7 ~ Calum
The walk home from school was slow. The cool, stiff air dried my throat and chilled my lungs.
The trees are becoming bare, leaves falling like people in love, fast, swift, breathlessly.
They dance together across he side walk, making the white concrete a brown and yellow colored canvas.
My neighborhood looks about as depressing as I felt. But the bright colors of the old houses try to mask it, like I learned to do.
But lately, I've felt different, hollow, I guess you could say.
Not the soul crushing sadness that eats you alive, or the anger at makes you want to burst, or even the numb feeling that I depend on.
I just felt like something was missing. Maybe it was the attention I never got from my parents? Or the lack of friends? Maybe it was... Maybe I'm lonely.
Not the kind of lonely you feel for your family or friends when they leave, no. The kinda you get when you long for someone that you can be with.
I frown, confused. Why the hell do I want a relationship? They suck. Ashton, he was in one.
I remember how much she screwed him up. He's still different to this day, he's cold.
I miss him, the old Ash, the one full of giggles and puns that were never really that funny, but he would laugh like it was the best joke in the world.
I huff, walking up my cracked drive way. I shouldn't think like this. It was all better when my feelings were numb, I wasn't this...deep.
If this is even deep? I feel like I'm turning into one of those people who constantly question life.
The smell of honey ham distracts me from my thoughts as I walk into my house.
Kicking off my shoes, my mom walks to me, her purple, stained apron tied to her short frame.
"How was school?" My mother asks, that fake smile stretching her lips, her white teeth showing.
I bit my tongue, she asked that question to get me upset, I know she did.
"It was fine." I mimic her tight smile and my father huffs from his place on the couch.
My mother glances to my dad before nodding. "That's great! Dinner will be in about and hour or so." She says sweetly before disappearing back into the kitchen.
She doesn't want me to know that she's still disappointed in me, afraid I'll tell someone she doesn't love me. It's all for her, going to school, the yelling, her.
I look to my dad. He won't look at me, jaw tight, his eyes trained on the news playing on the tv. I bite my lip. I thought he would be happy I went to school. What else am I suppose to do?
I slowly walk up the stairs. Walking slow has become a pattern.
Turning at the sound of the door opening and closing, Thomas bursted through, practically skipping.
I watch from the top of the stairs as my dad asks my beaming brother how his day was. I don't listen to what they're saying, focused on the facial expressions.
My dads thick lips curve into a small grin, nodding to what my brother had said. My mothers eyes crinkled in the corners as she smiles at him, a real one.
I press my lips in a tight line. Thomas noticed me staring and his smile falters slightly, probably thinking I'm glaring at him. Which I kind of was.
I was just upset, the hollow feeling still there, just not as strong, the jealously coving it like a thin blanket.
He walks past me, heading for is room. "Thomas" I quietly call his name, following him into his room.
I notice his bed was unmade, and papers were scattered across his desk, instead of the neat order he always had them in.
"Yes, Calum." He throws his bag on the floor beside his bed, Turing to me with a happy glow surrounding him.
"Who was that girl you were with? The one with the red streak in her hair?" I wondered.
His eyes narrow. " why do you want to know?" A sharpness to his words.
"I just want to know, she seem...cool" I shrug, but I'm really dying to know who this girl was.
" She's my friend." He turns to his desk, grabbing the papers and stacking them in a nice pile.
"No shit." I roll my eyes. " What's her name?" I cross my arms, getting annoyed.
He shrugs and I can feel the annoyance building up. " why won't you just tell me Thomas? It's not that big of a deal." I snap.
He looks up at me, a staring emotion on his face. " I don't want to share. Not anymore. I know she's 'your type' and she's the first person that's nice to me besides Liam and Niall and you'll just steal her. "He tugs at his hair, frustration laced in his words.
My jaw clenches. " I steal everything? Come on, Thomas. I've never stollen anyone from you. You're the fucking angel who everyone loves." I yell, my voice cracking with unexpected emotion breaking my words.
He's face blanks with surprise as I blink my eyes. Not now, I can't cry, not
in front of Thomas.
It will show him that I'm not strong. He can't know that, he'll take advantage of that.
"Forget it" I mumble, turning to leave, my throat closing and vision blurring.
"Her name is Valerie."He calls just before I shut the door behind me.
I blink, locking myself in my room.
Valerie. I roll the name in my mind. It's a pretty name, I've never met a Valerie.
The tears sink back and my vision slowly goes back to normal, however, the lump in my throat still sits painfully.
I open my window and climb out, instantly lighting a cigarette and taking a long drag.
The smoke loosens the tightness in the back of my throat as I released it from my mouth.
I look out to the house, craving the small tranquility the dancer a few houses down provides.
But, my heart drops slightly to see and empty roof. I take another drag. Well, this fucking sucks.
I look out to the sky, at least the stars are out tonight. The small lights fight the darkness that sends shivers down my spine.
I think back to the girl - Valerie. She must be new, I've never noticed her before, and believe me, I would have noticed her.
My cigarette shrinks with every drag and I feel my self relax, I roll my shoulders, popping my back.
I glance back to the house, taking my last drag, hoping to see the dancer.
My lips pull into a small smile once I spot her, but it was strange, she wasn't dancing. She was pacing the roof, running a hand through her hair.
I squint my eyes, trying to see what her facial features were, or anything that could identify the girl.
Nothing.
Before I could think about her anymore, she lowered herself off the roof, disappearing on the other side of her house.
I step on my the cigarette bud, climbing back into my room.
I take a quick shower, to wash away the smoke that clung to me before heading back down stairs for dinner.
The conversation at the table floats around me, Thomas telling my parents about some shit, but I eat silently.
My mind swirled, and I couldn't get it to stop.
A|N (important questions!)
Terrible ending, I know.
I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. What it too deep or something? Because Calum goes through a lot of thinking like that throughout the book.
Tell me if you like it or not?
And second of all, what do you guys think about sister books/ a series? Because I have book ideas that will fit together kind of like a series.
A) Want one? If you do, I'll post ONE of the books intro.
B) idk what to name the series (if it happens) so any ideas??
Thanks for ready my book! Y'all are lovely, and if you have any questions about Project where ever we are, just ask, I don't bite...hard.
❤️