twenty four
ashton's pov
She's a fucking tease, that exactly what she is.
I fucked myself over this time and there was nothing I could do about it.
My thoughts were interrupted when I suddenly felt her small figure crawling off of my lap and onto the bed beside me.
She looked down at the assorted rings on her fingers as her jaw tightened in anger.
I watched as she took a deep breath and spoke up.
"I think you should go," she repeated as she stood up quickly. "I'm so stupid," she mumbled in anger as she paced through the room.
"Shannon, listen to me," I stammered quickly.
"No Ashton, I can't believe I let you do that," she rambled with a hint of disgust hidden in her voice.
I began to panic as she grew more distant with every breath. She didn't trust me, and I knew it would never be the same between us.
"I'm done, I can't play this twisted game with you anymore." she uttered with fury.
"What game?" I spat in defense. The both of us were standing now. She looked weak and beaten down as she stood before me.
"All you wanted was Jennifer's surgery, that is all this has been about," stammered as she looked up at me. "We are completely different people Ashton, you absolutely despised me until you found out that I could help you once Jenna got sick."
I just stared at her as she spoke.
"You used Lindsey? Why should I believe you when you say I'm different?" She mumbled in frustration.
She was right. When have I ever given her a reason to trust me in the first place.
The room fell silent for a few seconds. This was almost agonizing to watch. I could see the disappointed look in her eyes as her eyes fell to the floor.
"Why did you leave?" She whispered with a pained tone to her voice. Her eyes met mine once again as the blood vanished from her cheeks.
I remained in a state of confusion as she gazed at me.
"Why did you leave when you found out I was a virgin," she whispered slowly.
I took a few steps towards her frail body. I watched as her eyes grew slightly wider as she backed onto the bed behind us. Her body crashed down onto the mattress. I found myself sitting beside her as i felt her scoot away from me.
She was scared.
She was scared of me.
I looked down at her bruised wrists that we're starting to turn blue and purple.
I did this to her.
Those five words seemed to beat throughout my brain rapidly as I thought.
I sighed and spoke up slowly.
"Because you deserve to lose your virginity to someone you love. I didn't want to take that away from you."
She avoided eye contact with me as we spoke.
"What made you want Amber? Why did you go to her?" She stuttered. She finally averted his vision towards me.
"Well, I needed someone to deal with a certain... problem," my voice cracked as I brought up such a difficult topic.
"What problem?" She asked innocently.
She gazed at me with a complicated look of confusion on her face.
"I was turned on, I needed someone to... take care of it?" I explained briefly as I knew she would understand. I watched her eyes quickly widen.
"I did that?" She whispered in embarrassment. I couldn't help but smile at her inexperience.
"Yes, you did. Not only once, but twice," I answered as I directed my eyes to my extremely fucking obvious boner. She tossed the comforter over her face in complete embarrassment and giggled.
"Okay I really shouldn't be laughing, I'm still very mad at you," she was giggling uncontrollably.
"I regret it, Shan, I never thought you'd find out and I wasn't thinking," I rambled quickly. Her happy expression faded away within seconds.
"I trusted you, Ash," she muttered softly. I felt a sharp pinch in my heart as she spoke.
"I know, but you have to believe that you're different Shannon? I was terrible to Lindsey, and trust me, I knew that" I sighed. "But with you, it's a whole new feeling for me."
"I don't believe you," she said slowly. "It hurt, it really did, I know I'll never be enough for you?"
Is she fucking serious?
"Really? Are you kidding me?" I laughed. "The only reason I left was because I didn't want to ruin your first time for you."
"Ashton." She said sternly. "I wouldn't have regretted it?"
"Why not, I'm terrible to you, I'm just a fucking drunk who did this to you!" I grabbed her arms quickly and stared at the bruises I had inflicted onto her.
"You are not your father Ashton!" She shouted. "I can deal with this!" She pointed to her bruises and sighed. "I grew up with much worse."
"What?"
She pulled her hair behind her ear and turned her head. I watched as she pointed to a scar at the base of her neck.
"You're Dad?" She nodded her head. "Your own father did that to you?"
"He was drunk, he threw a beer bottle at me, he missed thankfully but he did the wall and the glass cut my cheek." She cried softly. "He hit me, Ashton, he hit my mother and me," she placed a hand onto mine. "Your pointless bruises don't hurt as much as that did."
"No, you don't get to say that this is okay?" I insisted as I stared at the hand prints on her arms.
"It's not okay, but that doesn't mean that I hate you for it? I want you to know that I'm willing to stick around even when things are hard." She tucked a small piece of hair behind her ear and began to rub the back of my hand with her tiny fingers.
We sat in silence for a few minutes as I watched her.
She pulled away from me and crawled under the covers of her bed.
Her soft features seemed to glow in the moonlight.
"Please stay?" she whispered softly.
I felt her small hands wrap around my arm and pull me next to her. I wrapped my arms around her torso and felt her turn around to face me.
I softly kissed her forehead before she yawned once more.
"Goodnight Ashton."
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Ugh I've been up all night. Sorry if this chapter is literally terrible.