Today is a good day to die
I opened my eyes. It was bright outside. I stood up.
I heard footsteps walk closer to the bedroom door and I froze. The door opened and I saw Damien walk up to me. He wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him.
"You're okay now." He whispered.
"Did you guys kill her?" I croaked. He sighed and didn't answer. I took that as a no.
"Let's head downstairs, okay?" He asked. I nodded and we both walked to the kitchen. The whole group being in one house should feel really crammed, but this is more like a small mansion. It fits all of us and we could have way more people if we need to.
"Melissa..." Rick sighed and hugged me. I hugged back.
"Where's Carl?" I asked. He wasn't there when I woke up this morning.
"Right here." Carl said. I turned around and hugged him. Damien walked off with rick, and the group continued to do their own things.
He hugged back, but not very tight. Just loosely wrapped an arm around me. I let go of him and looked at him. He looked anywhere but in my eyes.
"You okay?" I asked. He sighed and nodded, hurrying off. I shrugged and walked over to Judith, picking her up. She cried and squirmed around. I quickly put her back on the ground. I crouched down to her level, but she looked at me and cried.
"What's wrong baby?" I asked.
"Dad-dy!" She cried. I picked her up, almost dropping her once because of how much she was squirming, and brought her outside to rick.
"She started crying when I walked up to her... She called out for you so I brought her here."I said. He took her in his arms and she continued to cry when she looked at me.
"Okay, thanks." He said. I nodded and walked off, hearing her cries soon stop. I decided to go into the washroom. I looked in the mirror. I do look different. My longer hair, my black eye and I was skinnier. I sighed. I was coated in blood and dirt. I grabbed a water bottle and a washcloth. I poured water on the washcloth and rubbed it on my face. The dirt and blood came off, revealing my very pale face. I'm usually more tan, but I guess a month and a half of behind tortured with no going outside will do that to you. I pulled up my shirt sleeve and looked at my arm. The cuts are faded a bit by now. I sighed and looked at the wall.
I need to stop. I need to stop having feelings. For good this time. I honestly feel nothing anymore. My mind takes me to dark places sometimes. I enjoy killing the walkers, I want my mother dead, I just need to push everyone away. I won't hurt them when I do die. I dropped my arm back to my side and walked out, putting my hair up. I ran into Carl in the hallway. He looked at me, then quickly looked away.
"Sorry." I mumbled as I walked down the hall. I walked over to Kayla. She ignored me, too.
"The hell is wrong with you people?" I asked her.
"What?" She asked. "Oh, I'd ask Carl." She smirked.
"You didn't... Not again..." I pleaded. She shrugged and walked off. I turned around and walked back up the stairs. I opened the door to mine and carls room.
"Please tell me you didn't." I said. He looked up at me.
"What?" He asked, standing up.
"You kissed her... You kissed Kayla, didn't you?" I asked. He looked down. I bit my bottom lip and shut my eyes, sighing.
"I'm sorry, Melissa... It was just sort of a 'you were missing and I needed someone there for me' kinda thing... I'm sorry, Melissa..." He said. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"This is the second time that I know about...and I keep forgiving you, Carl..." I whispered.
"I swear it didn't mean anything, Mel-"
"Like hell it didn't... Carl, you wanna know the one thing that went through my mind when I was taken? Even through every beating? It was getting back to you. I needed to and now that I did I... I wish I didn't. I wouldn't have to deal with your bullshit anymore..." I said. His eyes went dark.
"No... Melissa please trust me. I love you, Melissa..." He pleaded. I looked up at him.
"Do you?" I asked.
"Yes!" He grabbed my hand.
"Are you in love with me?" I asked. He looked confused. "There's a difference." I said. He didn't say anything.
"Are you in love with Kayla?" I asked, whispering so I didn't cry. I can't cry. Not anymore.
Again, he didn't say anything, just looked up at me. I removed my hand from his.
"You can't do this all the time. I'm not just some toy you can use when you're bored. You either love me, or you lie when you say you do. I forgave you so many times, Carl... I don't know if I can this time..." I mumbled.
"Please, Melissa... Please..." He whispered, close to tears while I was keeping a straight face.
"Make up your damn mind! You either want me or Kayla, and it seems to me that you fucking want her! Go ahead, see if I care! You are a fucking bipolar bitch who I can't stand to even look at anymore..." I said, turning around to walk out the door. He grabbed my waist and spun me around to face him. He was crying.
"What about all those times you said you loved me?" He asked through tears.
"I do love you but-"
"Then don't leave..." He pleaded.
"I do love you BUT you don't love me. I'm not even sure I know what love even is..." I mumbled and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
I found Kayla and walked up to her. She turned around and I punched her in the face. She fell to the ground.
"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I began to cry. She stood back up, holding her jaw.
"What the hell?!" She yelled.
"Take Carl! Were done! He's all yours, bitch! But don't come crying to me when he fucking leaves you like he did me!" I shouted. The group came around us, Carl was in the back, his head down.
"What's going on?!" She asked me.
