Valentines Break
J̺o̺h̺n̺ 's̺ P̺O̺V̺
I woke up to a ray of dark light. It was 6:00 when I woke up and I felt like I was stuck to my bed. My eyes kept flashing open then closing, letting my tiredness take over. I sat like that for a moment, just taking in the amount of nothing I was doing. Then I decided to slowly slip out of bed.
I turned on my phone looking at the date. February 14, which was of course the day of love and joy. But instead, I felt my heart drop. I started shaking and silently sighed to myself.
Today was the day I had to admit my feelings for Red, but I couldn't. I've been going like this for a whole month, constantly calling myself stupid for not telling him sooner.
I had originally planned to tell him a week ago, but of course I couldn't grasp the courage to. I felt so much pressure on me. If I told him today I would have to actually tell him and not be like those hundreds of other attempts where I shy away. If I don't tell him today, just imagine how embarrassing it would for me to walk up to Red and tell him after Valentines. He'll ask why I didn't ask sooner. He'll just tell everyone how much of a horrible and scared boyfriend I am. If that day even comes.
So I decided to man up and take control of this whole situation. I slipped on a nice shirt with a bright red glow, almost pink. Put on some nice dark pants and the nicest pair of shoes I could find. After doing this I actually felt confident. My heart still raced, but I could already picture me telling Red perfectly how I feel. Blushing at the thought I continued changing, slowly but surely, planing out how I was going to tell him.
I walked out of the house after saying my goodbyes to my family and I felt shaken again. Clenching my fist I got in my car to go to the lake. There, I was going to tell him everything and hopefully, he will except me. It took me awhile, but I got there. It was beautiful on this kind of day. Not that many people were around and there was a bench so I can sit down and call Red to see if he can be here. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and stopped, my thumb hovering over my contacts list. I felt that pressure come back from this morning. It felt as if I was drowning in different ways to mess up and ruin my life. I then placed my phone on my lap and intertwined my hands together. Rubbing my thumb nail with my other thumb, I began to worry more and more. Once I finally told myself I was going to be okay and that I should be thinking positive, I thought of ways it could go better.
"Flowers. No's maybe chocolate or-" I couldn't think straight. My mind kept contemplating between these decisions until I decided to get him a chocolate rose. Knowing what I was going to get I smiled running into my car and taking off. I was probably going to be back at the lake in fifteen minutes so I have plenty of time if I need it. A smile showing up on my face once in awhile along the drive.
Arriving at the flower shop I got out of my car and locked. They were having an event all this week for Valentines Day. There were selling a bundle of vanilla and chocolate roses for two dollars, so I though it would be perfect.
"Welcome, how may I help you?" The lady asked at the front desk. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes that looked nice, yet thinking about other things. She was the only worker in the shop and I could see the people though the cracked door in the back scrambling all over the place. "Well, do's you's stills have those chocolates roses for's sale?" I asked and her expression changed. "No sorry sir we don't. We actually ran out earlier today, but the next order will come in tomorrow if that helps." She started trying to help me from my current situation. "No's it's alright. Thank you's." I said walking out slightly disappointed. "Have a nice day." I heard her all call from the front desk.
After losing a bit more confidence, I went to other store which was packed. A ton of last minute people buying chocolate roses, flowers, and cards for their loved ones. I sighed as I ran over to the stand of chocolate roses. There was only two, and lucky for me both were crushed by people who are either jerks or just grabbing the chocolate flower to forcefully. I kept telling myself I should just take them, but they were in horrible condition. After a short moment of staring and thinking about it, I decided to just make something myself. My some cookies will do just as well as a beautiful rose that Red would obviously like more. I though I was done with feeling hopeless about finding a gift until I came outside.
"Get's the fucks aways from my car!" I yelled. A guy just broke my backseat window. After realizing I was there he stormed off, but I was still pissed off. I called the police and they arrived minutes later. I described the man best I could and my car was going to be used as evidence, so of course I couldn't use it. They told me to have a great day, but today was probably one of my worst. One of the police officers took me home and told me to stay safe. I was so done at that point. Who the hell takes their time to break into a car on Valentines Day and steal my shit just to see me more stressed out.
Once I explained to my brother, who was the only one at the house at the time, about what happened, I just sat down at the kitchen table. I looked over at my phone realizing instead of a fifteen minute trip, I took an hour and fifteen minute long trip. I grabbed my forehead in frustration and went to the fridge to take out the cookie dough. There was twenty-five in the the pack and I decided to use all of them. After spraying down a tray, I preheated the oven and waited nearby.
It didn't take long till I stuck the cookies in the oven and waited again. Slightly burning myself in the process, I put the tray of cookies into the oven. Then I heard the noise of my phone going off. My attention was now pulled away from the cookie and to the table that was across the room. Letting the heat sink into the treats I walked over to the hard wood table and scanned though my notifications. 'Hey' Red texted to me. Panic and anxiety hit me. My body filled with failure as I felt unable to even respond to his text message.
