XVI. MAYBE IT'S FOR THE BEST?
Thirteen days later, at dusk, on a fashionable street glittering with neon signs and bright lights, one could see Mariam and Elvin walking arm in arm. Mariam looked at him with loving eyes; he looked at her without any emotion, calmly, only coldly noting her beauty:
— You’re so beautiful today. Your hair is styled so beautifully, your lips, painted with lipstick, shine so brightly, your huge black eyes… Mariam, what have you done to me! I can’t take my eyes off you anymore!
Mariam smiled flirtatiously in response:
— You too… — she said, — you shine as always.
They walked forward, toward the river. For some reason they were going to the other bank, but by now they had already forgotten why. They passed a small jewelry shop, where the owner was calling out to passers-by:
— Don’t miss out! We have the most premium jewelry! Discounts in honor of the upcoming Valentine’s Day…
They stopped.
— Hey, maybe we should go in? — Mariam suggested.
— Sure, why not, there’s nothing else to do anyway. Although this shop is probably more for laundering money from careless tourists.
They went upstairs and entered a large hall glittering with diamonds.
— Let’s buy matching rings, Elvin? Just as a symbol of our love, nothing serious. I like that one, look — Mariam pointed at a small metal ring with a heart.
— Is that really your style? — Elvin asked, examining it in his hands. — I feel like you’re more into complex, interesting things. This one is kind of too simple, isn’t it!
— Alright, let’s look at others. You choose then, but for Valentine’s Day I’ll pick a gift for us, okay?
— I don’t really like this shop, and I’m also broke. I’m a designer, do you think I’d like anything here?
— You’re broke? What about the money from yesterday’s performance at the bar?
— Well… I decided to save it for the future. Two hundred lari for some tiny ring is very expensive.
— That’s not two hundred lari for a ring! That’s two hundred lari for me, for you, for us! Fine, I won’t insist, let’s go down.
Mariam walked slightly dejected and hurt, but didn’t show it. “Is he really that stingy?.. I wonder, when the band blows up and we become rich, will he still be like this?”
When they crossed the river, Elvin called out to her:
— Hey! Are you upset? Sorry, just in case.
— No, it’s nothing… — Mariam replied. — Just thinking. I really do love you, Elvin. I understand everything, but I’ve long dreamed of us wearing matching rings.
They went down to the embankment. The sound of the muddy river could be heard in the evening light, and the air was so fresh. Mariam sat there imagining how wonderful it would be to go on a river journey:
“In a beautiful boat, Elvin and I at the front, Emi, Sophie and Fleya behind us. We slowly float through some beautiful place, surrounded by untouched nature, forests, or even better—mountains…”
Later at home, late at night, when Mariam had fallen asleep, Elvin came across an article by some trendy independent journalist on Instagram:
“Why it is important in today’s globalized world to reconnect with one’s culture and homeland?”
“Interesting…” — he thought, read it, then put the phone down and fell into thought. — “I never wanted or planned to stay here! Yes, I like it here, but back in Ireland it’s much better.”
He recalled the landscapes of his small hometown on the seaside: the fresh ocean breeze, green meadows, the luxurious stone house of his family resembling a small castle, the way he used to cycle from town to the sea in the evenings.
“I want to see my sister on her birthday. I’ll sit in my room and work on the sewing machine, and on weekends I’ll go to Dublin. I had so many friends in Dublin! Yes, I ended up in the wrong place… It happens in life: you’re texting a girl, she invites you to her country, you stay, and you find yourself already with another girl who, apparently, truly and passionately loves you, and, worst of all, has some intentions toward you. I was thinking with my heart… no, even with my dick, to put it more correctly, not my head! I need to buy a ticket home tomorrow, stop lying, pretending, playing these games… Yes, it’s cruel, but better this way—better in two months than after years of living together, marriage, a family. She won’t forgive me. She loved me, but I can’t do it any other way…”
Elvin woke up and said goodbye to Mariam in the morning:
— You know… I’m sorry. I’ve decided to go back home. I made that decision last night—it will be better for me this way. We’re young, everything is still ahead of us… you deserve more.
— What? — Mariam heard the words but didn’t understand anything.
