Its Not Sane
Hey guys sorry I've been inactive I've been busy, and I had writers block but I'm back and better/ well maybe not better but at least I'm still writing! AND THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR 197 reads. *This chapter is dedicated to the band Blind Melon 💚
It's been a day since I've seen Ray and that's a record, for the past month I've spent every hour with him, I deserve a day to myself.
I've decided to take my grandparents out and sincerely apologize and maybe buy them some cake, since my birthday is in a month I want to make sure we're on good terms so they can get me a pager.
"Thank you Susanna, I really appreciate this considering your rude behavior", Gramps said as she sat down.
"I'm really sorry again", I said I've been apologizing the whole ride to the restaurant.
Gramps took a seat beside gram giving me a dirty look,"Okay, here's the menus", he spoke distributing the menus.
My grandparents didn't say a word to me the whole time we were there, I felt invisible.
***
Once we arrived home we parted our ways, we didn't say anything to each other.
I started to doodle a bit on my book when I heard the phone ring.
"Hello?", I spoke holding the the phone with my ear.
"Hi", he hoarsely said
"Ray?"
"Yeah, go outside", he said quietly. M
"Ray... We need our space"
"Just come outside", he demanded.
****
I walked out the door and saw pieces of roses leading down the dirt road, I sighed and followed the trail. After a few minutes I finally arrived, I saw Ray sitting down on a blanket with a rose and a basket full of lunch.
I walked up to him, "Ray? What's this..?"
He looked up at me and handed me a rose, "here"
"Ray... Why'd you do this?", I asked quietly.
He leaned back and grabbed his guitar and started to play.
🎶You say you want me, you gave me thing I didn't want, a torched angel with the devil out of sight, drowning in a chest of green leaves, sometimes it hurts sometimes it saved me, destination always closer than we see, still sleeping with fire, still holding you here in my arms, still reaching for something I can't find, and baby I remember those years🎶
"Susanna, I love you and we should be together", he said softly holding my hands.
"Ray... We can't", I whispered taking my hands off of his.
"What do you mean we can't! I made this Lunch for you, I've practiced this song a million times and I hand picked this rose! What do you mean!?", he furiously said.
At that moment I was speechless, why was I so distant, I clearly liked him, "We just can't", I said.
He started to get misty eyed and flopped himself back down on the blanket, saying nothing. I climbed back towards him and laid beside him, putting my hand on his stomach and my head in his armpit.
"I used to hate everything, I mean everything, I hated myself, I hated what I became, I wanted to die", he said quietly facing the sky.
"I know, I know", I briefly said.
For an hour we just laid there, "cuddling" and listening to the radio.
***
🎶All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watching the puddles gather rain, and all I can do is pour some tea for two and speak my point of view but it's not sane.🎶
That was the song that made me realize, why are we just laying here loathing ourselves? When we could do something productive, or just plain stupid.
I lifted up the blanket, spilling our lunch. I ran with the blanket saying, "You're never gonna catch me!"
"What are you doing?", he asked while getting up.
"Im having fun! Try it!", I screamed.
He started to chase me throughout the field, after minutes of running he finally tackled me to the ground. "Gotcha", he exhaustedly said.
I let out a little laugh, "Finally!"
We looked at each other. I could tell that he wanted to say something. "Please don't say what I think your going to say"
"I can't help it", he said rubbing my arm.
I looked at his fingers going up and down my arm. "Ray...", he interrupted me and then pulled me in for a kiss. We started to French kiss the evening sun hit our backs as it became darker and darker.
***
After kissing he went back to get the basket, he came back pulling out a condom from his back pocket. Passionately kissing me he looked dead in my eyes and asked, "Do you want to have sex?"
At that moment I felt like my head was being squeezed. "No-- I mean yes-- no", I said indecisively.
"Come on we're in love", he said kissing my neck.
"Ray, I don't want to loose my virginity at 16"
"We're in love", he whispered as he started to unstrap my bra.
TO BE CONTINUED...
AN-
Don't worry it won't get too graphic. 😂