Dangerous Life

The drive home from the restaurant has so far been filled with nothing but silence. Total silence. I can feel Xavier glancing at me every few seconds and then different emotions seem to develop on his face.

I can tell he's thinking. I'm not sure what about, or how he's feeling, but I can see him processing everything as his fingers tightly grip the cars steering wheel.

It's so quiet I'm almost scared to breathe. The airs so thin you could cut the tension with a knife.

I don't realise my fingers are still trembling until Xavier places one of his hands over them, squeezing them gently. Although his eyes are still on the dark road in front of us.

As if on instinct, my fingers intertwine with his. My heart rate slowly begins to calm down when his thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand soothingly. I have no idea what to say to him.

I open my mouth to say something - anything to break the silence. However, I close it again as soon as he looks at me and stare at our intertwined instead.

"What?" He lifts an eyebrow, his voice is soft and calm. He almost sounds amused by my lack of words.

"Nothing" I squeak quickly, praying he'll drop it.

"You were going to say something" I pull my bottom lip between my teeth, of course he couldn't drop it. "You don't have to be nervous around me Grace."

"I'm not nervous... It just..." I stutter as I try to find the right words to use. "I think I'm still in shock, it just feels different."

"Good different or bad different?"

"That kind of depends on you" I whisper. Now he does look at me, just for a second, long enough to catch my unsure gaze. "I can't tell what you're thinking."

"I'm still processing I think" he admits honestly. His gaze flickers briefly to my stomach for what feels like the millionth time tonight. "It's hard for me to believe you're actually pregnant."

"It's hard for me to believe to" I admit honestly. "I'm terrified."

"I'll make sure you have the best of everything" he states quietly. "And I'll do my best to look after both of you as well as I can. You'll just have to put up with me while I try to adjust to everything. It'll be - hard for me at first."

He pulls into the driveway and I'm grateful to see our house. That doesn't stop the words I've been wanting to say to him since the start from escaping my lips. "You always told me you never wanted to have kids, that's why I was so worried about telling you. I didn't know how you'd react."

"You thought I'd make you get rid of our baby?" I expect him to be angry but his voice is almost timid. "Or leave you?"

"I wasn't sure what to think" I answer just as quietly. I try my hardest to be honest with him when he turns the car off.

"For certain reasons because of my past and what I do - I never wanted and still don't want to have kids. I don't deserve them, I barely deserve you. But, I would never abandon you and that's not going to change now or ever. I'm not a very loving person - I can't ever see myself being a good Dad. My Dad was a useless moron, he still is, but I know you'll be an amazing Mom. You're just going to have to help me..... A lot."

"I think you'll be a great Dad Xavier" I look up at him as he runs a hand down his face.  "You're too hard on yourself, you deserve so much more than you think."

"Let's just go in yeah?" he changes the subject immediately. That makes me frown for a moment, but I know I've pushed this enough for tonight. He needs time to let everything sink in. Just like I do.

I follow him into the house and he disappears for a few minutes to his office while I walk upstairs to our bedroom. My feet are killing me in these heels and I feel beyond tired as I kick them off my feet and place them neatly in the wardrobe.

I twist awkwardly in front of the mirror as my fingers try to reach for the small zip centred directly in the hardest place for me to reach.

"Need some help?" A blush colours my cheeks as Xavier leans against the bedroom door, amusement evident in his voice and eyes.

"Please" I answer, moving my hair to the side as he steps closely behind me.

His warm lips touch the back of my neck and my breath immediately stills. The simple touch is enough to warm my entire body and the smile on his lips let's me know he felt my reaction. "I really do love this dress."

His fingers undo the zipper. They're cold against my hot skin and he goes painfully slow on purpose. He grazes them across my back until he reaches the bottom when the dress slides from my body.

I can see his eyes darken as I stare at him through the mirror. His eyes openly roam over every inch of my skin and the black lace bra and panties I'd thrown on without thinking about. "When did you buy these?"

Arnica made me buy them a few days ago. They're more showy than the others I have and the bra highlights my breast much more than I'd like. I'm already insecure about they're large size.

"A few days ago" I feel like covering myself under his burning gaze, but I know he'd just remove my arms if I tried to. "They're a bit to revealing for my liking."

"They're sexy, you're sexy" he breathes, his fingers run softly along my sides and goosebumps begin to appear on my skin. "I - you - fuck I can't even talk" I giggle at his loss of words and the sound makes him smile as he curls his arms around my waist. "You're beautiful."

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth when his hand rubs my currently flat belly. He doesn't say anything, but I know he's overthinking something in that head of his. His hand is so big it currently covers my entire stomach and I have to suck in a breath when he places another kiss to my shoulder.

I'm not sure whether it's hormones or just because we've both been to busy to spend time with each other lately - it's probably a mixture of both but either way, it makes me want him. Badly.

"You're making it very hard for me to control myself" he whispers against my skin. "Especially if you keep staring at me like that."

Is it that obvious that I'm incredibly turned on right now? I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't go from being a crying mess to wanting to rip his clothes off in under an hour.

