ANGELIC KISS (ENG)

Mariam woke up around ten in the morning and saw a flood of new messages from Salome: 

— please come to my house! 
mom is calling for you and wants to see you 
she’s very sick 
she’s almost delirious 
she’s trying to say something but she can’t 
will you come? 

Mariam got dressed in an instant and rushed out toward Salome’s house. 
“What happened to her?! Salome should be at school right now! Strange… very strange, something serious must have happened…” 

Mariam entered. Salome opened the door for her and silently pointed toward the living room. Horrible, agonized moans echoed throughout the house. The scent of tobacco and vanilla coming from Salome hung in the air, mixed with the sharp smell of bleach. The sick mother of four daughters lay sprawled across the couch, its sheet stained with blood. She coughed violently, more blood appearing each time, then slipped back into painful groaning… then finally noticed the guest in the room. 

— Mariam!.. Mariam!.. Come closer… — she cried out. — Let me at least look at you… I’m dying, Salome! Thank you for calling the ambulance, but it won’t help me anymore. I’m going to die! Damn cancer! 

Mariam looked at her in confusion. 

— Lord have mercy! — the mother breathed heavily. — So this is the end of my life. Mariam… the first time I saw you with my daughter, I thought you were doing something indecent. Don’t be offended with me, and besides… in an hour there won’t even be anyone left to offend. My whole life I kept trying to find enemies, to find danger. The second time, when I was walking down the street and saw you together again, I got angry, but then I hid behind a tree where you wouldn’t notice me and started watching. Mariam, I’m amazed by how warmly you treat my daughter, how much you love her! You are such a bright soul. May God bless you! Salome started disappearing from home, but lately I stopped worrying because I knew she was with you. Recently I found your photograph on her table and stared at it for a long time, and my heart suddenly felt so warm! I know you’re much older than you said, Mariam. I know you haven’t been sixteen for a very long time like you claimed when we first met. You’re ten, maybe even fifteen years older than my girl. You took her under your care, under your protection, showed her the real world instead of the cage we live in here. You brought happiness into her life… I noticed she started smiling strangely often lately, laughing in the evenings. And those perfumes you bought her yesterday! The whole room suddenly became sweet because of them… 

Ten-year-old Mariko woke up and ran to her mother in tears, only vaguely understanding what was happening. 

— Mommy! — she cried. — Hold on! Everything will be okay! 

Right after her, the little toddler woke up too and toddled over on her tiny legs. 

— My poor girls, my poor girls! — the mother kissed her daughters. — Bring me Keti too, she’s still sleeping there in her cradle… I want to kiss her goodbye too! 

Mariko went into the room and brought back the youngest one, only a couple of months old. Now all four daughters lay together on the large dusty couch. 

— Don’t lie down here, there’s blood here!.. — the mother could no longer lift herself up and could only caress her daughters with her hands. — Such gentle girls! Mariam, do you know how gentle they are? I’ve noticed so many times how Mariko, who started her eleventh year this January, sets alarms for six in the morning, sneaks over to Salome’s bed and sleeps curled up at her feet! I don’t know how she even fits there, she twists herself up like a cat every time, and I watch them in the mornings when I go to wake them up and my heart melts! Mariko spends the rest of the morning kissing Salome’s feet, clinging to her, practically climbing all over her. She’s growing up, yet she stays so affectionate! And the two youngest are so adorable too! Mgela is in her third year now, and Keti… I only just carried her into this world! My God, they won’t even remember their mother… 

Everyone in the room except the mother remained silent. Mariko writhed in hysterics, choking on her tears with her head pressed against the couch. Salome sat quietly crying, trying not to show it. Mgela and Keti cried too, clinging to one another without really understanding what was happening. Mariam sat in a chair the entire time, staring intensely. She wanted to say something — anything — but no words came to her at all. She waited for the woman to finish her confession. 
“Though… what if by then it’ll already be too late?” 

A bright ray of sunlight unexpectedly shot through the low barred window that morning and lit up the room. 

