[05]
here we were again. it was so silent, all i could hear was the faint sound of cars on the next street. no cars ever come down this road around this time. not that i've seen anyways.
it was cold again, this time i was properly dressed. a warm coat and scarf, i had mittens in my pocket incase my hands got cold.
i had jonghyun's scarf in my left hand. i was waiting for the right moment to give it to him. i didn't know when but i wanted to say something.
how?
do i say thank you? do i hug him? all these thoughts took over my brain before i just stuck out my arm with the scarf in my hand.
he reached out for it, taking it and sitting it in his lap.
"i wanted to say thank you, jonghyun." i said. i had the intention of smiling but i didn't.
"your welcome, corina."
i saw a pack of cigarettes sitting beside him. he took out a cigarette and a lighter and lit the cigarette.
before he brought it to his lips, i asked him something.
"could i have one?"
he froze for a second, before turning his head towards me. "why?"
"because i-"
"no."
he took a puff of the cigarette and i watched as he smoked.
i'm not sure what came over me. i've never thought about smoking. i instantly regretted what had happened and mentally slapped myself. why couldn't i have just kept my mouth shut?
he finished his cigarette, and sighed. "these," he held up the box, "they kill you."
"then why do you have them?"
he shrugged, looking away. "i don't really care about the lasting effects. i just want a release."
"so do i!" i said, my voice raising.
i felt tears brimming at the corners of my eyes. once a tear fell down my cheek, i started shaking.
did my parents ever think about the lasting effects they have on me? how i feel?
jonghyun's expression dropped, i noticed and got myself together.
i sat back in the bench and looked at my lap. "i'm sorry for yelling."
he scooted closer to me. our legs touched. "no, it's my fault."
he took the scarf on his lap and started to wipe my tears away. "it works just as well as tissues. correct?"
i smiled. "i suppose."
he smiled too, which made my heart sink down to my stomach. "have it, everytime you cry, you'll have this."
he stood up. "goodnight." he said, before leaving.
i smiled. he made me smile. something i haven't been able to do for a while.