twenty two
ashton's pov
"Let me explain," I said softly as I held her close to me. I felt guilt wash over my entire body as she pushed away. Her tiny hands were cold to the touch as she pushed. I knew she was upset.
"No need, I get it," she whimpered softly. "I'm just gonna go."
"Please Shan, let me explain, I promise this meant nothing."
"Ouch," I heard a call from behind me. I turned around to see Amber leaning in the door frame of my bedroom. The flannel she was wearing hung loosely off of her shoulders, she smirked and her eyes lit up in joy as she saw Shannon.
"It's okay Ashton, I should have known you weren't serious about what you said," she exclaimed. She was so small, and innocent. I took a hold of her small hand and continued to explain myself.
"That's not true!" I insisted.
"If it was, you wouldn't have done something like this. It's alright Ash, I knew this would never work out," she spoke softly, with hurt in her voice. I could feel my entire body go into a stage of panic knowing that my only true friend was disappointed in me.
"When I found out you were a virgin, I panicked. I didn't want to take that away from you," I whispered.
"She's a virgin!?" Amber called from behind me. "Of course she is! She's perfect!" I turned around and scowled at her. The expression on her face faded and she remained silent.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to Shannon. Her soft curls seemed to fall perfectly onto her face and her lips were quivering slightly. Her soft eyes were watering and I could tell she was trying her best to show me that she didn't care about what I had done, she didn't want to admit she was upset. This is how it's always been with her. She hides how she feels, normally I would care less but in a way, I always wanted to know how she felt.
"You don't need me anymore," she said softly. She pushed me away from her and backed away. What?
"What do you mean?" I spoke. I began to panic once again. I was afraid of loosing the only friend who had ever shown a sliver of kindness toward me.
"Jenna is coming home, they can't do anything for her anymore, it's over Ash."
I felt my heart sink slightly. I turned around to see Amber just staring at me through the door way. She looked at me as if she knew exactly what I was feeling. She knew how much I was actually hurt.
In that moment, I had regretted what I had done more than anything. But I knew I could never reverse it.
"She's coming home?" I spoke. She nodded her head and looked at Amber.
"I have to meet Luke, I'll see you at school," she said carefully. I was frustrated knowing that this was her way of 'letting me down easy'.
With that, she walked down the stairs and out the door. I sighed and turned around. Amber stared at me with a concerned look on her face.
"Are you alright?" She spoke. I took a deep breath and walked towards the room. I walked over to the window and watched Shannon. She got into her car and took a moment to catch her breath. She sighed and pulled out the drive way.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Amber mumbled softly. I looked at her and said nothing.
"What the hell," I mumbled carelessly. I slammed my lips against hers and kissed her vigorously. There was no passion, I felt nothing. This feeling was completely different from what I felt with Shannon. She tangled her fingers in my hair and she began to straddle my sides.
I felt her push me away slowly.
"I don't want to do this if you're going to be thinking about her, lately that's all it's been, she's all you think about or talk about Ashton." She scuffed. I could tell she was jealous, I honestly had no idea how I felt about Shannon, she was always on my mind, I had only been close with her for the past few weeks. I already knew that she was the only person who truly cared for me.
"That isn't true!" I argued.
"Stop pretending Ash."
"Don't call me that," I rolled my eyes and tossed on a shirt.
"See! This is what I mean!" She yelled. "You aren't the same guy Ashton, you've been spending way to much time with her! You won't even let me call you Ash? What is that her nickname for you or something?" She chuckled pathetically. I felt anger wash over me.
"Well that's over now, so I'm back to whoever you think I am!" It was true, I knew Shannon would never see me the same way.
"Well now you're just a pain in the ass," she chuckled. "You're hurt, it's okay to be hurt."
"She could never hurt me," I insisted. This was a lie.
"You're right, but you hurt her in the worst way possible Ashton and why? Because she isn't like your normal girls? Because she actually wants to know you? Because she sees the best in you? Because she likes you?"
"You don't even like her Amber," I mumbled. It was true, she hated Shannon.
"You're right, I don't, but that doesn't mean I want her to suffer."
She was right, she was always right.
She grabbed her jeans off of the ground and slipped them on.
"Go see her, I know you want to, visit her later today." She insisted as she walked out of the room. "You won't regret it."
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should i do more chapters like this? ashton's pov?