eleven.
The sound of the waves crashing helped me focus a lot. I didn't struggle at all. Everything was flowing perfectly. This was a first.
"You got at her the same way you got at me, you showed me everything I need to see." I said to myself, tapping my pencil against the paper. "Even though you're so damn fine, I know I'm better off without you. Even if you cross my mind I would always have to doubt you."
"Lauren, it's three in the morning. What are you doing up?" Normani asked, running her fingers through her hair.
"Hold on," I said, biting my pencil. "I won't believe a thing you say this time..."
"Are you writing?" She questioned, walking over to me. "You are!" She said.
"Yeah, want to see what I got down so far?" I asked. She nodded and I handed her my journal.
She took the journal and read over the few lines I had. As she read them, she bit the inside of her cheek and tapped her fingers on the cover.
"What?" I questioned.
"Needs a little something else," she asked, sitting down at the counter next to me. "Is this who I think it's about?" She asked with a little smile on her face.
"Yes." I chuckled.
She helped me write the song and it was an easy writing process. Normani is very talented and working with her isn't difficult at all. Everything flows easily. I like that about us.
"What are you looking for?" She shouted from the kitchen while I was in the room. I came out, and sat my laptop and my microphone on the counter.
"Always come prepared." I joked, hooking up the small set up.
She shook her head and laughed. "I can't believe you."
"What, you never know when you're going to need a small studio set up." I winked, adjusting the bottom of microphone stand. "Done." I said, standing up and dusting my hands off.
We recorded the song and went over a few beats that I had in my computer from some different producers. I never put any of them to us since I never cared to listen to them. These beats were actually really good, I don't know what I was thinking before.
I sighed after listening to the last beat.
"What's the matter?" Normani asked me.
"Needs guitar, like my playing. Not to sound rude, but I want to try something out, but I don't have it with me." I pouted. "I'll just have to wait till we get back home." I mentioned.
"Dinah has one," she mentioned with a smile. "We can go over to her place and pick it up."
"Really, at four in the morning?"
"When it's a reasonable time." She answered. "Then will record it." She smiled.
"You know, I'm actually excited about this one. Scooter will love it. I can feel it." I said. This song will possible be one of my best ones yet. It'll be a great way to start off my album. "I woke up and something told me to go write my feelings out, and since I feel relaxed, I can just let my emotions flow." I expressed, meeting Normani's gaze.
"It's so ironic because we were just talking about how you should wait," she commented. "Now look at you, recording your first song."
"I haven't really thought about my album today, just the song. Maybe it'll just all come together at the end. I'm not trying to think too much on it. I just want to get back to writing and when it's all done, the album will be in created." I said excitedly.
"What do you plan on you're album being about?" The darker girl asked.
"You know, just what I go through with love, family, Camila." I mentioned. "So people actually know how I feel and that I'm not this person the media portraits me to be."
Normani smiled at my words. "I'm excited for you."
"Me too. Excited to change."
Her eyes widened and she grinned. "I'll be back." She disappeared into the room, and I could hear her going through some papers.
She came back with a folder, papers hanging out of it, and sat it down on the counter. On the folder, in bold print, had said SHOULD OF MADE IT SONGS.
"What's this I asked," looking at how thick the folder was.
"Songs that didn't make the album." She chuckled.
"I'm pretty sure they're good," I commented.
"They're my best songs yet, but the label doesn't want it on my albums unfortunately. They don't think it'll "sell"." She said, rolling her voice. "This one is my favorite though." She said handings me the crumbled paper.
Yo, I had to reinvent, I put the V in vent
I put the heat in vents, man I been competin' since
I look beyond what people sayin', and I see intent
Then I just sit back and decipher, what they really meant
Cherish these nights, cherish these people
Life is a movie, but there will never be a sequel
And I'm good with that, as long as I'm peaceful
As long as 7 years from now, I'm taking my daughter to preschool
Cherish these days, man do they go quick
Just yesterday, I swear it was o' six
Ten years ago, that's when you proposed
I look down, yes I suppose
All things go, all things go
All things go, all things go
I feel one minute, yeah we got it then it's gone
While we keep waiting for a moment to live for
So can't nobody ever tell me that I'm wrong
Cause I'mma ride I'm with you still the night is young
We keep goin', we go, we go, we go
We wake back up and do it all again
We know, we know, say fuck the world, we ridin' 'til the end
When all is said and done, look at what we've become
I just want you to know that I did it for you
Let me make this clear I'm not difficult, I'm just about my business
I'm not into fake industry parties, and fake agendas
Rock with people for how they make me feel not what they give me
Even the ones that hurt me the most, I still show forgiveness
I love my mother more than life itself, and that's a fact
I'd give it all, if somehow, I could just rekindle that
She never understands, why I'm so overprotective
The more I work, the more I feel like, somehow they're neglected
"Mani," I said softly, in shock at how different this was from what she was singing now. "This is amazing. How did this not make the album?!" I asked, appalled by how the label did her wrong.
"Wasn't 'good enough' for them." She said using air quotes.
I selected a random one from the pile and began reading it.
