Chapter 26
Summary of previous chapter:
Bc Isuju couldn't focus, Asano brought her out to the city to a book store. On the way, Isuju told Asano about her background and how she met Irina. Then, Asano finally confessed!
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"Just let me kiss you."
Isuju was taken aback by his sudden boldness. Not that Asano Gakushuu was never bold, but that he never really confronted her about this issue. Little did she know that every time Asano wanted to confront her, his chest would ache non-stop and he would suddenly be smitten with her, and he would suddenly think about her well being and what she would think of him if he confessed.
Isuju had ruled out the possibility of dating Asano already, and Asano knew that, and felt like needles had pierced his chest. Isuju saw that he was frustrated and desperate, which was very unlike Asano.
She gently cupped his cheeks and made sure that his frown had disappeared, washing his pent up feelings away. She moved in closer to place her lips on his confidently, she knew she was doing the right thing.
Asano enjoyed the kiss, but it didn't feel like what he expected it to be. It was the second and last he was ever getting the kiss from her. The first happened on New Year's eve, if you still remember that chapter.
"Now take this kiss and go back to being yourself," Isuju said after separating from him, "Asano Gakushuu is confident, he is arrogant, he has his own means to getting things done and he's proud of it. He has a high self esteem and is an asshole, but can be pretty decent if the right girl just sets in." She gave him a gentle smile.
"I'm sorry that I can't be the right girl," she took his left hand down from the wall and held his hands together, "if you need a listening ear I'm always here, I know you've got me on speed dial."
"But I think, for now you need time for yourself," she gently caressed his calloused palms before letting go of them to his sides, and smiled before continuing on.
"Why don't we go home? I think we both need that."
***
Isuju
Isuju tried not to smile like a maniac on the way back home. She had already separated ways from Asano, and since he knew she'd be fine on her own, he didn't walk her back home.
I hope that solves some things, she thought to herself, leading Asano on would be bad after all, it was better for her to end it early rather than late.
She took light steps as she proceeded to her house, she had faith that Asano would overcome this obstacle. I mean, when has he not? He had to find the answer on his own, that's the only way for him to understand and get over it.
Unknowingly, as Isuju thought to herself, she bumped into a figure, who someone she didn't expect at all.
"Isuju," his heterochromatic eyes gazed at her features up close, something that hasn't happened for a while. Chills ran down her spine, her memories from years back came flooding back to her mind.
"Kaneki," she said, trying to keep her calm, "what are you doing here?"
"Well I moved here recently, my aunt has some business here with the big shots of Tokyo for some reason," he said, not adding too much nor too little to his sentences.
"Okay then," she finally said and took a step back, she didn't like being close to him after all that had happened, "I'll just go now, so excuse me."
"Isuju, is it alright if I-" Kaneki stepped in front of her quickly, to stop her from leaving, but before he could finish his sentence, he saw her breathing heavily. She was trying to catch her breath and stabilize herself, her heart was drumming hard in her small chest as her mind flooded with events that happened with him a few years ago.
Unexpectedly, he took a step back from her and gave her the space she needed. She noticed that, but couldn't stop herself from hyperventilating.
"I'm so sorry," he said, his tone was heavy and held much regret from his actions a few years ago.
"Isuju, I'm really sorry," he said again, and she calmed down a great deal. She glanced up at him while catching her breath and noticed something was different: his eyes. They were back to normal like when she first met him.
"I know this is a lot to ask of you," he asked after a few minutes when she had fully calmed down, "but is it alright to follow me somewhere? I'd like to give you something."
"Can't you give it to me here?" She asked.
"I can't, unfortunately," he said, and immediately he saw her flinch at her reaction. "How about we go somewhere you're used to? Is your house rooftop fine?"
"No," she said immediately without thinking twice.
"I know my presence itself gives you anxiety, I understand the pain it brings-"
"How?" She cut him off, her knuckles turning white as she gripped on tightly to her skirt. Her jaw tensed as she grit her teeth, trying to control herself from yelling.
"How could you possibly understand the pain you put me through? The trauma? The conflict that I had with myself?" Isuju looked at him with furrowed eyebrows and a sad gaze through her black rimmed spectacles.
"You claimed to have loved me, but you chained me to the god damned wall and made my room soundproof so that no one could hear my screams!" She said, getting more agitated as her memories brought her back to her cuts and bruises.
"Kaneki, I grew up in a village where everyone was killed with guns and bullets," Isuju said.
"I thought I was lucky to have been spared, but they only died once, but I died everyday when I was with you."
Isuju said all of that with pure anger and rage seething through her teeth. Her muscles tensed as she prepared herself to fight the taller and stronger male. Her bones stiffened and trembled under his surprisingly soft gaze.
His grey eyes no longer were blinded by infatuation of any sort, but his sight was blurred by the small wet beads that dripped down his angular face.
It was a quiet and cloudy night in that tranquil area, and Isuju could hear how his eyelids made a subtle squash as tears dripped quickly. All he did was stare at her, not bothering to wipe his face dry or apologise.
After a while, Kaneki realised that it was actually better if he didn't say anything, so he held his hand out. In his pale hands hung a familiar brown paper bag, its handle which was made out of twine was stained with a few droplets of red liquid.
Isuju recognised that plain paper bag without a doubt.
The stains represented almost everything from her past.
Blood.
Love.
Regret.
So so much regret.
To think that they were both once close friends who really depended on each other. When he cried, he was with her. When he laughed, he was with her. When he was angry, when he was confused and in pain, he was with her. She bore the brunt of his attacks and cried silently to herself every time he did.
She wasn't raped, that, she was thankful for. Nonetheless she had no privacy, no personal space, for that was all taken away by Kaneki in that year.
In the paper bag, she saw two cans of green tea.
"I'm assuming you haven't drank this since you left me, it was the only thing that I had let you drink other than water after all," Kaneki said, forcing out a weak smile, "I remember it was your favorite... until everything happened of course."
"I'm not here to bring you back and I still am genuinely sorry," a lump was caught in his throat as he continued.
"I realised that loving you meant letting you have closure, and not get hung up on this."
"So please... As this is probably the last time I'll see you..."
Droplets no longer beaded on his cheeks, but instead, streams of never ending tears just rolled down his face uncontrollably. She could see that he had really regretted his actions as he didn't bother to wipe away his tears to continue staring at her.
"Please forgive me."
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