Chapter 6
"Nat," I said softly, "We've been trying to track him down for months. He doesn't want to be found, and even if he did we're nowhere near close to getting his location."
"But you didn't have this before." She pulled out a small flashdrive and slid it across the table to me.
I picked it up slowly. "Natasha, what is this?"
"I was going through some of Bruce's things a few weeks ago and I found this. I just had a feeling that it would help us find him, so I took it," she said quietly. "Then I tried to figure out what it had on it, but it's encrypted. Like US government encrypted."
"So you want me to decrypt it."
"Cara, I have a feeling about this," she whispered. "Please. You're the only one I can trust with this."
I hesitated and tapped the flashdrive against the desk gently. "You know Tony is better at this than me."
She nodded solemnly, "I don't want Tony getting involved. Please, Cara, just try. If it's nothing, it's nothing. But it could be something."
"Okay," I said quietly after a minute. "I'll do my best, but don't expect too much."
"Thank you," she smiled kindly and stood up. "Let me know if you find anything?"
"Of course."
****
Around six thirty that night I headed up to my room to get ready for my evening with my brother. As I washed my hair in the shower, my mind wandered from Bucky to what Natasha had said to what Tony and I were celebrating tonight. After I had finished showering and gotten dressed, I braided my hair quickly and headed for the roof, draping a warm coat over my arm. When I had reached the roof exit, my phone began buzzing in my pocket.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
I smiled at the sound of Bucky's voice. "Hi."
"How are you?"
I glanced towards the door above me. "I'm alright. You?"
"Not bad," he sighed lightly. "Listen, I'm going to dinner with Steve in a few minutes, but if you want to stop by later tonight...?"
"I've actually got this thing with Tony, it's kinda complicated and I'll explain later," I told him. "It might go late, but if not I'll definitely call or stop by, I promise."
"Steve's coming," he said quickly. "I've gotta go. I'll see you later."
"Bye, Buck."
I hung up the phone and dropped it back into my pocket as I started up the stairs. I pushed the door open and was instantly greeted with shockingly cold air. Tony stood in the center of the roof, a bonfire pit and a few chairs in front of him
"We're lucky it's not too windy tonight," I said, sitting in one of the chairs.
He smiled and poked the fire with a stick before shoving it into the flames. He reached down and pulled out a bottle and two glasses from next to the pit.
"I remember him talking about this one at some party," he said, pouring me a glass. "Let's hope it's good."
I took it and waited until he had some for himself before speaking.
"What do we drink to this year?"
He sighed. "What we drink to every year. Mom and Dad."
I echoed him and raised my glass slightly before taking a sip. This was one of our little Stark traditions. Every year on the anniversary of the accident, Tony took a bottle of scotch from my father's prized collection, we went to the roof, built a bonfire, and drank. As I brought the glass to my lips again, I suddenly became extremely aware of the ring that I had worn on my left pointer finger since I was thirteen. I began twirling it around my finger absentmindedly, staring out at the skyline at the same time.
I exhaled and looked over at my brother after a few moments of silence. "So, did you find Pepper?"
"Oh yeah," he grinned and nodded, "I organized this whole romantic apology in her office, and it turns out I didn't forget anything. She thought it was just a big loving gesture, which I guess it was. But, I mean it resulted in some really good-"
"Alright that's all I need to know," I cut him off and we both laughed.
"But, um, she did say something interesting."
I rose my eyebrows. "What?"
He took a long sip from his drink and looked over at me when he had finished it. "Pepper wants babies. Soon."
"Babies?" I repeated. "You guys aren't even engaged."
"We might as well be married," he reasoned. "And I get where she's coming from, alright? She's made it clear since the beginning that she wants kids and a family, and I can't expect her to wait forever."
"Do you want kids?" I asked cautiously.
He was silent again, then shrugged. "I don't know, Cara. I think I do, and then I remember him and I realize that's the only father figure I had in my life. And let's face it. He sucked. I don't want kids if I'm gonna be as shit of a father as he was."
"Tony, don't say that."
"I can't end up like him. I can't end up with my children hating me!"
"You don't hate dad! And neither do I!" I said loudly. "No, he wasn't the nurturing, loving father we probably wish he had been, but he loved us Tony."
He laughed and stared into his glass. "I remember when mom told me she was pregnant with you. I was in shock, and he said, 'Son, the only time I was more surprised than this was when your mother was pregnant with you.' He didn't want kids. We just happened."
"Whatever. I'm not arguing with you about this. Not tonight," I snapped, spinning the ring around my finger again.
We were both silent for a few moments, and Tony poured himself another glass. I twirled the ring around my finger continuously and closed my eyes.
"When was the last time you visited?" I asked quietly.
He didn't respond at first, then took a breath before answering. "After Sokovia. You?"
"Two months ago. Mom's birthday."
"You still wear her ring."
I looked down at it and smiled fondly. In her will, my mother had left me the engagement ring my father had given her. My parents' lawyers gave it to me on my thirteenth birthday, and it had stayed on my hand ever since then.
I nodded, "Never take it off."
We both drank again, and Tony refilled my glass. I shivered slightly and crossed my arms, thinking over our conversation. After several more long minutes, I sighed and shut my eyes.
"I miss them," I breathed. "More and more every day. And I think that if I don't think about it, then it'll make it go away but it doesn't. It just makes it so much worse."
"You and me for fifteen years," he said hollowly. "It's been fifteen years since we've had a mother and father."
"It's been a batshit crazy fifteen years."
"At least we've got each other," he smiled and held his glass out.
"That we do, brother," I returned his smile, and tapped his glass with mine. "That we do."
***
A couple hours later, I was on my way back to my room from the roof. It was well past midnight, and I had called Bucky, but he didn't answer. Even though Tony and I had downed an entire bottle of scotch, I barely felt a buzz. I was sober from sadness. I made my way through the halls, mind heavy with grief, when I heard what sounded like someone yelling. My ears perked up, and I began following the sounds. My heartbeat increased as I got closer and closer to the hallway where it was coming from. Near Bucky's room.
I reached his door, and immediately knew the sounds had come from there.
"Bucky," I called, knocking quietly. "Bucky, it's Cara. Are you okay?"
There was no response, but I could hear someone inside.
"Bucky, please," I said, leaning against the door. "Let me in."
The door unlocked slowly, and opened a crack. Bucky stood there, looking as shitty as someone as attractive as him could, and his breathing was ragged. From what I could see, he was wearing a white tank top and sweatpants, and was coated in a layer of sweat. His eyes landed in me, and he opened it the rest of the way. I rushed inside and hugged him quickly, kicking the door shut behind me. He barely reacted, and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
"Bucky, what's the matter?" I backed away slightly and put my hands on his cheeks.
His hands went on top of mine, and he looked down at me, his eyes clouded. "Stay with me. Please," he spoke almost inaudibly.
"What's going on? You're scaring me."
"Cara, please. I don't want to be alone right now."