Chapter 39
"What do you want to know?"
"I don't even know where to begin!"
"Well we have to start somewhere."
"Er, yeah, you're right, I guess."
Bucky and I stared at each other uncomfortably. He sat on the edge of the bed and I sat in the chair across from him, a valley of awkwardness between us. I shifted in my seat, suddenly feeling very hot. He ran his hand through his hair and cleared his throat loudly. Procrastination.
"So," he said finally, "how did we meet?"
"Through Steve. When he found you, he brought you back to Stark Tower, where we all moved after New York," I replied. "Well I already lived there with my brother Tony. I grew up there."
"And when did we we, uh, how did we, um, become a couple?"
I hesitated. "You want the whole, unfiltered truth, right?"
He nodded and I sighed.
"Okay, um, I wanted to go get food one day with Steve and he couldn't go and volunteered you instead. So we went and got bagels and after that we really hit it off and started hanging out more and after a while we started sleeping together," I said as calmly as I could. "And for a little bit it was just that, it was just sex, even though we both wanted more, then it became more."
"But we didn't tell anybody," Bucky said suddenly. "Did we?"
I nodded my head. "Yeah, you're right."
"Can I ask something kind of weird?"
"This is all a little weird, isn't it?"
He smiled slightly and laughed a little. "Yeah, I suppose so."
"Ask away."
"When I was younger, before the war, I wasn't all that into monogamy. I never had a relationship that lasted more than nine or ten weeks."
"We lasted a hell of a lot longer that that."
"Was I a good boyfriend?"
"Yes." I nodded quickly. "You are."
"I am?"
"Yes," I said firmly. "You're the best boyfriend I've ever had."
"Why?"
"Because you're practically perfect," I told him as though it were obvious. "You put up with my shit, first of all. And I know you probably don't remember this, but I really am a handful."
We both started laughing, and for a second it felt like old times.
"Come on, I'm sure you're not hard to deal with."
"Oh, but I am," I insisted. "I've got a bit of a temper and tend to overreact at things, but you are able to calm me down in a way nobody else can."
"You've got a temper? Take a look at who you're talking to, Cara."
"Don't say that, Buck."
"Why not?" He said sharply. "Just look at your neck."
"I've been through a hell of a lot worse than that," I snapped. "You're not the first person that's tried to kill me."
"You're just saying that."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head slightly. Without speaking, I stood up and shrugged out of my jacket. I dropped it to the ground and walked towards Bucky.
"Stand up."
He stood slowly, his hesitancy obvious. I lifted my arm and pointed to the jagged scar about the size of Fortis that ran across the center of my bicep.
"This," I said, "is from the time I was pushed off of a building and grabbed onto a broken window to avoid dying. I got a little scratch while climbing into it."
I put my arm down and moved the strap of my tank top to the side. The scar from Tony's bullet was fresh, unlike the one on my arm. I could see Bucky's confusion.
"This was courtesy of my own dear brother," I muttered. "He shot me not that long ago."
"Why?"
"Not important."
Bucky stared at me as I hiked up my shirt so that my abdomen was visible. I motioned to the large, c-shaped mark on my side. He furrowed his eyebrows and reached out slightly, but quickly drew back. I grabbed his wrist before he pulled too far back and shook my head slightly.
"It's okay," I breathed. "Don't overthink it. Don't fight it."
I placed his hand on my side, the feeling almost shockingly familiar. His face looked almost relieved as his grip gradually became more comfortable.
"What's it from?" He asked quietly, his fingers brushing against the scar.
"I went undercover at a Russian prison and got shanked."
Bucky burst out laughing the moment I finished speaking, making me laugh too.
"I'm serious! People recognized that I was a Stark and before I knew it I had a razor sharp toothbrush cutting into my side!"
He grinned at me, and I smiled back sheepishly.
"You have a nice laugh," he murmured.
"Thanks," I replied quietly.
His hand slowly crept up to my cheek, the other staying firmly on my side. I took a step back so that I was pressed up against the wall and put my hands on his back. His face inched closer to mine, never breaking eye contact with me. He smoothed my hair down softly with one hand as his mouth hovered in front of mine, dangerously close to touching. Just as his lips began to brush against mine, the door flew open suddenly, and Bucky stumbled off of me.
Sam stood in the doorway, his mouth hanging open slightly. "Sorry, I uh, I didn't realize you guys were doing that sort of thing."
I didn't reply to him, just stared down at my feet. Bucky stood there uncomfortably, shifting from foot to foot.
"Hey, man. I didn't get to formally introduce myself since you've woken up. I'm Sam," he spoke up after a moment, shaking Bucky's hand briefly. "Cara, could I talk to you outside, please?"
I nodded and walked out of the infirmary, trying as hard as I could to not look at either of them. Sam followed me out, shutting the door behind him.
"Cara," he said lowly. "What are you doing?"
I ignored him and walked into the conference room, where everyone else on the team was waiting.
"There you are. What took so long?" Wanda said, sitting up in her chair. "Wait, what's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Cara, you can't ignore this," Sam snapped suddenly, standing in the doorway behind me. "You're doing exactly what you said you wouldn't!"
"No, I'm not," I muttered, walking away from him.
"Really? Then what did I just walk in on?" He persisted, following me.
My face turned red as everyone turned to look at me. Steve rose an eyebrow at me like a disappointed father.
"What's Sam talking about?"
"He's remembering."
"What?"
