Episode 4
Back in your room, you were laying on your bed and looking up through the skylight. You had no idea how to feel about what had just happened. You were furious with yourself for allowing anger to blind you, causing you to lash out. You regretted kissing him. You knew how he felt now, but having been friends with Ben for years, you understood how difficult it was for him to accept his emotions. On the other hand, you felt relieved to finally discover that your feelings for him were returned. The kiss, even though it was short, had filled your body with a frantic, electric energy. You let your eyes close, grinning. You'd only just now realized how both physically and mentally exhausted you were. At least you didn't have to hold secrets from Ben anymore. The liberation you felt was soothing.
You allowed yourself to stay like this for a while; enraptured by your own emotions. Losing track of time, you just let yourself feel, which is something that you would dearly miss when you became a Jedi. Master Luke taught everyone that emotions severed the connection a person has to the light side.
There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.
Repeating the Jedi Code mentally, you began to realize what you'd done. Kissing him would only open more doors, cause deeper emotions, and pave a path to the dark side. Fear began to constrict your thoughts. You only felt truly peaceful when you were with Ben, when he made you laugh just when you thought it was no longer possible, or hugged you tight and told you how amazing you were, even when you failed miserably during training. Most of the time he was stoic, seething power and a sense of superiority, but you'd always been able to tell if he was feeling angry or upset. He allowed you, and only you, to know how he was truly feeling, and that gave you a sense of belonging and stability.
If, to be a Jedi, you must have no emotions to create peace, you didn't know if that was possible. Everything you'd been working up to began to seem further away. Your goals and dreams appeared unattainable. A looming choice stood before you; the path of the Jedi, or Ben. You couldn't choose, how could you be expected to? Tears began to build up in your eyes, barely contained. Overwhelmed, your hands began to shake ever so slightly. Curling yourself up into a tight ball on your messy bed, you felt the first tear make its way down your face and to your pillow, paving a trail for others to follow.
You suffered silently, not wanting to disturb the melancholy peace that hung thick in the air.
Just then, a timid knock rang through the round room.
"(Y/n)? May I come in please?"
You sniffled, conjuring up the steadiest voice you could manage.
"Yes, you may."
The door opened apprehensively. Ben entered your room and sat down on your bed next to you, pulling you into his lap and holding you close to his chest. He caught you off guard, but you quickly adjusted and wrapped your arms around his torso. You cried silently into his chest, his steady heartbeat pacifying the panic that consumed you. His fingers gingerly traced small circles and loops on your back. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head once the storm of your emotions had finally moved on. You looked up to his face and saw him gazing wistfully back at you.
"I'm so sorry," you croaked out, voice hoarse.
"Why should you be sorry? You did extremely well in training, and then you were brave enough to shut me up when I was being an idiot." He chuckled lightly before continuing, "I'm the one who should be sorry for selfishly trying to keep how I felt from you. I figured I was keeping you from getting hurt, but in reality, I was still hurting you by making you suffer through your confusion alone."
"You practiced that on the way back here, didn't you?" You asked with a smirk, wiping the last tears from your eyes.
"Definitely." Ben replied confidently, laughing lightly.
You buried your face into his shoulder and beamed.
"Thank you for caring that much," you whisper.
"Thank you for not making fun of me for doing something so clichéd." Ben joked, laying down on your bed carefully, with you still clinging to his torso.
"I considered it, but I didn't want to hurt your fragile ego." You replied tiredly.
Ben chucked, running his hand through your hair. "Only a laser brain like you could be so delusional as to think that you could even scrape my incredibly inflated ego."
"Alright, moof milker, you won this round," you said in defeat. You yawned, closing your eyes.
"I think we both need some rest. We can always continue insulting each other in the morning, but honestly, I'd rather just stay like this all day," Ben lulled, holding you close.
"You could always tell Master Luke that I was too exhausted after managing to make such enormous progress to attend group training," you said, desperately clinging to your last shred of alertness. "Maybe you felt the need to stay with me to make sure I was alright."
"Sounds like a plan, then," Ben smiled and placed another light kiss onto your forehead.
You frowned, disappointedly.
"What's wrong?" Ben asked, concerned.
"You missed," you muttered, before placing another gentle kiss onto his lips. You buried your head into the crook of his neck, the warm feeling of his lips against yours still present. You fell asleep with a smile plastered on your face.
From the world of your dreams, you could've sworn you heard Ben's voice say, "We'll make this work, no matter what," but you'd forgotten by morning.
***
So much fluff wow
Unfortunately, you all know how well Ben's training goes. So get emotionally prepared to have your heart ripped out in the next chapter whOOPS
As always, point out typos and keep commenting and voting, because positive feedback honestly makes my day c: