VII. YOU'LL BE THE VOCALIST
It just so happened that Emi woke up insanely late in Sophie’s room. Smacking her lips sleepily, she opened her eyes and saw Sophie’s face leaning down toward her.
— Emi, I’m off to work. I’ll get off early today, around eight… I’ll leave the keys on the shelf, — she said.
— Bye… — Emi mumbled drowsily. — Have a good day.
Emi looked around. It was a fairly spacious room with mint-green wallpaper that gave off strong grandma-renovation vibes. For some reason, it smelled like cats even though there were no cats in the house. In the corner stood a tall dried-up palm tree, and on the nightstand sat a dusty television and an aquarium full of barely alive fish. A large poster hung on the wall.
“Right… I’ve been here before, — she thought. — But how did I even end up here?.. Ah, I think I remember. We were sitting at Elvin’s place, I confessed to Sophie, then we all went outside, and I got completely drunk… I remember Sophie carrying me at some point, or maybe she was just holding me like that, I already forgot. So I walked all the way from the Old Town to Marjanishvili while drunk? Also, I noticed that ever since Mariam appeared in my life, I started drinking, even though I never drank before. Though honestly, it’s obvious why. Before her, I had no one at all.”
Then she noticed Fleya sitting in front of her.
— Oh, Emi, you’re awake? — she asked. — Good morning!
— Morning, Fleya.
Fleya was turning the TV remote over in her hands when she suddenly noticed a big red button near the bottom.
— It’s video! Shall we turn it on? — she suggested.
— Sure, — Emi replied. — What do you like watching?
— I like things about the underwater world.
— Alright then, underwater world it is.
— Interesting facts about the Mariana Trench, compilations of the biggest and most dangerous fish, where box jellyfish live… I want everything, everything’s interesting!
Emi turned on a video and sat closer to Fleya.
— Did you know, Emi, that box jellyfish mostly live in shallow waters rather than deep underwater?
— No way! — Emi smiled. — Well, now I’m definitely never swimming in the ocean again.
Emi went still and listened to the facts about fish together with Fleya.
“It feels like nothing in the world exists except these box jellyfish,” Emi thought.
— Listen, Fleya, — she interrupted, — are you actually okay with the fact that you only met me at first, and now you kind of have to interact with all these other people too?
— Yes. I like all of them. Besides, each one of them is your friend.
— Well… I didn’t really think every single one counted. Elvin’s just Mariam’s boyfriend, after all. By the way, Fleya, did you know that before I met Mariam, I basically had no friends at all?
— Never?
— At least not for a very long time. After the move, I mean. My family and I moved here from Russia.
— When I first met you, it was obvious.
— Obvious? How?
— From your eyes, your expression, the way you moved… You were running from a world that doesn’t accept you, a world where you feel lonely and out of place. You need someone who will always stay beside you, everywhere and always, someone who’ll become one with you, someone who’ll fill the emptiness inside your soul and free you from that aching feeling of being unwanted.
Emi nearly got scared.
“This goddess just said something I myself could never fully understand or put into words… and yet… it’s true.”
— And you… can you do that, Fleya? — Emi asked uncertainly.
— I’ll try. I’m here to help you and make your life easier and happier. Honestly, for a god, living with a human is kind of like getting a pet. Though sometimes it feels like the opposite.
By the time it got dark outside, it was already eight in the evening, and Emi and Fleya had spent the entire day sitting there watching television. Someone knocked on the door, and Emi ran to open it.
— Hey! — Sophie said, out of breath. — You haven’t starved to death in there yet, have you? I completely forgot to leave any food this morning, and the fridge is empty as hell. Sorry, maybe we can go get dinner together.
— It’s okay, I’m not hungry, — Emi replied. — We could just go drink tea in the kitchen.
— I don’t have a kitchen, there’s only a shared one downstairs on the first floor. I’m just renting a room.
— Alright, let’s go then. But I still only want tea.
— Really? You probably haven’t eaten all day, don’t make me worry! You’re already skinny as a matchstick!
