5
For the past few days I been staying at my dads in one of the guest bedrooms. I don't plan on staying here for long but for now it's a place to sleep.
I walked down stairs seeing that I was the only one home. I pulled my phone out hooking it up to the speaker then put my music on shuffle.
It's a certain way you make me feel,
I go crazy over you boy
I know I'm on your mind after what happened last night
And I don't wanna hit your line even though you are on mine
But your so fine I want your time
Can't hide how I feel , so I call and imma tell him through the phone
I got some tricks up my sleeve , I wanna do some freaky things
And I want you to do some freaky things to me
Boy this is round 2 boy sit back and let me please you
My legs up on your shoulders but this time lets take it slow, baby I wanna feel it, have my legs up on the ceiling
I sang at the top of my lungs but was interrupted once I heard somebody clear there throat.
I snapped my head to see Javaris , Mook, their friend Travis and Yung standing there smiling at me.
"Why y'all looking at me like that" I asked turning the music off.
"You can sing" Travis smiled.
"Thanks I guess" I shrugged
"That song was inappropriate as hell" Mook said glaring at me. He already is one of those over protective ass brothers but he's real cool.
"I'm not 12 Mook" I laughed.
"Wait I have a very serious question" Travis said.
I looked at him signaling for him to continued. "Y'all fucked" He asked looking between me and Yung.
"No" Yung and I answered at the same time.
"Wait so you mean to tell me y'all knew each other that long and ain't fucked not once" Travis asked.
"Nope, we kissed and I ate" Yung said smirking at me.
I glared at him, that was not something they needed to know.
"So your a virgin" Javaris asked.
"Nope" I mumbled grabbing my phone.
"What you mean nope" Mook asked.
"I was umm... Raped" I said softly
It always bothered me that my virginity was taken forcefully it wasn't something that I was able to treasure. I couldn't save it for the one I love, all because of my mothers boyfriend.
"Next subject" Yung said noticing how uncomfortable I was.
--
I sat on the front porch looking around the dark streets. I sighed leaning back just collecting my thoughts.
I used to always worry about what would happen to me next, but I learned to stop worrying... Worrying was just making things worse, it caused me to try and prevent the negative things, but it always just led to more bullshit.
Bullshit... I also came to realization that I need to leave all the bullshit in my past to move on to happier place in my life. But bullshit seems to always find its way back into my life. It makes me question if I'll ever have happiness.
Happiness... That isn't a word I use often because I'm far from it and never experienced what it felt like. But I always told myself to get through the bad days to get to the better ones.
A lot of days I just wanna give up and end my life, but then that wouldn't give me the chance to see what my future will be like. Then again the suicidal thoughts run through my mind but every time I tried to attempt, something stops me, I just haven't figured out what it is yet.
"What you doing out here" Javaris asked sitting down next to me.
I shrugged leaning forward resting my elbow on my leg then placed my chin on my hand.
"Just thinking" I mumbled.
He nodded looking around the street. I looked over at him and finally took in his features. He was brown skin his skin looked so smooth, his lips were pink and plump and his smile was everything, his eyes were brown and his curly hair fit him just right.
Curly hair? "You cut your dreads" I gasped touching one of his curls.
"I been cut them sweetheart, your very late" He chuckled licking his lips.
"How didn't I notice" I asked. He shrugged then looked back at the street were a few people came walking down the street.
"Yo J, my nigga" One of them shouted with his hands up walking over to us.
"Wassup Trent" Javaris said dapping him up.
"Hey there beautiful" Trent said grabbing my hand. I quickly snatched it away.
"Hey" I smiled.
"Oh shit attitude, okay my bad" He said.
I chuckled lightly shaking my head. "This your girl" He asked Javaris.
"Nah, just a friend" Javaris shrugged.
Trent nodded "Well I'll catch up with you later" They gave each other dap.
"Bye lil bit" Trent said.
"Bye" I waved before walking into the house.
--
I hate you
You were a mistake
I should of aborted you
Your worthless
You ain't shit
"London, London wake up" Somebody shook me.
I jumped out of my sleep breathing heavily. My mothers voice kept replaying in my head.
"You okay"
I looked to my left to see Javaris standing over me "Um...Yeah I'm okay"
"I'll be in the living room if you need anything" He started walking out the room.
"Wait" I accidentally called after him.
"Huh" He asked turning back towards me.
"I don't wan- never mind good night" I said turning over.
"You don't wanna be alone" He finished my sentence.
I shook my head, I soon felt the bed dip in and Javaris pulled me closer to him. Soon I drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.