He took a taxi to the airport, and a few hours later he flew on a flight to Dublin, never stepping on Georgian soil again in his life.
Mariam sat in Elvin’s short-term rented room, which she would have to leave the next day. At first she remained in a state of shock, without emotions or feelings, only a heavy emptiness inside her soul. She sat there trying to do something monotonous, like snapping her fingers or making repetitive nervous movements with her leg. That was usually something Emi would do.
“Emi…” — she thought. — “I’m sorry. I have no other choice now except to go live with you again, to keep burdening you, to keep pressing on you.”
Mariam opened the wardrobe: Elvin’s things were already gone, flying somewhere high above Europe, neatly packed in a suitcase. She began randomly pulling everything out of the wardrobe and laying it on the sofa, and found a photo album with her pictures and the inscription “My dearest love,” which Elvin had given her for her birthday. She opened it and started looking at her own photos with sweet captions.
“He didn’t even keep it as a memory…”
Tears began to rise—one, then another—and within minutes she was already in hysterics, screaming loudly, not words, just releasing her voice as if trying to break out of a cage. Then she fell silent again, sat in silence, and then, choking on tears, began repeating:
— How could you? How could you?.. Yesterday you were hugging me, kissing me, telling me I was the most beautiful. I believed you… I loved you. Why did you lie to me? Why didn’t you take me with you?! Do you remember how we talked at the cafe about our future together? You said… that you wanted to go to Ireland, that you would take me with you and we would buy a big house by the sea… like your parents have. Why didn’t you even offer it to me? Why didn’t you say anything at all? Why? Why?
She wiped her tears slightly, washed her face, but she was still red, swollen, constantly gasping and twitching. She took the photo album, a lighter, and a bottle of water, and went outside, wandering through the alleys of the Old Town, trying to find an empty lot, flinching away from every passerby.
She turned toward the bridge and met a stylishly dressed fourteen-year-old girl who stopped and said:
— You’re from “ANGELIC KISS,” I know you! I really like you, can I take a photo with you?
Mariam stopped, looked at her in confusion, hugged her briefly, smiled, and replied:
— I’m sorry, I feel really bad… I have problems. Message me later, I live nearby, okay?
The girl nodded, said goodbye, and walked away in the opposite direction.
Mariam crossed the river, found a small forested clearing, broke branches, and made a fire. She burned the album, watching the photographs slowly turn into ash, crying and smiling at the same time, cursing Elvin in her mind, and feeling a strange sense of relief after everything had burned:
“Maybe it’s for the best…”
Mariam returned to the empty room, packed her things—but not all of them, only what she could carry in both hands and a small bag. She left the keys in a drawer in the hallway and left the house.
She walked toward Mtatsminda, still swollen and sobbing, still in emotional chaos. The steep uphill climb was especially painful for her: she whined with every step, her body seemed like it would give up at any moment, and her legs felt like they were falling apart. She felt inexplicably ashamed.
“No, he should be ashamed!” — she interrupted herself. — “Maybe I won’t disturb her too much? And even if I do, she won’t admit it to me. Fine… I just need to get there, I’ll think later about what to do…”
Soon she arrived at the small wooden house that had once been familiar, and walked into the hallway without knocking: the door was unlocked. In the kitchen, Emi was eating and talking with Fleya:
— These strawberry pancakes are so delicious, I love your pancakes, they’re amazing!
— Thank you, I tried, — Emi replied with a smirk.
Mariam stood in the hallway, listening in shame, still unnoticed.
— I think I’m actually really good at singing, — Emi admitted. — I genuinely enjoy it. People love me! I’m always happy when I hear enthusiastic reactions after our shows, when I read the comments under our posts.
— I’m really happy for you, Emi. Honestly. It’s just a shame I can’t share that happiness. If I’m born human in my next life, I’ll definitely be a rocker!
— Do you believe in reincarnation?
— Not really.
— You don’t mind that I talk about the band so often? It’s just that it’s growing so fast—we already have sixty thousand fans, and two weeks ago there were barely a thousand. Our video in the temple blew up across the internet, and now the whole city is talking about us. People even recognize me on the street. And everyone writes to us: how beautiful it is, how bold it is, and only a few comments are mocking or criticizing.
— No, of course not, I’m really interested!