I would tell you that I love you tonight
But I know that I've got time on my side
Where you goin'? Why you leavin' so soon?
Is there somewhere else that's better for you?
What is love if you're not here with me?
What is love if it's not guaranteed?
What is love if it just ups and leaves?
What is love if you're not here no more?
What is love if you're not really sure?
What is love?
What is love?
Tell myself I wouldn't cry when you're gone
But I know it's easier said than done
Look at me, look at me, choked up now
Try to tell you but it won't come out
What is love if you're not here with me?
What is love if it's not guaranteed?
What is love if it just ups and leaves?
What is love if you're not here no more?
What is love if you're not really sure?
What is love if it just ups and goes?
I can't live without you (I can't live without you)
I can't live with you (I can't live with you)
What goes around will come right back around, you won't know 'til it hit you
We were supposed to be (an empire)
We were supposed to be (an empire)
We were supposed to be an empire
What is love if you're not here with me?
What is love if it's not guaranteed?
What is love if it just ups and leaves?
What is love?
What is love if you're not really sure?
What is love if it just ups?
"How the hell did this not make the album?!" I proclaimed, handing the paper back to her. "You're fucking amazing at songwriting, I'm pretty sure all of these are amazing."
"They are, but they want me to be this sexy girl and talk about fucking people all the time and fucking people up. Like, they want me to be a hard, badass girl, but I'm really not. But, anything to get my voice out there." She frowned.
I turned towards her in my sit. "No, no, no," I shook my head. "If you don't like what you're putting out, you gotta tell them. This is your album, and you are putting the time of day to be working on it. Sometimes you gotta say no Mani." I explained to her. "You are crazy talented and you're only showing the world half of what you can do. They need to know what you can really do."
A smile grew on her face and she awed. I opened my arms and brought her into a hug. Once we released, I looked her in the eyes. "If you love what you do, you will tell them what you want on your album." I told her softly.
"Now," I said, raising my voice a bit. "Who is What is Love about as well as All Things Go?" I asked.
She chuckled. "This guy. He was my producer and I was in love with him. Like in love. Then, we just fell out. One day he just stopped talking to me and I was so confused on why. We fought everyday, and then I figured out I wasn't someone he wanted to spend his life with."
"Fuckboy."
Normani looked up and laughed. "What?"
"Fuckboy, he fucked with you, while he was with someone else." I informed. "Someone like Zayn."
"No," she laughed. "He was nothing like Zayn. We were actually together. We were together for like two years and he broke up with me, just to get with this other girl a month later."
"Wow, that's terrible."
"All things go," She said making a reference from her song.
"Have you dated anyone else?" I asked.
She nodded. "Yeah, but I told him it would be best for us to be friends. I wanted to focus on my music. It was hard juggling a relationship and working at the same time. He was totally understandable about it which was cool."
"Are you planning on dating anyone?" I asked, lingering my words.
"Why do you ask?"
"Because, you're smoking hot, I'm surprised you haven't been talking about anyone to me." I mentioned.
"Maybe I'm just keeping quiet about my relationship." She smirked.
"So you are in a relationship?" I arched my brow and asked.
"I'm kidding I'm not." She laughed.
"That's a shocker."
"It's a shocker that you aren't in one."
"Because guys are fuckboys." I huffed. "Justin isn't, but I just couldn't really handle him."
"Don't you like girls?" She questioned.
"Girls are hot."
"Then find a girl. Simple as that. Maybe you'll find one that likes you back." She winked.
"Haha," I fake laughed. "Keana was one, but I couldn't handle her either. Plus these recent girls I've been talking to, they don't interest me really." I shrugged.
"You've been talking to people?"
"Just one girl, but she's not someone I want. She hasn't really met my qualities."
"What are Lauren Jauregui's qualities?" She laughed.
"Someone who is funny, can make me happy, laid back, fun, and someone that is just drama free and care free. For both girls and guys." I explained.
"That wasn't too bad," she said. "I thought you were going to say someone who is hot and likes to sing and shit." She paused and looked at me, holding back a grin. She started laughing and I shook my head. "I'm kidding."
"I hate you sometimes."
"You love me." She said, making a kissy face.
We eventually stayed up, and it was around the time for us to go grab a guitar from Dinah's house. I threw on some jeans and a tee shirt and grabbed my favorite pair of glasses before we left.
"You look so mysterious." Normani commented, in the car.
I looked over at her. "Is that a compliment?"
"Sure." She giggled.
"These glasses just make me look badass."
"Which you are not." She replied quickly. "But I'll let you think that." I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted. "Badasses don't pout like children."
I rolled my eyes and uncrossed my arms, exhaling deeply. "I love messing with you," she laughed, hitting her palm against the steering wheel.
We got to Dinah's house and she opened the door. "Look who didn't lie!" She said jokingly.
Normani rolled her eyes and pushed Dinah out the way. "We came because we need to borrow your guitar." She told her.
"For what?"
"We made a song and we need to finish it up." She told her.
"Sure, let me go grab it." She said, heading to a room, that had music records hanging up.
Normani turned around and looked at me. "Didn't know it would be that easy." She whispered.
