Chapter 11: Breathe
I'm back in New York. I don't really want to be here knowing my parents are dead. I know I shouldn't really care since they barely ever paid any attention to me. But for some reason, I just, do. I don't want to care. It's driving me crazy! I've been back for about a week and all I've done is stay up in my bedroom with Alison and cry. I've been cutting again. It's summer and I'm wearing long sleeves all the time. Shouldn't that make Taylor suspicious? Maybe she just doesn't care. Today she told me she's going to the courthouse to legalize the adoption. I am kind of excited. But I don't want to ruin Taylor's career. She says I won't ruin it, but let's be honest, she's going to have a 15 year old daughter. I'm going to do something to ruin her career. It's that simple. Alison is next to me on my bed. Dibbles, merebear, and Alison get along really well. I'm so happy! Well, for the cats. Not me. I got out of bed and decided to go downstairs. I rarely ever do that anymore.
"Hi Hayden!" Taylor said.
"Hey"
"What do you want to do today?"
"Nothing. "
I went into the kitchen to get some breakfast.
"Come on!! Let's have a shopping day or something!"
"Fine!"
"Hayden, I know this is hard for you, but you can't just stay up in your room forever!"
"What's the point in coming down? I can't Breathe without them!"
"Hayden, you have to. "
I grabbed a pop tart and ran back to my room.
"I can't breathe without you!" I screamed up to the ceiling.
"But I have to. " I whispered.
I ate the pop tart and got on my social media accounts. I've been trying to avoid them. All people do is petty you. They leave all these comments and I don't want to read them. Finally the comments have slowed down. I posted a picture of Alison on Instagram saying "my beautiful girl is now in New York with me! Don't know where I'm going after this summer, but I'll find out soon".
I got off of my bed again and went into my closet. I have to wear short sleeves today since Taylor is taking me shopping. I got out my white shorts and blue tank top. I'm going to have to cover the cuts. Good thing I have make up! I went into my bathroom and put my hair up into a messy bun. Good enough. Now make up. Same routine I usually do. Now to cover the cuts. I put foundation on my wrist and blended that out. Then I put concealer on top and blended that together. They look as covered as they're going to get. Not too noticeable. Good. I slipped on my silver flip flops and went back downstairs.
"I'm ready!" I yelled.
"Yay!!! Let's go!"
I followed Taylor to her car. I hate how people always surround us. I don't mind the fans, just the paparazzi and haters. They really annoy me!
"The first stop is Starbucks!" Taylor squares once we got onto the road.
I groaned. Don't get me wrong, I love Starbucks, just not today. But oh well. I'm tired enough since I've been crying all night the past week. Coffee might help. I ordered my usual vanilla bean frappé and Taylor got her usual skinny vanilla latte.
"Where to now?" I asked after our Starbucks stop.
"The mall!"
Oh great. The mall. Lots of people. I'll just have to suck it up. Like Taylor said, I can't hide forever! But I do want to! Very bad! And I guess fame is going to be my life now that Taylor is going to legalize the adoption today!! Wow, the feeling just hit... I'm going to be Hayden Swift! The daughter of Taylor Swift! I silently squealed.
We walked into the mall. It's crowded, great.