"You fucking kissed Carl, AGAIN! But go ahead, you can have him because he doesn't love me anymore, he loves you! I hope you're fucking happy!" I yelled. She tried to punch me, but I caught her hand right before it hit my face. Everyone looked shocked.
"Hey, hey, hey! STOP!" Carl yelled. I looked at him, dropping Kayla's fist.
"No, why don't you! You can't just wake up one day and love someone else, when you supposedly love someone already! I regret the day I ever fell for you, Carl! If I knew how much you used people I would have just left you alone all together. You told me you loved me, but you love someone else. But go ahead and take her. I feel nothing anymore." I said and walked off.
"I don't love Kayla! I love you, Melissa!" He shouted. I chuckled darkly and turned around.
"You have some damn nerve, boy. You know what happens when you mess with a Dixon?" I taunted and walked up to him. My dad held me back from doing anything to him.
"What the hell happened to you, Melissa?!" Damien asked. I looked at him.
"I don't even know anymore... I don't know anything anymore." I said and walked off.
I mean, I might have overreacted just a little bit, but Carl kissed my best friend. He lied to me every time he told me he loved me. Sure, he loves me, but he's in love with Kayla. There is a difference. Kinda like how I love Damien, but I'm in love with Carl. I love Damien in sort of a brotherly kind of way, but also like a best friend. He saved my life multiple times. But I thought I was in love with Carl. I remembered a quote I was told when I was younger:
'Be in love; don't fall in love. Because everything that falls gets broken.'
I wish I listened.
+++
"Was I not good enough?" I asked myself in the mirror. I looked at myself through the cracks of the mirror. If I didn't have my dad then...then I'd already be gone.
But maybe if I was gone it'd be easier. You know, he won't have to worry about me anymore, he won't have another mouth to feed, he won't have to protect me, it'd be him against the world. He'd probably like it better that way, anyways.
I could hear rick and Carl arguing. I sighed and grabbed a broken peace of glass from the mirror.
This should be sharp enough...
Maybe I'll bleed out and die. Or maybe I should throw myself into the walkers. At least then I'll feel something.
I traced the piece of sharp glass on my arm lightly.
Do it. Nobody will miss you. Your life is just a huge mess anyways.
"Shut up!" I yelled at the voices in my head. I threw the piece of glass at the wall. "I won't! I won't!" I screamed.
I saw carol run in, followed by Damien.
"You have to forgive Carl Hun... You know he loves you..." She said. I looked up at her.
"I've never done anything like this to Carl... Why would he do something like that to me?" I asked. She sighed. I stood up and walked out. This is my breaking point.
This is where I go dark.
~~two weeks later~~
"Just jump. The walkers will take down the house when they hear any of us anyways..." I said. I was standing on the roof, looking at the nearby walkers. I sighed.
In just two weeks, Carl and Kayla got together, I've become a danger to myself, I'm avoided, I'm always in my room. people have constantly came up and checked on me, but never tried talking to me. I've decided that maybe I should just end it.
Everybody will be able to stop worrying about me, I'll be able to stop worrying. It's a win-win situation. This roof has to at least be a good sixteen feet. Really tall. Enough to kill me
"Today is a good day to die." I mumbled, honestly scaring myself.
I walked over to the edge of the roof. I looked down and noticed I still had my locket on. I ripped it off and threw it onto the ground.
I put my arms out to my sides, feeling the cool breeze against my skin. I shut my eyes and smiled.
I'm really going to be happy for once.
I began to lean forward, about to drop, when a voice called out.
"Please, don't!" The person yelled from the roof. "You honestly don't want to..." The persons voice cracked.
"I'm sorry..." I said before walking closer to the edge of the roof. "I do want to..." I said before letting myself drop.
I never fell, though. I felt arms wrap around my waist and bring me away from the edge of the roof. I let tears fall.
"What did you do?!" I screamed, turning around and seeing Carl. The group was behind him, shocked looks on their faces.
"You were about to kill yourself!" He screamed.
"Why would you care, anyway?! Maybe that's what I wanted!" I yelled, tears began to roll down my cheeks. "For a long time..." I added.
"Why would you want to?!" He yelled.
"Don't even get me started on that! How did you even find me?! I wanted to die. I wanted to be happy again but you took that away from me!" I yelled. "Nobody loves me! Nobody even cares about me! I might as well become a walker!" I shouted.
"Melissa, we love you..." Dad said.
"Yes because when you love someone you ignore them for weeks. Hurt them. Make them feel worthless. Fuck you. Fuck all of you!" I cried. Carl walked up to me. I pushed him back.
"Get away from me! I hate you! I hate you..." I closed my eyes, calming myself down.
"You were really going to do that to me? Kill yourself? Hurt me?" Carl asked. I picked up the locket and threw it to him.
"I was doing it for myself. For all of you. I'm obviously just some psycho bitch that will end up killing all of you! Just let me!" I cried.
"No." Rick said, walking up to me and hugging me. I cried into his chest. I dropped to my knees, him coming down with me.
"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." I repeated. He rubbed my back and shushed me. I continued to say 'I'm sorry' until I felt myself drift off to sleep.
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Woah what even is this chapter
Yea so that happened...
Okay so it's late so vote comment and yea Byeee