"What are you thinking?" His gaze meets mine in the mirror and I speak before I even think about what I'm saying.

"I want you" I whisper, his eyes darken further as his grip on my waist tightens, I can see him trying to control himself as stares down at me.

"You were crying twenty minutes ago" he answers, but his lips still fan the side of my face.  I can see the evident bulge at the front of his jeans, it makes slowing my increasing heart rate more and more difficult. "You've had an emotional day, we both have. Are you sure that's such a good idea?"

"Please Xavier" I turn in his arms and wrap mine around his shoulders. His breath is hot and uneven as he stares down at me and my fingers reach under the material of his shirt. I don't know where this confident, undeniably desperate version of me is coming from, but all I want is to get lost with him. "I need you right now" I whisper, looking directly at him as my hand rubs the tightness in his jeans. "Please."

"Fuck, okay" I smile triumphantly when he places his lips over mine and the familiar heat spreads through my body from the simple touch.

His hands wonder firmly down my back and all the way to my bum which he squeezes as he pushes me carefully back on the mattress.

He stares down at me for a few seconds before he pulls the material of his shirt over his head, revealing the muscles and dark tattoos it'd been hiding. "If you keep looking at me like that, I don't think I'm going to last very long" I smile at his words and my fingers wrap around his flexing bicep when he climbs down above my body, careful to keep his weight off me.

Surprisingly, his lips move directly to my tummy first and I lie still beneath him as he traces patterns across my skin. "This is so weird for me to get use to" he whispers as his lips place slow and soft wet kisses where his fingers just were.

"Me too" I answer just as quietly and honestly. I don't think it will ever not be weird for me.

"We won't - " he looks up from my stomach and to my gaze when his fingers brush gently along my sides. "Hurt it, will we?" His voice is so uncertain - almost shy which is something I've never heard from Xavier before.

I can't stop the small smile that grows on my lips when I shake my head. "No, it's perfectly safe" he seems relieved by this and his kisses continues to rise along my tummy until he reaches my bra.

"I love this" his fingers pull the bow that rests on the middle on the material before his lips move between the valley of my breasts. "It's driving me crazy."

My fingers automatically move to his hair as I shift impatiently underneath him, unable to keep still.  He easily undoes the back of my bra and chucks it to somewhere on the floor of the room.

One of his hands take both of mine and hold them above my head as the other brings my leg around his waist. He holds me firmly in place as his lips gently suck on each of my nipples, running his tongue around slowly before his teeth softly tug on the sensitive skin. My eyes close as he repeats the action, using his free hand to massage the breast his lips aren't on and I can feel him smile when I moan, unable to keep quiet now.

His lips move away from my chest. He frees my hands when I whimper, which is silenced by his lips that fall back over mine again. His tongue greedily explores my mouth while my fingers grip his back, all I want is him and having our bare chests rubbing against each other is only exciting me further.

His eyes examine my black panties and the moisture very evident between my thighs. If possible his eyes darken further - they look almost primal and it's incredibly sexy. "You have no idea what you do to me" his voice is tight when he stares down at me again, trailing his fingers dangerously low down my stomach as my nails dig into his back with anticipation. "Tell me what you want me to do baby" his fingers brush along the band of the material teasingly, not moving any lower. "What do you want?"

"You" is all I can manage to breathe out, moving my hips with desperation, badly wanting his touch. I know he'll tease me for this later but right now I couldn't care less. "Please Xavier."

He smiles when he places his lips back over mine, slipping his fingers underneath my panties and between my dripping folds. He rubs my clit slowly with his teasing thumb as I gasp against his mouth. I've missed this, I've missed him. "You're so wet" he whispers against the skin of my ear. "You have no idea how sexy you look right now."

I whimper when he moves his fingers away, instead using them to pull the material down my legs before they move to his belt. All I can do is watch him again when he undoes the zipper of his jeans and pulls them down his long legs.

My thighs squeeze together to try and remove the ache between them as he kneels back on the bed, wearing nothing but Calvin Klein briefs that barely contain his erection when he lies back over me again. I can see him swallow when my fingers run down his torso again, brushing over his hardness softly to tease him like he'd done to me.

He grunts lowly against my ear, one of the sexiest sounds I've ever heard him make. My fingers eagerly move underneath the material, gripping his length with my fingers and brushing my thumb over his tip as he flexes into my hand, pressing his face into my neck when I repeat the action. "Grace" his voice is low, right and raw. His warm breath fans my skin as he leans over me. "God I've missed this."

My fingers pull the material of his briefs down his legs completely. He helps me pull them off as I brush his length along my wetness, hooking my legs around his waist again as he grips the pillow underneath my head tightly.

"Fuck" he breathes down at me, his eyes are wide and dark with arousal, a sight that could make me crumble any day. His hand replaces mine as my arms wrap around his neck, gasping against his skin when he enters me with little warning.

His arms rest on either side of my head to keep his weight off me as my fingers run down his back, unable to keep still as he moves slowly but deeply inside me. "Xavier" I feel like I've said his name a thousand times over, but it's the only word my brain seems to be able to register as he continues. His hairs a rugged mess across his forehead, no longer pushed back from his face and he looks beyond sexy as he tries to control himself and be gentle.