"I heard that," Dinah said once she came back, handing her the guitar. "I shouldn't even let you use this." She added on.
"Well, Lauren is." Normani mentioned.
Dinah took the guitar back and handed it to me.
"What are you guys doing today?" The Polynesian asked.
"Nothing, just making a song." I answered.
Dinah's eyes widened and she smiled. "Sounds like fun!"
"Where's a music store at around here?" Normani asked, sliding her phone in her pocket.
"I would tell you but..." Dinah started, rocking back and forth on the heels of her foot.
"Yes, you can ride with us." Normani said annoyedly. "Can you just tell us where one is?" She whined.
Dinah laughed, "not to far from here, I'll show you guys." She mentioned.
Moments later, Dinah rode with us to a local music shop. I suggested that we grab a few more things, just to make the song a little better.
Dinah stayed with us for the recording process and it we finished hours later. We started during the day and finished at almost eight o' clock. I wanted the song to be perfect for Scooter.
"This sounds amazing," Dinah commented once I finished playing the track.
"Finally, a finished song." I said happily. "This is a first song in a couple years that I actually like." I said in shock.
I haven't had a song that I loved ever since my last album. This is such an amazing feeling. I forgotten what it actually feels like to be proud of yourself.
"This causes for a celebration!" Dinah cheered.
"Yeah guys, we should go out." I mentioned looking at the two girls. Normani made a face at me. "I promise, I won't get out of hand. We just need to have some fun while we're on this trip."
"This is fun." Normani mentioned, placing her hands on her hips.
"I mean adult fun. Go party, dance, have some drinks. Especially since this is actually a song I like." I persuaded.
Normani looked at both me and Dinah. "Fine," she said after a minute of thinking. "But no getting out of hand. I don't want you sick."
"I promise." I smiled.
We all went out to a night not to far from us and I did my best not to drink. It was very tempting to have more shots, but I managed to not go to crazy with the drinks. As for Normani, I'm pretty sure she was a bit drunk.
"Normani, slow down on the drinks!" Dinah laughed, watching her down her fourth shot.
"I don't get as drunk as Lauren," she winked. "Don't worry, I'm fine. That was my last one." She said waving her hand dismissively.
Normani's eyes widened when she heard her song. "Lauren!" She said excitedly. "Come dance with me!" She said dragging me to the dance floor.
Me and Normani danced along with the rhythm of the song. It was always a fun time dancing with Normani. Especially when she was drunk.
Normani turned towards me and pulled me into her. She bit my ear, and I gasped a bit. "Mani," I chuckled, placing my hands on her hips.
"Oops." She pulled away, biting on her finger.
"It's okay, I just wasn't expecting that." I chuckled, rocking back and forth with her as a slower song began to play. "Thanks for helping me with the song it means a lot."
''No problem," she answered, her chin resting on my shoulder. "Thanks for letting me."
We danced together and throughout the night, she was a bit frisky. Her hand would grasp my backside or she would bit my neck.
"Are you okay?" I chuckled, pushing her off of me.
She nodded and said she was ready to go. I furrowed my brows and she said she was tired and that tomorrow was our last day here and she wants to get up early.
I nodded and grabbed Dinah away from this guy and we left to drop her off.
"We'll probably stop by tomorrow," Normani told her once she got out the car. "Bye!" She waved, rolling the window up.
I arched my brow before driving off. "You okay?" I asked, noticing her squeezing her thighs together and biting her lip.
"I have to pee."
I shook my head, and drove off. She tapped her fingers frantically and shook her knee.
We finally got to the door of the hotel room, and as soon as I opened it, Normani crashed her lips onto mine, and I was taken by surprised.
I pushed her off of me and looked at her. "Well, that was interesting," I said breathlessly.
"Lauren, I seriously like you. Like I'm crazy about you," she said, grabbing my face and pulling it towards her to kiss me. "I want you."
"You want me?" I said pulling away.
She nodded. "So badly."
"Weird, cause, I want you too." I replied, feeling like a burden was lifted off my chest.
She smiled and I reciprocated, finally crashing our lips together. I slid her jacket off her shoulders and threw it on the floor without breaking the kiss. I placed my hand on her hips, pulling her into me.
I laid her down on the couch, and hovered over her. I threw my sweater off and immediately kissed her neck. She rolled her hips, and quiet moans escaped her mouth.
Her hands fumbled with the button on my pants and she unzipped them. She slid her hand under the cloth and her hand rested on my core.
I pulled her hand away, and kissed her shoulder as well as her stomach. I hovered over her core and looked up at her. She brought my face up to hers and attached our lips together. Our tongues collided and then she pulled away.
"Wait," she said breathlessly.
"What's wrong?" I asked curiously, wondering if I was moving to fast.
"I have to sneeze," I rolled my eyes and watched as she turned her head and sneezed. Just as I was about kiss her again, she sneezed.
"Cmon mani," I laughed, throwing my arms down.
"I don't know what's happening, this has never happened before." She laughed, then sneezing once again.
"Bless you." I laughed, shaking my head.
"Thank you." She laughed. We waited a few seconds and then we got back to it.
Afterwards we ended up falling asleep in each other's arms on the couch.