Emi looked around and saw Mariam frozen in the hallway, standing there with a sorrowful expression. She silently walked into the kitchen and sat down on an empty chair.
— Mariam? Did something happen? Why are you so sad? — Emi asked.
— Can I live with you again for a while? — she asked timidly.
— Of course, this used to be our shared home anyway. But why? Aren’t you with Elvin?
— He left me, Emi.
— What?..
— He flew back to his home country today. I found out this morning. When I woke up, he was already packing his things. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even say a proper goodbye. He just left me alone in an empty room that I now have to move out of. And yet he promised me that we would save up more money and leave together, that we would get married, that we would spend our whole lives together. What an idiot I was! He never loved me, never! He was the meaning of my life: yes, it’s stupid, but when I met him for the first time back then, in that bar, I lost my head. I kept thinking about him. Thinking how to help him, how to make his life better. I was constantly worried when he poured out his soul to me, telling me how hard everything was. I thought it was all genuine, but he apparently just found a pillow to cry into, wipe his feet on, and move on. He was always closed off, he hid so much, he was never as calm and cheerful as he seemed when we were with the group. As soon as he felt better, as soon as I saw life in him, as soon as we… it worked… he ran away! I guess I was suffocating him too much, I ruined his poor life with my care and love!
Emi quietly listened to Mariam’s words and hugged her from behind.
— I think he should be ashamed, Mariam. He acted disgustingly.
— Yes, but maybe he’ll feel a bit of shame, forget about it, find someone else in Ireland, live a comfortable, carefree life there, while the unhealed wound in my heart… may never heal.
— It will heal, — Emi assured her. — It will definitely heal.
— I hope so too. We were talking about marriage, Emi! I still can’t believe it all ended so fast and so stupidly… Yes, I hate him now instead of loving him, but at moments today I forgot that I hate him. I was walking to the forest to burn his gift, and I kept getting lost in thoughts about him, thinking: maybe we still have a chance, maybe he’ll come back? But even if he does, I won’t be able to see him anymore anyway.
— He lost such a treasure as you. Believe me, you deserve better.
— How is Sophie? Have you visited her? — Mariam asked, changing the subject.
— She’s recovering, but she’ll stay in the hospital for another two weeks. We visited her about four days ago. She’s moving in a wheelchair, her leg is in a cast.
— I’m glad she’s recovering. I should visit her soon. Emi, let me stay on the first floor, and you and Fleya can stay upstairs, so I don’t make you uncomfortable, especially since Sophie will be back soon.
— You can stay with us upstairs.
— No, I’ll stay downstairs.
In the evening, when the orange sunset spread across the mountain, Emi and Mariam were sitting at their once-favorite spot, the path five minutes from their house with a panoramic view. They sat together, holding hands and embracing.
— We haven’t been here in a long time, — Emi said.
— Yeah… it’s like the past two months never happened. Like it’s November or even October again, and every evening we come here together… I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never met him…
Mariam kissed Emi’s hand. Mariam, such a strong and big girl, at that moment looked like a small, helpless animal that cannot live without affection, and no longer cares from whom it receives it.
“Why am I doing this?” she thought. “She really does love me…”
Mariam and Emi fell silent and sat there, clinging to each other. From a nearby house, resembling a small concrete box with boarded-up windows, a girl came out—a short-haired brunette about 165 cm tall, with messy makeup, wearing a hoodie with an image of Nana Osaki from the anime “Nana,” ripped black baggy jeans with some print, a shoulder bag, lots of rings and chains; her face looked completely, almost painfully childlike. “She looks really cool for her age,” Emi thought. “At her age I wanted to dress like that too.”
Mariam met the girl’s gaze.
— Hey, wait! — Mariam shouted in Georgian.
The girl stopped.
— Wasn’t it you who came up to me earlier today?
— Yes, — the girl said in surprise. — Do you live here too?
— Five minutes down the road. And you—are you in that house over there? — Mariam asked, pointing at the “concrete box.”
— Yeah.
— What’s your name?
— Salome, — she replied shyly. — I already know you: Mariam and Emi.
— Do you listen to our music? — Emi asked.
— Yes. Can I speak to you in Georgian?
— Sorry, I only know English and Russian. How did you find out about us?
