32 ~ Calum
To be completely honest, I'm not the least bit excited for Christmas.
It's all just a huge hassle, the presents, cheesy movies and worst of all, the family.
I'm sure Christmas would be great if I were sat sandwiched between cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts chatting about grades and catching up on the time missed, however that's not what my Christmas card looks like.
There's not hot chocolate, the tree is brittle and generic, and the family would rather stand and boast than sit and listen.
I sigh, pulling my leather jacket against me as a burst of cool air harassed me, tussling my hair with its icy fingertips. In past Christmases, I've been the in background, behind Thomas' shadow of praise.
And I'd usually be angered at him, mumbling some insult under my breath as he passed, shoved him slightly when he was carrying a drink, causing it to stain his pristine outfit.
But through the short span of nearly two months, my usual had become forgotten, replaced with a new one.
I know it's not Thomas' fault my parents would favor him, showcasing him like his life was a debut movie, trapping him in a glass box with lights shinning on him so bright you'd spot an imperfection from a mile away.
And it's not my fault I was pushed into the dark corner were nobody would see me, the lamp only flickering on in my glass box if I was an example of what not to do, of mistakes.
So now, abandoning the usual, I wonder what it will be like when our snobby cousins and prideful aunts and uncles cram into our house in a few days.
What I was really anticipating, however, was the winter formal. Not the stupid dance itself, but rather the girl who I've yet to ask. The one I'm asking tonight.
I chuckle to myself, running a hand through my hair and looking over to the rooftop only two houses away. My nervousness carried throughout my body, my heart tremors with heavy beats and my hands shake with a buzz of excitement yet, it was all too close to fear.
This never used to happen, but like I said, nothing's usual anymore. My slightly arrogant confidence was dwindling lately, and new reinforced walls were being build through the rubble of my old shell.
I glance at my phone, the screen still illuminated with the text I had sent just a few moments ago.
7:02 : Want to talk, meet me at the spot at 8:30 - Cal.
7:13, time to get going. I run my hands through my hair and down my face once again, before standing.
My energy has returned from my sickness, and I swing myself through the window with a nervous hop.
"Come on, it's time to roll," I holler, slinging my duffle bag over my shoulder.
Footsteps rush down the hall and crash through my open door. "Were ready!" Mali squeals, clapping her hands softly, "this is going to be amazing!"
"Yeah, but only because I helped with the whole plan," Thomas smirks, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm simply the best,"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever lets you sleep at night," I brush past the two, a excited flutter in my stomach practically propelled me down the stairs and out the door.
"Slow down there, cal," Mali laughs, running after me with Thomas in close behind, "You don't wanna seem too desperate,"
"I'm not desperate," I slow my pace, my ears reddening and breath coming in short burst- and not from my dash either, my nerves were up the wall.
"So you'd do this for any girl?" Thomas asks, falling instep next too me.
"Well, no-"
I pause, would I do this for just any girl?
"Maybe I am just a bit desperate," i admit softly, but the wind took my voice so quickly I was the only one who heard.
-
"But I wanna watch!"
"No, you need to leave, now," I say, pushing my brother and sister through the woods and to the road, "Now! Before she sees you!" My voice raises slightly in pitch and I swallow deeply.
"Alright, alright," Thomas holds his hands up and starts to walk back to the house with Mali, "don't get your panties in a twist,"
I sigh and running hand through my hair once again, walking through the brush of leaves and trees to the opening.
I look around, making sure everything was perfectly set. A huge, soft blanket was laid off to the side where Val had set most of the twinkling lights in the trees, with countless fluffy pillows scattered on it.
Just a few feet from that, a soothing orange fire crackled and popped on the fire pit that we built. A bag of marshmallows with chocolate and gram crackers at the ready for s'mores.
Then, right in the middle, close to the lake, there were mats set in a huge dance floor, with more colorful lights above it that we added, we even staked a ballet bar on the far side of the 'dance floor', a water proof speaker behind that. Colors of red, blue, green, purple, and white strung so beautifully by Mali, that the lights reflected off the mats in a stunning swirl of color.
"Did you do all of this?"
I jump and turn around to see Valerie in complete awe, her eyes flickering to everything in excitement, a smile tugging at her lips that only got bigger once it landed on me.
"I- well- I-" My shaking hands tug at my collar, and I suddenly wanted to back out, to abandon this whole thing, because seeing her here, having her catch me so off guard like this, it was scary but so addictive.
I swallow and laugh nervously at myself, dropping my hands and shoving them into my pockets. "Yeah, I did. Well, Thomas and Mali helped a bit too, but it was really my idea." I could feel the sweat beading on my face, and waves of heat ran down my back. "But, it's really not that big of a deal, it's nothing special. I didn't even-"
"How did you know I like to dance?" She asks walking past me and running she finger along the ballet bar. I follow her, standing in the middle of the mats. "I might have seen you dance on your roof a few times," I say, the last part coming our quickly when she sent my an amused look, "and I thought this would be better than an uneven roof."
A soft silence filled the air and Valerie just stared at me with a small smile, my nerves sky rocketed under her gaze.
"But, I don't know much about dance," I say, unable to stand the silence, and unable to quit rambling. "I don't know if these are the right mats, but I tried to find the best ones, which was quite -"
And then all the words of my rambling died on my tongue as her cool hands reached up to my face, pulling my down to hers softly.
Our foreheads were pressed against each other, our noses almost touching, and our lips, they seemed so close, yet way to far away.
"This is amazing, Calum," she whispered, and I could feel her breath fanning my cheeks.
My heart was hammering so hard, I worried she could hear it. There were so many things I wanted to say, but her being to close, her eyes to clear and beautiful, her lips so tempting, I couldn't speak.
With all the courage I could muster, I pressed my lips to hers. My nerves fled, and were replaced with an indescribable sensation that was hotter than any fire. My skin was filled with goosebumps from her touch, yet it was so warm.
Then the whole thing was over all too soon, making my crave another just as our lips parted. Valerie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and looked up at me through her lashes, and that's when I knew.
I'd fallen way too hard.
"Valerie," I whisper, pulling her closer to my chest and closing my eyes in hope. "Will you go to the winter formal with me?"
My eyes open in shock as she abruptly pulled away, taking all the warmth with her and inviting my nerves back in.
"Calum," she says slowly, she face pulled in a frown. "Id love too, believe me I really would,"
I held my breath, please.
"I can't, I'm so sorry,"
My lungs constricted and I stood staining in shock. After what we just shared? I thought that meant something. Out of everything that have ever happened to me, of everything my dad has ever said or done, this hurt the worst.
It hurt more than I could have imagined, and there's nothing that can soothe this burn, this painful sting that engulfed my whole heart, no band-aid or ice, nothing.
Tears prickle behind my eyes and I shove past Valerie before she could see them, mumbling "it's fine, I didn't want to go that bad anyways," as I passed.
"No, Calum let me explain, I want to go!" She grabbed my arm, " you don't understand,"
I whip around, "understand what? That It was stupid to thing that you actually liked me? You know, you were the only person who made me think that, maybe all the stuff my dad said was a lie," I scream, causing her to step back a bit.
"But now I know, this only lie was my love for you," I whisper, turning around I ran so fast the branches and twigs left scratches on my arms and face, but I didn't care.
I didn't care for anything anymore, I've learned my lesson.
It's just not meant for someone like me to be loved.
-
:(