— I was a bad mother, — the woman continued without stopping. — I tyrannized them too, punished them harshly sometimes, wouldn’t even let them leave the house, deprived them of simple childhood joys. I was especially strict with the older girls. I even beat them. Please forgive me! I constantly lashed out at them, screamed at them, hurt them, while they always stayed together and found comfort in one another. I damaged their fragile minds, but only because I didn’t want any of them to grow up into a ruined person like their father. Your father is a horrible man! — she turned to her daughters, breathing heavily between sobs. — He disappeared because… because… he killed someone! That’s why! His brother, that monster who recently got out of prison, killed a neighbor together with him! They had no motive at all — just cruelty, hatred, and some senseless personal spite drove them to it. Maybe their whole family truly is cursed. I was afraid of your father and obeyed him silently. He threatened me, kept me trapped! And now that he’s been arrested again, and hopefully will spend the rest of his life in prison, I can finally say there is no forgiveness for him and never will be! Never meet him again, never even call him! He never loved girls, he tormented them horribly — far worse than I ever did. Everyone would be better off if he disappeared from this world forever! 

Mariko sat up and began crossing herself the way a priest had once taught her as a child. On Salome’s face, meanwhile, appeared a look of absolute horror. 

— God… how much time do I have left? Maybe I’ll die this very minute, maybe in an hour, maybe I’ll spend the whole day rambling in delirium! While I can still speak: my daughters, don’t be afraid, everything will be alright for you, grow up healthy and kind! Today your aunt will move into this house. She’ll become your guardian, she’ll replace me. When I woke up, I texted her and warned her I was dying. She’s not a bad person. She’s older than me, worn down by life and suffering. Maybe she isn’t gentle, but at least she isn’t cruel! She’ll try to love you! Don’t disappoint me, my children, please! I’ll watch over you from heaven, checking whether everything is alright. I won’t leave you alone! From hell, or maybe from heaven if I’m lucky, I’ll still check whether you study well, whether your room is clean, whether you’re happy or sad, whether you still love each other just as much… 

— I won’t disappoint you, mommy! — Mariko cried through tears. 

— Me neither… — Salome said quietly, placing her hand over her mother’s heart. 

— Mariam! Take care of my eldest daughter, your dear friend Salome! Always come into this house whenever you want! Everyone here will be happy to see you! Do you see the way she’s looking at you with those gentle greenish eyes? Take my girl, please! Walk with her after school, care for her! I know you love her — with a pure, innocent, heartfelt love! O-o-oh… It’s so hard, my chest is crushing me, everything hurts terribly, death is creeping closer, and yet my soul feels so light, so peaceful! Ahhh! That’s it, the end! So close now. They’re carrying me away, I’m flying! I must already be somewhere in the air, flying already, and yet I can still speak and think like a human! My soul has already separated from my body! A-ah! Have mercy! It still hurts, let me go! I won’t fly any farther while it still hurts! 

— You raised wonderful daughters. I’m glad you found peace. Rest in peace, goodbye! — Mariam said during the final moments of the woman’s life, holding her hand while tightly embracing Salome with the other arm and wiping the tears from her face. Somewhere nearby, Mariko was still rubbing herself against them. 

The mother spent four minutes in complete delirium, and on the fifth she fell silent and breathed out for the last time in her life. For a little while longer her heart kept beating by inertia, but when the ambulance arrived, the medics could do nothing except pronounce her dead and take her straight to the morgue. A ringing emptiness remained behind. Only Mariam was left in the apartment, trying somehow to hug and comfort all four girls. 

— Mama… they took mommy away! — little Mgela cried. 

Mariam stroked her with intense movements from the top of her head down to her waist. Mariam folded over the part of the blanket that was soaked with blood and lay down on the couch. The newborn crawled over to her, climbed onto her, and stared with tiny infant eyes like little buttons. Salome and Mariko sat off to the side, pressed close together. Mariko, still red-faced and trembling from tears, leaned against her sister’s hair and asked: 

— Why does it smell so good? Is that from you? 

— Yeah, — Salome whispered back, — Mariam bought it for me. 

And so they all remained together on the couch until lunchtime, until the aunt arrived. 

— Do you want me to stay the night? — Mariam asked Salome once she had calmed down a little. 

— But your flight to Germany is tonight, and tomorrow you have the concert in Berlin! 

— I’ll cancel the tickets, the trip, and the concert. Just tell me to stay! 

— But… I can’t do that, I know this is your first concert abroad, you waited for it so much, prepared for it. How can you throw everything away now? 

Mariam laughed softly. 

— You’re so empathetic! Yes, of course, you’re right, I waited for it a lot, but can any trip really be more important than you? You need help! And your little sisters too — they really are as gentle as your mother said… Think about it! Because if I leave, we won’t be able to see each other for four days! 

— Thank you… But you really should go home and pack. Better come see me in four days. Have a good trip! 