Sophie still hadn’t taken off her leather coat, while Emi quickly threw on her puffer jacket and opened the door. They hadn’t even managed to leave yet when Fleya flew up to them.
— You’re leaving? — she asked pitifully.
— Yeah, — Emi answered. — We won’t be long!
Fleya grew sad and let a few tears fall.
— Sorry! — Emi stroked her on the back.
— God, it’s so cold outside! — Emi exclaimed as they stepped out of the building. — Maybe I’m just too sensitive to cold, but anything below ten degrees with wind feels like absolute hell to me… I should’ve worn something with long sleeves under my jacket.
— How did you even survive in Russia? Here, let me give you my leather coat, and you can put your puffer over it, — Sophie suggested.
— And you’ll walk around in a thin shirt? Absolutely not!
— Come on, seriously, I’m not cold at all!
Sophie handed her the coat, and Emi stopped in the middle of the street. She bent down, tried to undo the zipper, but it got stuck, and her fingers tangled awkwardly.
— Here, let me help, — Sophie said, unzipping the jacket for her.
— Thanks… So where are we going, by the way?
— I’d just grab something hot and walk around outside. You’re okay with that?
— Yeah, I’m warm now.
— By the way, I keep thinking about Fleya. So… is she capable of love?
— Um… of course. Why wouldn’t she be?
— It’s just so strange… I always thought a god couldn’t love one specific person, only an entire species. Though… Fleya isn’t really like that. At least she’s nothing like the God they talked about in church.
— You thought Fleya created the world?
— Maybe… though honestly, I never really thought about it.
— Fleya herself said that “gods” is just a name people gave them a very long time ago. Just imagine some ancient human randomly meeting a giant flying creature, like we did. What would they think? Of course they’d think it was a god. That’s how it happened. Are you Christian, Sophie?
— Yeah. I grew up in a very religious family. I used to doubt religion before — there was a period when I considered myself an atheist — but eventually I came to the conclusion that some kind of Creator-God exists. I’m not sure in what form exactly, but it was easier for me to accept Christianity and our traditions than to remain without meaning. What about you, Emi?
— I’m an atheist. Though honestly, it’s interesting how few believers there are in our circles…
— Yeah, I know. Almost everyone gets surprised when they find out I believe.
They went into McDonald’s, and Sophie ordered a cup of coffee.
— Should we stay here or leave? — Emi asked.
— Let’s leave… There are way too many people here, and honestly I don’t even like Mickey D’s, it’s just cheap, even though the food tastes awful. We could cross the river and go to the park. You’re not cold anymore, right?
— I’m fine, don’t worry… Yeah, I think we can.
They reached the park and sat down on the curb. Children were making noise, people all around them were talking, while Emi and Sophie stayed silent, staring into the distance.
— I wonder what people even talk about?.. — Emi finally broke the silence. — Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to talk at all.
— What are you talking about? — Sophie asked, surprised. — Why wouldn’t you?
— Because a lot of the time I genuinely have nothing to say. Like, for example, Mariam’s mouth literally never stops when she’s with someone… she just talks and talks and can’t stop! But when we’re alone together, we’re often silent. Of course, that’s probably because we live together and spend most of our time with each other, but I still keep thinking: “What if I’m just boring?”
— You’re not boring, Emi. No, seriously, don’t even think that. You’re just different. Mariam, you see, every thought that enters her head has to come out immediately. She pushes everything outward, while you do the opposite — you push everything inward. You quietly observe, analyze, think. That’s why every word you say carries more weight, because before you speak, you actually reflect on it. Just don’t tell Mariam that, — Sophie smirked, — or she’ll turn it into: “So Sophie thinks everything I say is meaningless…” I absolutely adore her, but sometimes she’s just… too much.
— Yeah, and physically too. She’s literally taller than Elvin. By the way, do you know her height and weight? I wanted to ask before, but it felt awkward.
— I think she’s around one meter eighty-nine and a hundred fifteen kilos.
