34 ~ Calum
To Thomas, it felt like seconds whizzing past, But to Calum, everything was stretched out so slowly, lasting an eternity. Huh.
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Things were going so painfully slow, I just want to fast forward to see how it ended.
Thomas had come back a while ago, his face flush and looked dazed. "What happened?"I question and he looks to me, it takes him a second before his eyes focus.
"I'm sorry, what?" He shakes his head, biting his lip. "Oh, I didn't talk to her," casting his eyes on anything but me. He cheeks turned red as his eyes unfocused in thought, and he said a quick goodbye before rushing to his room.
It was odd, but at the time, I thought nothing of it.
Now everything was just, slow.
My room was filled with darkness, mimicking my mood. The only light spilled in from the hall, give the room just a dust of brightness.
Mali insists on keeping my door open, her quite footsteps come to the door, stop and walk back constantly. It made me grit my teeth.
I lay on the bed, my back turned to the door, in frustration. I groan when her foot steps quietly come back and I could feel her presence watching me, see her faint outline on my wall from the hall light. So slow.
My fingers curl around my pillow and I count the minutes she watches me, the red numbers on the clock mocking me, each one lasting forever.
"You don't have to watch me like I'm a fucking child," I snap after 2 minutes without her moving, I had to do something to speed this up.
Her sigh filled the room, adding another pang to my heart, but I ignored it, shoving my face further into my pillow.
"You can't stop me from caring," Mali says, her voice soft and kind like always. She's too good.
I don't reply to that, though I do bite my lip as my eyes slightly sting. I had finally got myself to stop crying not to long ago. It's either anger or tears and I'm tried of both.
I wait for her to leave, but it doesn't happen. This time I sigh.
"Do," She pauses, considering her question before continuing. "Do you know why she say no?"
I wanted to be mad a her question. I wanted my face to burn with anger for her prying, yet it didn't come, she didn't deserve it. My fingers squeeze the pillow harder. I just wanted to feel anything other than the ache in my chest. Anything.
I don't respond right away, my words forming at what felt like a unbelievably sluggish rate- and a low, slow, chuckle stumbled past my lips.
"I guess it's pretty obvious," I pause, my eyes squeezing shut as tears slowly built, pushing against the corners of my eyes.
I take in a shuddered breath, my chest leisurely rising only to fall as I let the air escape. "I'm inadequate, she deserves so much better. She knows it too, doesn't she? She knows that I cause too many problems, that-"
My words fall short as her arms snake around me once again, and I press the heels of my hands to my eyes. Don't cry.
"How could you think that?" Mali asks softly, her fingers tracing circles on my shoulder, I lean into her.
I don't respond, not only because I'm not sure how to answer, but because I'm afraid my tears will fall with my words.
Why I'm I like this?
Was it my dad who made me this messed up? Did he cause my mind to tread dangerous waters, or is that just how I am?
Or was it my mom? Was her ignorance of my pain, of my suffering, worse than the one actually causing it? Did I deserve it?
Both, was it both? Probably.
I don't know anymore, all I know is that I'm slowly losing this, whatever it is.
"You should probably leave for tonight," I whisper, lowering my hands from my eyes but keeping them closed.
"What? Why?" Her soothing circles stopping with the question. I couldn't tell if she was mad, or hurt.
"Not because I don't want you here," I rush to say, not wanting to hurt her feelings, "But dad is going to be pissed with all those holes in the wall. You shouldn't be here." I sink into the bed at the thought of my father.
"Yeah, well you shouldn't be here alone either," Mali's voice loses its softness and is replaced with protectiveness. Her arms tighten around me. It causes my heart to ache slightly less.
"I won't be, I'll have Thomas to help me." I say, and her breath fans my forehead as she sighed once again. "Plus, it's my fault anyways. You shouldn't get in trouble."
"Cal, I'm not-"
"Mali, Please," I whisper, my voice wobbled, coming from my mouth slowly. "Please. I don't want you to be here."
Her body unwrapped itself from me, and she whispered a small, "Fine."
I let out a breath of relief, I thought she'd put up more of a fight.
"Thank you," I say as she walks from my room, slamming the door behind her. Well, at least she'll be safe.
I waited till I was sure she was in her room before opening my eyes.
A small whimper vibrated my chest once they fully opened, tears instantly trailing over the bridge of my nose and down the side of my face. Slowly drenching my cheeks, dotting the pillow as I held it tightly.
It was completely dark now that the door was closed, and I was grateful.
Rolling onto my back, I stared into the darkness. As silent sobs wracked my body, I shove my fist in my mouth muffle my slow gasps for air.
Why does it hurt so damn much?
I'm a fool. I haven't even known her for long- not long at all. Yet this seemed seemed to last forever, this miserable feeling. The tears, and the lump that sat painfully in my throat, but most of all the ache. It stretched time, making my sadness unbearable.
It's indescribable, each time my heart beats this heaviness presses harder in my chest, slowly bending my heart.
I try and strike up my anger, anything to stop this heaviness, I didn't want it to snap my heart in half. But, my attempts are snuffed out by my tears, too many to start the fire.
"Stop," I whisper to the darkness, sitting up only to double over as a sob booms within me, though it came out my mouth quietly.
I feel the need to scream, but it only comes out in hallow gasps, making me suffer in silence. I suddenly want Mali to come back.
I can't even go to my favorite place- the roof, for fear that I'd see her and collapse right then and there.
My nails dig into my sides and I can't help but wish my dad would come home early, he'd mask the ache with a different kind of pain.
I sneer at myself for wanting him to hit me. It's sick, but I can't help it, I've never felt this kind of pain before.
I laugh softly, it my own stupid fault. I barely know her yet she's causing all of this.
There it is.
A spark, just a spark of anger pricked my stomach and I reached for it. I felt my stomach heat with flames as I thought of how much I'm over reacting, over some girl.
And in the mist of my anger, I could finally breath. My heart slowly stoped screaming as my stomach started burning.
But it was short lived.
I jumped when my door banged open and light flipped on. The fire died and was replaced with ice cold fear so quickly, I froze completely; clutching my chest, even my tears seemed to freeze on my cheeks.
"Why the hell is there Four holes in the fucking wall?"
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A|N ---PLEASE READ---
Uploaded super early. Ur welcome.
I feel like this may have been just a bit too over dramatic, but I hope y'all like it.
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SPEAKING OF HEARTACHE, that's the name of my new Calum AU I've decided to start. The synopsis is posted, so go check it out!
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