"You're so beautiful" his voice is barely recognisable and the little beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead as he stares down at me with burning eyes. "I love you" his voice is raspy and hot, a perfect mixture of pleasure and love that has me trying to pull him even closer to me.

"I love you" I almost forget my words when he hitches my leg up higher, moving deeper than before but slowing his movements. I know he's trying to be gentle with his actions and he's doing a better job at it than I am.

He groans against my neck and kisses his way along my skin. "Shit" his husky voice only creates more goosebumps across my hot skin. "You feel so fucking good" I know he's losing control - I am to. His charming lips captivate me as he whispers more dirty things against my skin that could only sound good coming from his mouth. I never thought dirty talking would be something I'd like, let alone something that would appeal to me but whenever Xavier talks like that I can barely keep myself under control. It's been so long since we've been together like this. I've missed it.

"Xavier" I can't finish what I want to say when he presses his thumb to my most sensitive spot again, intensifying the pleasure that was already driving me over the edge.

"Good girl" his thumb presses down more firmly than before and my legs stiffen around him. "Come for me baby" he instructs, looking directly at me as I cry out and dig my nails into his muscled back. He follows soon after, cursing against my skin as his thrusts become sloppier until he stills above me. His chest rises and falls almost as fast as mine.

My breathing is more like short fast pants as his lips meet my forehead and he leaves them there as he pulls out of me. My eyes close at the sudden empty feeling that overcomes me and without thinking about it I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him for what feels like the millionth time tonight.

I can feel his surprise but he doesn't ask any questions. He just rolls onto his back and pulls me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

"Are you okay?" He whispers into my hair, his fingers move softly against the curve of my back while mine trace the dark tattoos covering nearly all of the skin on his chest.

"Yes" my body is completely weak, but at the same time alive from the high I'm still recovering from. "Are you?"

"Today has gone very differently to how I imagined but I'm fine, especially after that - I'm more than fine" he kisses my forehead as I giggle. "I'll always love you, you know that right?"

"I know" I smile when he does. "I love you too."

"You shouldn't, but I'm glad you do."

*

Xavier's POV

"I'm going to tell you something because I know you'll find out anyway" I roll my eyes at Sam the next morning who leans back with his feet on my desk. He knows it annoys me and he does it on purpose. "But you can't tell anyone else except Tom."

"My lips are sealed."

"Grace is pregna - "

"OH MY GOD THIS IS SO EXCITING!" Sam stands before I even finish and moves so quickly that his chair flies backwards.

I move to push him away when he tries to hug me, but he's so small he dodges between my arms and wraps his around me.

"Okay, no more touching" I try to unravel his arms from around me but he just grins up at me like a child. "What?"

"You're going to be a Dad!" he tries to pinch my cheeks, but I swat his hands away. "I think I'm going to cry."

"Please don't" I answer, just as the door opens.

Grace walks in. She must've been at the gym because her yoga pants and tight shirt are slightly sweaty. Her hairs pulled up into some kind of messy birds nest on her head.

God she looks beautiful, even when she doesn't try.

She turns when she sees us and I try to stop my eyes from staying on her ass for to long, but it's highlighted perfectly by those tight pants. She definitely needs to wear those more often. So long as I'm the only guy around when she does.

"Sorry I look terrible, I haven't had a shower yet. Are you okay Sam?"

"I'm just so happy for you both" Graces bright eyes go wide when Sam wraps his arms around her. He really is crying and the look on Graces face as he does is priceless.

"I'm going to be an uncle for a fourth time!" She smiles at him, I'd pay to see her smile like that all the time.

"I'm getting all emotional, I can't even deal" even I smile when he sniffs and waves his hand in front of his face. "You guys just, you're so cute and now you're even cute." She chuckles lightly and pats his back. I'm glad she has him, even if he is a pain in the ass. "You know an added bonus for you is that Sam is a great name for a boy and a girl. So you won't have to worry about picking out the name."

Name? Fuck I almost forgot they'll be an actual living baby here in less than nine months. Grace always sees the good in people, in everything actually - especially in me. It's like she's blinded to seeing what a shit person I am even though I tell her everything I can about myself and what I do. She'll be an amazing Mom. I can see it now even if she can't, but the only parenting I've ever had came from an alcoholic father who intimated and abused people to get what he wanted. Plus my Mom who was all I cared about until she chose to leave me forever when I was only young. Even Noah was an asshole of an older brother. He was never around after she died and when he was it was to make sure I took the blame for all the shit he used to do. Then we'd fight until one of us was unconscious.

I don't want to be like my Father, I don't want my child to be terrified of their Dad coming home like I was. I also have no fucking clue on how to be a good parent. Good isn't even in my vocabulary. The only good part to me is Grace, but I refuse to let my childhood play over again.

She's changed me for the better so far, but she's just going to have to do it a few more times while I try to learn to be someone I never had while I was young.

Someone better.