— It’s okay, I’ll try. First I saw your video on TikTok, and it immediately caught me—I was amazed by how beautiful it was: both the concept and the sound… Then I looked you up in more detail, listened to all your songs, found out you’re from Tbilisi and that you perform in clubs. But it’s such a shame I can’t go there—my parents would never let me! I was so surprised to meet you… It’s strange we’ve never crossed paths before, we’re literally neighbors.
— Thank you, — Mariam said, taking Salome’s hand. — That’s very kind of you! We only moved here recently, since the beginning of autumn, maybe that’s why we haven’t met before?
— Yeah, maybe. I hardly ever go outside, only to school, or when my parents send me somewhere. I’m not allowed to just walk around, and I don’t really have anyone here anyway. Sometimes I go sit in the yard and draw—I really like drawing. Today I finally went out for the first time in a long while because my father ordered me to bring something to my uncle, and that’s where I met you on the way. I felt so awkward!
— I like drawing too, — Emi added. — I’m an architect, or rather a student, a future architect.
— That’s so cool! I mostly draw people, outfits, sometimes landscapes. I want to study fashion design in the future.
— How old are you? — Mariam asked.
— I’m fourteen.
— I’m twenty-four, so ten years older than you. Honestly, I haven’t talked to teenagers in a very long time.
— I hope that won’t stop us from becoming friends?
— Of course it won’t!
— Great! Anyway… I was sent to the shop for water and bread, I need to go, because if I’m late, my father will start yelling at me like always. Will we see each other again?
— Yes! Don’t be afraid of your father, message me if anything happens. Here’s my contact.
They exchanged usernames, hugged goodbye, and Salome walked away downhill.
Mariam, after parting with her, thought back to herself at fourteen.
— I was completely different… — she said to Emi. — Kind of awkward, clumsy, an insecure village girl. I had no internet, no fashion, no cool rock bands forming under my house. She’s interesting. I really wish I could be her friend.
— Yeah, she’s cute, — Emi replied.
A couple of hours later at home, Mariam lay alone downstairs in the living room, on a large sofa covered in dried dirty stains. Emi was sitting alone in her room upstairs. “Is she really going to stay alone up there all the time?” Emi worried. “Does she not want to talk to me? Did she come here only because she has nowhere else to go? Not because she needs me, just a bed and a place, right? And where is Fleya? Fleya has been disappearing a lot lately and doesn’t tell me anything…”
“Ah, Emi, Emi…” Mariam thought, staring at the wall and studying the pattern on the dirty wallpaper. “She’s upstairs and hasn’t even come down once in two hours, not even to the kitchen. She’s probably talking to Fleya or thinking about Sophie. Well, I’m not angry at her at all—just as long as she’s not upset with me.”
— Fleya! — Emi shouted when she saw a glowing pink head in the window. — You’re back!
— Hi, Emi!
— Why have you been leaving so often? You disappear for whole days and don’t even say anything. Did you find yourself some god-friends?
— No. Do you remember that turquoise god we met at the temple when we started climbing Kazbek? I remembered the task he told me about: to meet different people and try to remember their faces. So I’ve been trying to fly around all the houses nearby, just observing—I find it interesting! Today I saw a girl, she was nice, dressed almost like Mariam and slightly resembled her, but much younger. I flew into her house, stayed a bit, and got scared: the father was shouting, tyrannizing them, hitting small children… I flew away, then visited an elderly couple who seemed calm, then in the next house there was a small boy watching TV… Anyway, I walked around a bit more and came back.
— Why are you doing this?
— Actually… I want to become human. I’m planning to fly to Germany or the Netherlands, where medical innovation is advanced, and tell the local clinics. Maybe they’ll think about the problem and in a hundred years find a solution. I’m also a biological being—I just need to be studied, and it will work! But before that I want to see how humans live in general.
Emi was stunned by Fleya’s words.
— But that’s very dangerous!
Meanwhile Mariam received a notification on her phone: new messages from salome.x.x.
— hii
I ran away from home
— you’re crazy 😮 — Mariam replied.
want to meet?
— yes
— Kote Meskhia 8
come here
that’s my address
— will it be just us?
— yes
— I’ll be there in 5 min