And Peggy

John was going to visit in one week! Peggy was beside herself from excitement. In his last letter he sent her, he wrote:

I can hardly wait to see you, my dearest, Peggy. Being on the field is fun, but can be terrifying. At least I know I am safe with you. I send you my love.

Peggy had received John's letter and love. When visiting the Hamiltons, Eliza had told Peggy all Alexander would talk about was showing Philip to John.

"Uncle John." Alexander would say. "It has a nice ring to it."

Eliza chuckled. "Yes Alex, we know."

Alexander blushed as he picked up Philip. Whenever Alexander looked at Philip, Peggy noticed something change in both of their eyes. They had a special connection, Peggy could sense it.

"I should be heading back home." Peggy said after a while.

"I have to get the mail. I'll walk you out." Eliza offered as she passed Philip to Alexander.

"What a happy family you are." Peggy smiled.

Eliza smiled. "I have never been happier. Send Angelica my love."

"Always."

Once Peggy arrived home, she saw Angelica pacing in the parlor.

"Angelica, what is the matter? Where is father?"

"Father is out." Angelica said. Her voice was shaking slightly.

"Are you okay?" Peggy asked. Angelica was holding a paper. An envelope was on the floor. Peggy noticed the name Laurens on it.

"Is that from John?" She asked.

Angelica stopped walking.

"Angelica, what is going on?"

Angelica handed her sister the envelope.

"It says Henry Laurens. That is his father."

Angelica nodded.

"May I see the letter?"

Angelica did not hand over the envelope.

"Angelica. Give me the letter."

Reluctantly, Angelica handed over the paper.

Peggy looked at her sister and read the letter.

"It is with my deepest regret to announce that my son John Laurens was killed fighting on the battlefield by a redcoat."

Peggy's hands started to shake.

"I know you were very close to his heart. I thought you might like to have what was in the package. I am terribly sorry-"

Peggy dropped the letter. "The package, where is the package?!" She asked, the tears falling down her face.

Angelica pointed to the kitchen.

Peggy ran and saw a small box on the table.

"I waited for you." Angelica'a voice was strangely hoarse.

Trembling, Peggy unwrapped the paper and opened the box.

There was a ring inside. A paper was folded in the lid.

My dearest, Peggy. We are young. We are in the middle of a war. I could die any day now, and the thought does not scare me. However, life without you seems unimaginable. Even if we only have a short time together, will you please be mine forever?

Peggy was speechless. "Oh, John." She whispered. He had wanted to marry her. Of course, she would have said yes in a heartbeat. But now she could never say yes. Now she would never complete the scenario she made a few days ago. John Laurnes was gone.

Thick tears started to fall as Angelica pulled her sister close.

All slaves will be returned to their previous positions. The letter said.

The thought made Peggy feel sick. John had told her about what slaves went through. He was quite descriptive on occasions, which made Peggy beg him to stop. Until they would talk again, and she would want to hear more. The way he spoke about them, and his goals, made him so passionate and driven. Now all that work would go to waste.

Peggy cried into her sister's arms. She hated feeling this way. She felt weak. She felt vulnerable. She felt terrible. She wanted to wake from this bad dream and find herself on her bed, on the morning of John's visit. She wanted to wear the dress she had chosen and stay up late in the gardens with John again. She wanted to play with baby Philip and John. She wanted to wear the ring, to say "I do".  But that would never happen, just as Peggy would never be the same again.

•••

Peggy did not remember falling asleep, but one minuet she was on the floor in her sisters arms, the next in her bed, the comforters pulled up to her chin, and a small ring on her bedside table.

What now? She would have loved to stay in the bed forever. But she knew that was impossible. She had work to do.

After lying in bed for a few more moments, Peggy wandered downstairs, where her father was eating breakfast. He pulled her into a hug.

"Do you need anything?" He asked.

She shook her head.

He kisses her forehead. "Angelica has gone for a walk."

Peggy nodded.

Peggy visited the Hamilton's more often. She found that taking care of the baby kept her mind off things. One day, she was walking down the street to their house, she saw Alexander sitting on their step, drinking something.

"Hello Alexander." Peggy said.

Alexander nodded in her direction.

"Where are Eliza and Philip?" Peggy asked.

"Out for a walk. They will be back shortly."

Peggy took a seat next to Alexander. Suddenly she realized something. If anyone were to understand what she was going through, it would be Alexander.

"I know how you feel." She said.

"No, you do not. It is much more complicated than that."

"You don't know how much I have figured out, do you?" Peggy asked.

Alexander gave her a questioning look.

"I know you looked at John the same way you look at my sister."

Alexander looked down. "He loved you, you know. He would go on and on about you." He finally said.

The thought made Peggy blush. "That was sweet of him, but I believe some of it was a mere distraction. He looked at you the same way you looked at him."

It killed Peggy to use past tense.

"Really?" Alexander asked. "You are quite observant, Peggy."

"So I've noticed. But what I am saying is, I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I am the closest person there is to knowing. So if you would like to talk, I am all ears."

Alexander smiled. It was the first real smile he had given in weeks. "I would say the same." He said. Then he noticed her ring. "That's new. You were never one to wear jewelry."

"It was from John. He... He wanted to... Marry me."

There was a pause. Then Alex put a hand on his sister-in-law's arm.

"I am terribly sorry." He said. "You would have made a beautiful bride."

Peggy nodded. "Thank you."

The two sat on the step until Eliza and Philip came back. Two people trying to survive a war, and life itself.