They said goodbye, Mariam kissed Salome on the cheek, and left. 

Mariam burst into Emi’s apartment anxious and restless. Walking downhill, wrapped in the light pre-spring breeze, she couldn’t help drifting into thoughts about the miserable fate of that unfortunate family. 

“If only I could forget all of this,” she thought. “How horrifying it felt to hold the hand of a dying woman, knowing Salome is left without a family! And the fact that her father is a murderer… How is she supposed to endure all of this?” 

A flock of rooks flew across the sky. 

“It’s like a funeral procession,” Mariam imagined. 

— Emi, — she called as soon as she stepped through the doorway, — come here, I’m back! 

Mariam brought the sterile smell of bleach, blood, and perfume into this home as well. 

— Did something happen? — Emi asked. — You rushed off somewhere this morning looking really nervous, and now you came back all disheveled and exhausted… Where were you? 

— Emi… Salome’s mother died. Right in my hands. 

A look of horrifying shock flashed across Emi’s face. 

— Give her my condolences, — she answered, not really knowing what people even say in situations like this. 

There were only a couple of hours left before they had to leave for the airport. Mariam and Emi quietly and carefully packed their things together, only occasionally exchanging a few words about subjects unrelated to the tragedy. 

— Did you finish packing your suitcase? — Mariam asked once she was done. 

— Almost. I just need to grab my toothbrush from the shower and then I’m ready. 

At that moment Vazha walked in. Mariam opened the door for him. 

— Well hello there, my sweet little candy girl! Come here! — Vazha kissed Mariam on one cheek and then the other, and for the first time she felt the touch of his poorly shaved stubble against her skin. — Packed your little suitcase? What about Emi? Where are we flying? To Be-e-erli-i-in! 

Suddenly Mariam felt a nasty, twitching coldness crawl across her skin. She wanted to tell him: “Could you behave a little more appropriately? My friend’s mother just died!” But she kept it to herself, deciding not to disturb Vazha or burden him too much before the trip. 

— Yeah, I packed, — she answered instead, — and Emi will be down in a minute. 

Meanwhile Emi, lingering pointlessly in the shower, thought: 

“Berlin… Fleya is suffering there in that clinic right now. Damn it, somehow we have to get her out of there! But she’ll never abandon her idea and leave on her own. I looked it up online: the security system at the laboratories of the ‘Innovatsion’ clinic is unbelievably strict, people say it’s one of the most secure places in the world! We won’t be able to break in there! What are we supposed to do, how are we supposed to save her? And I still haven’t told Mariam about any of this… Maybe I should? No, not now, she’s already in shock after everything that happened today. If she finds out what they want to do to Fleya, she’ll completely fall apart!” 

Emi picked up her phone and called Fleya… only dead ringing tones. 

“No,” Emi whispered, “no, no, please, not what I think it is! She must be in surgery to have her wings cut off… she told me about it yesterday.” 

— Are you coming out anytime soon? — Vazha stood outside the bathroom door. — We need to call a taxi already! 

An old foreign car painted yellow and black drove them to the airport. It was dark and damp outside, and huge letters above the terminal entrance glowed with cold white light. Mariam, Emi, and Vazha stepped inside. Crowds of tourists moved through the building, bumping chaotically into one another near the check-in counters, while outside the windows airplanes roared, took off, and landed. 

— Damn it, we arrived right on time! — Vazha grew anxious. — Come on, let’s hurry to the counter! 

— Relax, calm down a little! — Mariam replied. — We’ll definitely make it, we even have some time left. 

They passed passport control, found their gate, and sat down on a bench, occasionally stumbling into careless tourists dragging huge suitcases. 

— By the way, why a night flight specifically? That’s inconvenient, — Mariam asked. 

— I just had things planned for today. Honestly, I’ve always felt more comfortable flying out at night! That way the flight doesn’t interfere with anything or ruin the day’s plans. 

— Oh please, what “things” did you have to do? Vazha, don’t lie! Take a bath? Now that’s what I call important business. 

— Actually no, I was moving synthesizers around. And don’t say things like that, I can get offended too! 

— Sorry, I was joking. So you were dragging synthesizers around again? — Mariam laughed. — You were doing that yesterday too. 

— Yeah, yesterday I moved them, today I rearranged them again. Nearly broke my spine, by the way. 

— I’m not surprised! You should at least eat more. You look like a skeleton sometimes, I genuinely wonder how you still function. 

