it seeing my landlord calling me.
"Hello?"
"Lauren, you haven't paid your rent his month, I need the money now!"
"I barely just moved in!"
"It's been a month since you moved in!"
I rolled my eyes, and checked my calendar. It had been a month since I moved. I had been so busy lately, I haven't even had the chance to be home.
"Fine, just give me some time, I'll have by next week."
"Next week?!"
She began to ramble on, and I hung up, not wanting to hear her yelling at me. I let out a frustrated sigh, and placed my head on my steering wheel. My hand searched my pants pocket for my cigarettes, and then I checked my bag. The cigarettes had been in the cup holder next to me, and I couldn't feel more relieved.
My manager didn't like me smoking them, but I could careless about what he thought of me. This was actually my only getaway.
There had been a knock on my window, and I turned and saw my manager outside of my car door. I rolled my eyes and rolled the window down, "What do you want?"
"Those aren't good for you Lauren," He started, but I ignored him, blowing the smoking out between my lips. "Anyways, you forgot this. I saw it in the dumpster outside your hotel room and I meant to give it to you."
I stared at the book in his hand, and I snatched it, throwing it in the backseat. "I'll just throw it out when I get home."
"Those were really good songs Lauren." He sighed.
"Well I hate them and I want to get rid of them." I shot back angrily.
He shook his head, and tapped my window. "I'll call you tomorrow." He said, with a sound of disappointment in his voice.
~
Saturday morning
There was a loud banging on my door, waking me up. I threw my sheets off my bed, and went to answer it. Without looking out the peep hole, I was greeted by Scooter.
"Why were you banging on my door like that?" I asked him, shutting the door behind me, but it being stopped by something.
I looked down and noticed a foot in the door, and my eyes met my landlord. "I have your damn money." I cursed, reaching for the check that was sitting on the counter top.
"Next time don't be late!" She snatched the money from me and walked down the hallway.
I mimicked her voice, and slammed the door shut. I grabbed a shirt that had been laying on my couch, and I noticed that my manager had been looking the other way.
"I should really call to make sure you're not in a bra when I get here."
"What do you want?" I asked annoyedly, walking over to the kitchen and pouring me a glass of orange juice.
"You forgot." He said bluntly, placing his hand on his forehead. I furrowed my brows and looked at him confusedly. "Normani. You forgot about her."
"What about her?" I asked, sipping the juice.
"She was waiting at the studio for you last night, all night, ready to work on the album, but someone had to get in trouble." He said, seeming annoyed with me. He pulled out a magazine from his pocket, and threw it in front of me.
Singer, Songwriter, Lauren Jauregui Working the Bad Girl Image!
I chuckled at the title, and looked back up at Scooter and noticed he wasn't laughing. "I'm such a bad ass."
"No Lauren, you're not!" He said angrily rubbing his temples. "You're destroying your reputation with the bad girl attitude."
"I'm not destroying anything."
"Lauren yes you are, ever since-"
"Don't bring her into this, she has nothing to do with anything and you know this." I told him sternly. I brushed passed him, and went back to my room and got dressed.
Me and Scooter sat in silence as he drove me to the studio. I really didn't want to be here at all, I'd much rather stay at home, in bed, but I didn't have a choice.
"Scooter!" Normani said excitedly, hugging Scooter as he walked into the studio. Once they released from the hug, she smiled at me, and reciprocated, my smile not lasting too long.
Scooter looked at the both of us, and rubbed his hands together. "Let's make an album." He smiled.
Normani agreed and nodded. She turned around, shuffling through a folder that had IDEAS in bold letters. "I was thinking about this as our first song on the track." She mentioned, handing me and Scooter the paper too look over.
I arched my brow, side eyeing Scooter with a questioning look. "So it's about how you're not doing okay if your partner isn't with you?" I asked the dark girl.
She nodded her head, "Yeah, it's kinda different from what I used to make." She mentioned.
"You want this to be the first song on the album?" Scooter asked, looking up at Normani.
She shrugged, "It doesn't have to be the first song, I just think it'll be nice to be on the album." She asserted.
Me and Scooter looked over the idea again, and then she pulled out a small notepad out of her bag, and showed us some lyrics she came up with.
It all comes down to this, I miss your morning kiss. I won't lie, I'm feeling it.
I'm not living life, if you're not by my side.
I only argue wit, him with the Lakers on, other than that, I'm getting my Marc Jacobs on.
"I just got a few lines down, I just wanted to wait for Lauren before I got into the song." She chuckled lightly, scratching the back of her head.
The song suggestion, kind of fit my situation of what I going through, so this probably wouldn't be hard for me. "Well, I guess you guys could get started." Scooter stated.
We were in the studio for hours. I'm pretty sure, I ripped out over a hundred sheets of paper since Scooter had to run out and get me another notebook. I constantly listened over the instrumental, trying to figure out the right lyrics to go with it.
Normani had already finished her verse, which caused more pressure on me.
"Let's meet at our favorite spot," I mumbled, tapping my pencil on the book going to the beat of the music. "You know the one, right around the block." I wrote down, and just mumbled the melody. "I wanna hold your hand, make you laugh again, I need to be near you."
Afterwards, everything came to me. I even wrote more verses for Normani that she could add in.
Once we finished, we listened to the song back again, well Normani did, since I was in my thoughts. She tapped me once the song finished, bringing me out of my trance. "Wow Lauren, thank you." She said.
"You're welcome," I replied, getting up and grabbing my stuff. "So, are we doing this tomorrow or do you want to do another one tonight?" I asked hoping she'd said tomorrow would be better.
"Tomorrow would be nice, I'm kinda beat." She chuckled, getting up off the couch. "Same time tomorrow?"
I nodded my head, and smiled goodbye, and exited the studio. As soon as I got in my car, I broke down in tears.