I hesitated. "Not specific stuff, but he-he knows how he felt about me; how he feels about me. I-I played him the song and he knew, he knew! He kissed me and it was like he hadn't forgotten a thing and-"
"Any guy would pretend to remember being in love with a girl if she looked like you," Sam said sharply.
I whipped around angrily, and before I could stop myself, slapped him across the face. Cries of protest arose from the table being me and everyone flew out of their chairs.
"Shut the fuck up!" I yelled as Clint held me away from Sam. "You have no idea what the hell you're talking about, so shut up!!"
I ripped away from Clint and pushed him off as Steve stood between Sam and I. His face was like stone as he looked between us.
"Cara, you're right, we don't know. So compose yourself and tell us what's going on with him."
I twisted the ring on my hand anxiously, feeling like I was on the verge of hyperventilation. "I-it's like he has a trigger in his brain, okay? And this trigger makes do things the Bucky we all know wouldn't do. The guy that hacked into my system, he knew about the trigger. He knew how to turn Bucky back into the Winter Soldier. A-and when that happened he forgot everything from the past few years except for Steve."
"How would he know that?"
"I don't know, Sam," I snapped, jolting towards him again.
He jumped back as Steve stepped between us once more, glaring at me warningly.
"Sorry," he muttered.
"You better be."
"Both of you stop acting like my children, please," Clint grimaced. "You're both adults. Sam, let Cara speak."
I folded my arms over my chest and glared at Sam before continuing.
"I have a working theory," I said. "But it's a little ambitious."
"At this point we'll take what we can get," Steve muttered.
"Okay, who would know how to flip this switch or whatever in Bucky's brain when even he wasn't aware that such a thing existed?"
Silence surrounded us after I posed the question. Suddenly, Wanda's head popped, up her eyes wide.
"The people who created it."
I nodded slowly.
"But that's impossible, right?" Scott piped up. "Those people would've had to be in their late thirties to sixties or even older during World War Two. They'd be dead by now."
"Unless they were also put on ice," Clint pointed out. "Hypothetically."
"Okay, so in this hypothetical situation, Hydra freezes one of their scientists from the 40's along with Bucky, to be woken up when he's woken up and to what? Keep him in check?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows together. "I find that hard to believe considering they'd never shown up before. I mean I'd never seen this dude before. Don't you think that when Bucky and Steve met up after SHIELD fell he would've showed up and made that switch flip if our theory is true?"
"Cara makes a good point," Steve agreed. "Why now?"
"Because we're weak. We're more vulnerable now then ever," Wanda said lowly. "We're fighting against our own people already, there's no better time to make one of our own turn. They've been waiting for their perfect timeframe and this is it."
"What if it happens again?" Scott asked quietly. "Is this just a thing we need to be prepared for now?"
My heart sank into the pits of my stomach at the thought of Bucky not remembering me again.
"Our lives just became exponentially more dangerous," Sam muttered. "We'll have to move locations again."
"We'll make it work," I insisted. "We have to."
"What if we can't?" Wanda whispered.
"As far as I'm concerned, that's not an option," Steve said sharply. "Meetings over. Everyone get back to work; Sam, Clint, Wanda- go do a perimeter check. Make sure we're still secure. Cara and Scott, get working on the firewall and get the cameras up and running again."
We all nodded and headed out of the conference room. Clint, Sam, and Wanda walked towards the elevator as Scott and I plopped down at the computers and got to work. Steve walked swiftly to the infirmary, opening the door and sticking his head inside. After a matter of seconds, he popped back out.
"Cara, you and Sam left Bucky in there?"
I nodded. "Yes. Why?"
"He's gone," Steve said shortly, whipping around and walking towards the elevator.
I practically fell out of my chair rushing over to where he stood in front of the elevator. We rode upstairs in silence, but exploded out and up the stairs when the doors slid open. Once on the main floor, I sprinted through the rooms, searching for Bucky and yelling his name.
I found nothing.
I stumbled onto the back porch and down the stairs, searching the surrounding woods for anything that looked suspicious.
"Bucky! Bucky Barnes!" I screamed, weaving through the trees, my feet squelching in the wet, disintegrating leaves and mud coating the ground. "James Barnes, where are you?!" My throat soon grew sore and dry from yelling, but I didn't stop.
"Cara! Come here!"
I turned on my heel and rushed around to the front of the house where Steve had called from. He stood near the garage with Wanda and Clint, all looking distraught.
"One of the vans is missing," Steve told me, motioning to the empty spot behind him.
"He must've overheard us," I muttered, beginning to feel faint. "He thinks that he's putting us in too much danger so he left."
"You don't know that for sure,
Cara. He could've just had another episode or something and gotten scared and-"
"I do know for sure," I said fiercely, turning towards Clint. "I know how he thinks, I know what he does when he feels like he's a burden. Just because he doesn't remember everything doesn't mean he isn't the same person inside."
Nobody responded to my comment. After a few moments, I sighed angrily and stalked into the garage. I grabbed the keys to the second car from where they lay on a workbench at the back of the garage, went over to the car and ripped the door open. Before I could get into the car, Steve grabbed my arm and snatched the keys from my hand.
"Cara, what are you doing?"
"I'm going after him, what the fuck does it look like I'm doing?! There's a tracker in the other car I can access from inside this one, I'll follow it, I'll find him, and I'll bring him back."
"You're not going alone."
"Well nobody else was doing anything!" I snapped.
Steve hesitated, then turned towards Clint slightly. "Go get Scott and Sam. We're going after him."