“Boarding has begun for flight A9-781 Tbilisi — Berlin…” the loudspeaker announced. 

— Let’s go get our seats! 

The airplane shook in the air. Mariam sat by the window, staring silently outside. Through the porthole she could see the night city slowly disappearing, glittering with lights, then fields, empty roads, scraps of mountains, and finally the earth became completely indistinct: only a thick, murky layer of clouds remained several kilometers below. 

Mariam hardly said a single word during the entire flight except: “Could I have a glass of water, please?” when the drinks were being served. 

She rested her forehead against the cold glass, sank into the darkness, and thought. Thought for a very long time. Terrible images still crawled through her mind. 

“How am I supposed to perform tomorrow? I won’t even be able to pick up the guitar, the memory of that horror is still too fresh… I won’t be able to make a single movement! Even here, inside this roaring airliner, I can still hear those moans, that coughing, those children crying. I can’t do it! I wish the plane would just turn around and fly back to Tbilisi right now. I’d tell all these concerts to go to hell, I’d go kiss Salome’s hand and comfort those poor children. I should have stayed! How is she now? I should call her… no signal. Right, I’ll call as soon as we land… And what am I supposed to do with my own life? There’s so little time, and all my friends are going through terrible periods now. Salome, Emi, Sophie — they’re all suffering. And Fleya… Right, I almost forgot about her — what’s happening to her there? And on top of that I still have the band, concerts, releases, Vazha, who constantly has to be pleased. Endless darkness…” 

Emi nervously jerked the tray table up and down, while her own thoughts spiraled into chaos: 

“Mariam… Mariam! Say something to me, tell me how much you’re suffering — why are you always silent? I truly feel sorry for that girl, even though we barely know each other. All this time I was jealous of her, even angry at her, but she absolutely deserves a friend like that… And Mariam still doesn’t even know about my grief. Fleya! What if she dies there…” 

The only calm person was Vazha. He sat beside the aisle with headphones on, listening to some kind of criminal chanson music and nodding his head along. 

And so, while Mariam and Emi replayed the same thoughts over and over in their minds, and Vazha replayed the same songs in his, several hours passed. 

It was already after midnight when the flight attendants announced: 

— Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed at Brandenburg International Airport. Please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until the aircraft comes to a complete stop and the seatbelt signs are turned off. The temperature in Berlin is zero degrees Celsius with light rain… 

They stepped outside, sat on a bench opposite a huge glass building full of travelers and bright light, and waited for a taxi. The air was slightly frosty. 

— God, how I missed European air! — Vazha declared dramatically. 

— We breathe it every day anyway, — Mariam replied. 

— No, this is a completely different Europe! Everything here feels so spacious, monumental… A couple years ago I got invited here to Berlin and actually lived here for several months… — Vazha’s story was interrupted by the arrival of the taxi. — I was producing some German metal band. “Kuss Satans,” they were called — “The Kiss of Satan.” Hardcore guys, actual Satanists too. I didn’t mind though, I had a great time with them. Eventually we split up over some creative disagreements. I barely even remember anymore. I just remember flying to Hollywood afterward to see my father. 

— And did you charge them money too, or did you work for free again? 

— No, I charged them. Not much, but still. 

The car stopped outside a luxurious five-star hotel in the center of the city, with a German flag waving on the roof. Inside, everything was decorated in an extravagant luxury style, almost royal. An administrator showed the guests a long elegant dining hall, guided them through a spacious bar and lounge into a spa area with a huge empty swimming pool and countless saunas, then took them upstairs in the elevator and opened their rooms: a separate room for Emi and a shared one for Mariam and Vazha. 

Emi immediately dropped onto the unbelievably soft bed after taking off her clothes, trying to ignore the aching pain in her soul and fall asleep as quickly as possible. 

In the neighboring room, Mariam lay down in the same bed as Vazha. Even though Vazha was only twenty-seven, Mariam immediately noticed an old-man smell coming from him — the kind middle-aged men in their forties or fifties usually carried when they didn’t take proper care of themselves. 

— So this is how you organized everything… — Mariam said with amazement. — You know, I’ve never lived in conditions like this before. I honestly don’t even know what to think… 

— You’ll get used to it. Soon you won’t be able to accept anything except five-star hotels! 

Mariam turned away from Vazha, said nothing, and lay on her side. 

“I don’t know why, but I feel so uncomfortable here…” she thought.