Raura [ON HOLD]

Yeah

Yeah. That's all Ross texted back when I sent: Goodnight <3

I am so mortified. I feel as if I'm drowning. I can't help thinking that Ross just wanted to you know..do it with me and then toss me aside. I can't bring myself to believe it, but that's how I'm starting to feel.

Why was I so stupid?

How could I just give myself to him like that? Ugh.

I guess I just...I love him. He's the love of my life and I know that now. Even if I'm not his...he's mine.

I'm gonna talk to him today. I didn't even sleep last night and just spent the whole night reliving what we did, what he looked like. He's so beautiful. Too beautiful.

I get up and get dressed.

By 11 am I walk out the door and into my sister's car.

I drive to Ross' house and sneak by his window instead of knocking on the front door.

I throw a rock at his window and in a few moments he appears at the windowsill.

Once he seems me, his eyes change into...fear?

What's going on?

He signals for me to wait and I nod.

In a few minutes he's standing next to me outside.

"Hey." He says.

"Hey." I say.

"So what's up?" He asks.

"You tell me," I start, "You seem really weird Ross. Please tell me what is going on?"

"I..I can't."

"Ross..I swear if you don't tell me right now I'll kick your ass." I say.

"Fine!" He says, running his hands through his hair. "Just...ugh just come here!"

He pulls me into the garage and into his yellow Lamborghini.

He locks the doors and says, "The truth?"

"Yes."

He sighs and licks his lips. "Okay..but please promise me that you'll listen to me before you say anything. Please."

"I promise."

"Okay..." He starts, "It all started the day after the family gathering. Mom was acting strange..as if hiding something..."

Oh no. Does he know what she said to me? I don't want to come between them...

"So I asked her about it and she said..."

"What?"

"She said that... Court...my ex is coming back from Australia..."

"So? I don't see what is going on.."

"Laur..knowing that Courtney was coming back.." He says hesitating.

"What?"

"Well.."

"Just say it!" I say.

"I started to have feelings for her again."

My heart stops.

"So what? What does that have anything to do with anything?" I choke out.

"I didn't want feelings for her, so I did whatever I could to prove to myself that I was over her and I didn't need her."

"What'd you do to prove it?"

"I...I had sex with you. I did it to tell myself that I had a relationship with you already and I didn't need her.."

"You used what we did as...as proof?" I ask, tears brimming in my eyes.

"Yes..." He says, looking at me with sad eyes.

"And?" I ask.

"And...Laura it didn't work. I... I still love her. There's no way I'm going to change that. Of course I love you too..."

"But you love her more." I finish for him, a tear escaping my eyes.

Stormie was right. Ross never loved me...he.....he was just using me to try to forget about Courtney.

"Laura please understand. I never had any intention to hurt you.."

"But you did. And I'm not going to sit hear and listen to your bull shit any longer. I guess we're done."

I manually lift the lock to open the door and the car's alarm starts to go off.

Smooth..Laur..smooth.

I get out and run outside.

"Laura!" He calls.

"No! I never want to see you again!"

He catches up to me and grabs my tear filled face with his hand.

"Laura...I am so sorry..."

I spit in his face. "Get away!"

I run towards the garage door. Before leaving I look back at him and say, "Goodbye. Forever."

As I'm running down the lawn outside, I keep looking back at the stupid garage. I stare at it for too long and I accidentally run into someone.

"Sorry." I mumble. As I get up and wipe my eyes.

"Oh, it's okay." She says.

I look up at her and she's gorgeous.

Tall, brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin, pink lips.

"Hey? Have you been crying." She says, and wrinkles form on her forehead.

"Yes...but it doesn't matter why."

"Of course it doesn't. What matters is making you feel better." She smiles.

"I'm okay." I say.

"Okay well...here's my number." She says, "If you wanna hang out later and talk about it...I'm there."

"Thanks."

"I'm Courtney by the way." She says, smiling.

My heart stops and tears brim my eyes yet again.

"I'm..out of here." I say and run to my car.

Once inside, I see her run to the garage, with the still beating car alarm.

Oh my god. She was here already. He...he was probably just with her in his room...he lied to me...and right now they are probably making out in that garage...

I start crying again. "Fuck you Ross! Fuck you!" I scream inside the car.

I start driving down to my house.

Wow..Courtney seems really nice. Damn it. I wanted to hate her so bad. It isn't her fault though. It's his. I hate you Ross.

He made me believe that I had a chance at being loved but who would love an orphan... Not even their own parents love orphans. I guess I just have to accept it. The only love I have is my sister.

I'm never loving anyone again.