Chapter Five
The next morning John woke to see that the space beside him in bed was still empty. Had Alex slept at all? He got up and found Alex in the same place as last night, writing.
"Alexander."
Alex looked up at him, fear etched in his face. "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel so good yesterday."
John walked over to him and knelt down, so that they were eye level since Alex was sitting. "Did you sleep at all last night?"
Alex paused, then shook his head slowly.
"Did you eat?"
Alex's eyes widened. "Um, yes..."
He was clearly lying. John knew him too well for this. "No you didn't."
Alex slumped down. He was too tired to lie anymore. "I didn't."
"What's wrong?"
"I just..." He shrugged. "I-I can't eat or sleep. I-I keep writing to distract myself."
John stroked his boyfriend's hair. "Why, baby?"
"I just can't! Every time I lay in bed at night with nothing but my thoughts, I can't breathe. And I'm never hungry. When I eat it all just comes back up again. I can't pause for even a second or I just- I can't breathe." Alex was choking on his own words now. His breathing was quick and ragged.
"Okay, okay. Calm down. It's okay." John attempted to quiet his boyfriend.
"What's wrong with me?" Alex clutched his boyfriend's arm. He leaned his head on John's shoulder and took several deep breaths.
"Nothing." John soothed. "It's okay. I'm gonna take you to the doctor. Is that okay?"
Alex's grip tightened and he shook his head. "No, no, no. Please don't."
"Okay. What about Angelica?" Their friend had recently received her bachelor's degree in psychology and was about to start attempting to earn a PhD."
Alex sighed shakily. "Okay. That'd be okay."
-
"It sounds to me like you have a panic disorder which has now caused an eating disorder and insomnia." Angelica's breezy voice was serious now. Her brow was furrowed in concern for her friend.
John and Alex sat across from her on the couch in her apartment. John held Alex's hand tightly.
"But," Angelica took a deep breath, making sure her voice was full of reassurance like they taught her to do in school. "You really should get a professional opinion. See a real psychologist."
Alex began to shake. "I-I don't know if I can do that."
Angelica put a hand on his knee. "In my opinion as a future psychologist and as a friend it would be the only way to make sure you get help."
"I can't." Alex whined.
John rubbed his back slowly. "Baby, I know you're scared, but this is the best thing for you. You need to get better."
"O-Okay."
"Okay?"
"Alright."
Angelica smiled slightly. It wasn't her real smile, which was huge and brilliant. But it was a reassuring smile. And somehow, it made Alexander feel just a bit better.
"I can recommend someone if you want." Angelica suggested.
John nodded. "Thank you."
Angelica wrote a number down on a piece of paper and handed it to John. "She's a friend of one of my professors. They used to work together."
"Thank you." John said again. He turned to Alex who had his head in his hands. "You ready to go?"
The younger man simply stood on his shaky legs and nodded.
They bid Angelica goodbye ad John helped Alexander downstairs and into the car. He was insanely worried, but hopefully this woman could help.
AN: poor smol Alex