I shook my head and attempted to get Red out of my thoughts and went over to the cookies to distance myself from my throbbing headache. I opened the oven and stabbed a toothpick though the heated dough to see if they were ready. Unfortunately they weren't and I pushed the oven door shut. Then I heard my phone go of again. The sound echoed along the walls as if taunting me to check up on Red. Running over to my phone sent chills on all along my back; it was Red again. Trying my best, I refrained from looking at his texts and quickly switched my phone on silent. "What's the hells am I's goings to do?" I mumble to myself as a sigh of heavy stress escaped my mouth.
Quickly, I took out the fully baked cookies and placed them in a dark red bag. Then tying a knot on top using an even darker red string. I felt I was finally finished and ran out the front door. My eyes were barley able to hold back the small amount of tears. While I ran, it felt as the world around me just stopped. As if I couldn't feel anything and forgot about everything. The only time I stopped is when cars were passing of course, but they didn't take to long.
"Okay's, I's can's do this." I said grabbing my phone out of my pocket. The first thing I noticed was a few texts from Red. As I looked over them, I noticed they were all him asking me if I was doing anything today and repeating my name. Guilt hit me again, but my determination was build up enough to call him this time.
"Hey's Red, I'ms real sorry I's didn't text you's back, but can's you's go to the lake today's." I said as calm as possible. Mental, my mind was exploding while my heart beat could be felt though my skin. "Oh yeah sure" He agreed. "When do you want me to be there?" "Now if's you's can." I replied. "Sure I'll be there in a few minutes, bye." Red finished. We then said our goodbyes and hung up. Then a wide smile appeared on my face. I felt relived enough to cry now. Sure I messed us all the nice things he would really appreciate and expect me to have, but he still did yes. Mixtures of positive and negative thoughts were going through my train of thought.
When I finally got to the lake, I sat to take a breath and relive myself. Then tears of joy and sadness feel on my cheeks as I quickly wiped them away. I grabbed the light material of the bag filled with Red's cookies to act like a stress reliever. Making sure not to crush any in the process. I laughed to myself and felt and weird feeling in my chest that made it tighten. Emotions crept in and out of me and left me feeling confused. I continued to quickly clean my cheeks of tears that escaped my eyes.
That's when I noticed the sound of leaves crunching against the ground. Looking up I saw Red walking towards me. Time went by so fast. Being trapped in your emotions really takes up time. I waved to him as these feelings of nervousness became vary apparent. Sweat was gathering in the palm of my hands. I started bouncing the back of my foot in the air while it balanced with the front. The closer Red got, the more I felt myself weaken. I let out a shaky breath as he smiled at me.
"Hey Barney" Red said sitting next to me. I put on the calmest smile to keep everything in. "Hey's man" I said back normally. "Are you okay," he questioned "your eyes are kinda red." Panic when though my body but I shock it off.
"No I'ms okay, it's just pinks eye" I told him hoping to convince him. "In both eye Barney. It looks more red then pink anyway." Damn it.
"I'ms okays really, I's just want to's tell you's something" I said changing the subject.
"You can tell me after you tell me why you have dry tears on your face." I blushed as he wiped them away for me. It felt like he was cresting my face while taking the dry tears off which I though I had taken off by myself. I now felt embarrassed. I wanted to say something to him but I kept cutting myself off. Then everything just feel out.
"Okay's Red looks, I's wanted to's give you's a present for's Valentines. Then i's screweded all's up and everything's I's wanted to's do for you's was ruined!" Red looked at me with concert in his eyes. "There's was nothing's at the store and my's car gots broken's into! The only things I's got's you's was this!" I said throwing him the bright bag full of cookies. Being on the verge of tears felt like hell. I felt like I was being suffocated holding back the waterfall in my eye.
"Michael's, I's been feeling like I's love you's."
Red paused. The whole lake felt as if it just stopped and the silence left me with a nervous feeling. Confusion hit me as I had no idea how to feel about me spilling out my thoughts. I didn't even mean to say his real name, but it just came out. It took a moment until Red finally spoke.
"Barney," he stood up and hugged me. "Don't feel like that." Red told me. I wrapped my arms around him and dug my head into his chest. He grabbed my shirt and hugged me closer to him. "Barney, I love you so much and I never want you to think you have to travel around the world just to empress me." He told me firmly grabbing my hand. We held hands as he told me everything. "All you had to do was show up." He said as my heart raced.
Then I felt complete. Red leaned in a kissed me perfectly. His lips fit perfectly. Everything was perfect. I kissed back feeling amazing, like everything I'd worried about had been washed away. There are so many words to describe how I felt, but I could only say so many. Butterflies started to float around in my stomach as we kissed, our hands were still holding onto each other strongly. We both pulled back and smiles could be seen from both of us. Then we just laughed. I cried tears of joy as I picked up Red, lifting him off the ground. Hugging him felt amazing now as he happily hugged back. His arms wrapped around my neck and he continued to laugh with me. Placing a small kiss on his lips again made me feel love .
"Red's can you's take me home." I said to him in between laughs. "Of course my love~"he said bopping my nose making me blush. He pick up the batch of cookies I made ate one. He looked so cute. "You ready Barney?" Red asked me. "Well, is it's okay if's we's stays a bit longer?" I said. "Sure." He smiled, grabbing my hand.