— That’s insane. Honestly, I love tall people, and I wish I were like that too. Why was I born tiny?
— Oh, don’t stress about it, there’s beauty in that too!
— Yeah, if you think about it, every person is beautiful! Then why do you want plastic surgery?
— I already changed my mind. I realized it’s stupid.
— Okay, we totally drifted away from talking about Mariam. It’s so weird that I’ve only known her for a couple of months, but it feels like at least a year already… maybe I’ve just changed that much during this time. And you’ve known her way longer, right? You’re really old friends, from what I understood. I’d really love to hear what she used to be like.
— Oh… yeah. We met back in 2021, when I was only sixteen and she was nineteen. Back then she still lived in a village and only came to the city on weekends, and my parents were still alive.
— Your parents died? — Emi asked in shock.
— Yeah. Mom and Dad died in a car crash last year, so now I live alone. It was horrible. I loved them very much.
— I’m sorry… I feel so bad for you.
— It’s okay, really, — Sophie smiled. — I just don’t like being pitied. I’m living well now, even though my chest still aches whenever I think about them. Anyway, Mariam and I were basically inseparable — sleepovers every weekend, texting and phone calls until late at night on weekdays. And yeah, I fell hopelessly in love with her, though I think you already figured that out. We even tried kissing and… doing stuff once, but the next day she said: “Nah, I’m definitely straight, I just wanted to make you feel good.” But honestly, Mariam was basically the same back then as she is now. Her personality, the way she talks, her mannerisms — none of it really changed. She already had her alt era when we met: red hair, energy drinks, Converse, Mitski and TV Girl, and honestly I was pretty much the same.
— Yeah, I was like that too. Terrible times…
— We all were at some point… Then somewhere between 2022 and 2023 she became goth, started listening to goth music, fully settled in Tbilisi, and we opened Marfi. That’s pretty much it.
— I wish we’d known each other for that long too. And by the way, I also moved here in 2022, right after Putin announced mobilization. My dad started packing our suitcases, and two days later we were already standing in line at Verkhny Lars.
— By the way, how do you feel about him? I know it’s kind of a stupid question, but I still need to ask.
— Well… — Emi smiled. — I think that’s obvious.
— Yeah, sorry. It’s just that once I met a Russian girl in a bar, and she turned out to be brainwashed. It was such a shock to me, like — wait, people actually respect him? Those kinds of people really exist around us? Ever since then I feel like I have to ask everyone.
— Yeah, I get why. There are actually a lot of people like that, they’re just usually not among us. Z is a disease… Oh, Mariam just texted me. “Come over to Elvin’s house, we need to discuss something.”
— Elvin’s? Weird, let me check my phone… Nope, she didn’t text me anything.
— Yeah, I’m surprised too. Why not at our place? Are the three of us supposed to discuss something together? Looks like they’re planning to move in together.
— Damn… that’s bad.
— Yeah, now I don’t even want to go.
— Though… in that case, we could live together.
Emi and Sophie went back for Fleya and said goodbye.
Mariam was at Elvin’s place that day.
— We planned so much together, — she was saying, — an entire day alone, some amazing date, a romantic evening… And in the end, we did nothing except have sex. How did that even happen, Elvin?
— Well, at least the sex was good, — Elvin replied. — And the evening’s not over yet, it’s only twilight.
— Alright, alright, I’m heading home. Maybe I’ll stop by again later tonight.
— Why so suddenly?
— I want to talk to Emi. Okay, bye.
Mariam stepped outside. A violent wind howled through the streets, tossing all her hair around.
“Why does every climb, every turn on the way home feel so difficult? I feel completely drained, I don’t want to go anywhere, don’t want anything, God, I’m so tired of everyone! I wonder if Emi’s there? I really hope she came back. She’s the only person I’m not tired of.”
When Mariam returned home, Emi wasn’t there.
“Damn, I wish I could just hear her voice right now! — Mariam thought. — It’s just so calming.”
But the only sounds in the house were a child snoring and Vakhtang yelling at Tamara:
— Hey, cook, go make dinner!
Mariam went upstairs and sat down on a chair. She shifted restlessly, holding a pen in her hand and clicking it over and over. Only one thought kept circling in her head:
“I need to make peace with my grandfather. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how. I’ve been putting off this call for so long, and I think it’s finally time. Emi isn’t here, and honestly that’s good. I wouldn’t want to distract her.”
Mariam picked up her phone and stared at it for a while before finally dialing the number with trembling hands. The ringing gave way to static, and timidly, she said:
— Hello.
— Granddaughter?
— Yeah, it’s me.
— Why are you calling me?
— I want to say I’m sorry.
— Alright. I’m not angry anymore. I miss you, granddaughter. How are you living?
— Not bad. I have a business now, and I live with a friend.
— And that boy?
— We broke up in the summer.
— That’s for the better.
— How are you doing, Grandpa?
— Same as always. Got the apiary ready for winter, the frost finally hit. The harvest was good. I’m a lonely man without you, Mariam. But otherwise, I can’t complain about my health.
— I could come visit you. Just forgive me, please. You do forgive me, right?
— Forgiving is better than holding onto resentment. But how would you come, little one? Things are going well for you in the city, your business is growing — what would you even do sitting around in a village? I’m the old man rooted to this land.
— I could come for a day or a few days, if you want me to.
— And why would you? Either come back properly or don’t come at all! I don’t understand you people. Abandoning your family, your bloodline… If you really miss your old life, then come back for good, not just visit once and disappear again God knows where.
— You sound like you’re still upset with me.
— Oh, don’t be ridiculous!
Mariam hung up with her heart pounding and her palms hot with sweat.
“He’s still exactly the same, — she thought. — I honestly don’t know if he really forgave me or not, but at least he listened to me. His voice, his intonation — it all pulls me straight back into the distant past. I kept thinking about wanting to start a band, and remembering that my love for music began there, in my grandfather’s house. First I got a music player, then a guitar, then a phone…”
Later that evening, Mariam went back to Elvin’s place.
— Listen, Elvin, — she said. — You once told me you used to play drums as a kid. Do you still remember how to play?
— Yeah, though not exactly as a kid — more like when I was seventeen or eighteen. I went to a school music club. I really loved drums, and honestly, even now I could probably play some song.
A nervous, excited Emi arrived. Mariam hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, and said:
— Emi, I invited you here because...
— You and Elvin are going to move in together? — Emi interrupted.
— No, what? Of course not. I know this is going to sound insane, but… I want to start a band. I play guitar, Elvin plays drums, and you have this absolutely angelic voice — plus a mesmerizing appearance that would look perfect center stage. You’ll be the vocalist, Emi.
— Seriously? — Emi could barely believe her. — We’re going to have a band?
— And you’ll be the star of it.
— No way… God, this sounds crazy, but… I really want this!
— Perfect! I can already picture us going on world tours together, performing on stage, giving interviews! We’re going to become superstars!
— And me? — Elvin’s voice came from the corner of the room.
— Well… you too, obviously, but vocalists and guitarists are always in the spotlight, while drummers and bassists sadly stay in the background. Oh, and for bassist I want Gabi — that boy with the spiked hair. He came to my birthday party, and he plays bass like a god. Though Gabi’s still really young, I don’t think he’s even eighteen yet.
— Have you even asked him? What if he doesn’t want to?
— He’ll want to. I’m inviting him to dinner tomorrow — just don’t get jealous!
— Mariam, have you already come up with a name? — Emi asked. — Or did you want us to think of one together?
— Yeah, I do have a working title already: “ANGELIC KISS.” What do you think?
— That’s cool, I like it. Is the genre going to be something gothic?
— Yep. Gothic rock.
Fleya curled herself into a little ball to take up less space and listened excitedly.
— I’m so happy you’re going to have a band! — she said. — I love music too, especially the kind humans create. It’s just sad that if I started singing, only other gods would be able to hear me, not humans.